Lessons from the Owl and the Mole

May 13, 2017

I am in the Mystical Forest.  I decide to approach Reflection Tree first, and immediately jump into asking for counsel about Monday, when we are due in small claims court to have a settlement hearing regarding the counter-suit by the former landowner.  I have spent weeks and way too many hours preparing evidence. While I am confident about our evidence, I am also very nervous.  I do not like this kind of confrontation.  

And then, catching myself, I relax and start again. "Hello, this is your servant and apprentice.  I am here to ask for counsel."  I make an offering.

Look.  Listen.  The teachings will come in a different way here.  Relax...

I stood awhile, in contact with the tree, and then began to wander, and look at nearby trees.

Look, listen, feel, see...

Trees whispered as I stopped at each.  You must see with different eyes, hear with different ears, learn/know in new ways...

I found an owl pellet at the base of one tree, and began to pick through to find a skull and jaw bones with teeth.  Then my eyes began to adjust to the dimming light of sunset, and I found another, and then another...  More and more, at the base of trees.  I did not need to wander far -- a small network of trees had tens if not a hundred owl pellets.  I continued to gather skulls, jaws and a few other bones of rats, mice and moles.  And as I gathered, I continued to listen and feel.

At one tree, I stopped and inquired about Monday.  It offered, Relax...  Be relaxed and at peace.  All is as it is.  Relax and all will be well and as it needs to be.


As I continued to gather skulls,  I had a sudden awareness.  I am picking through owl pellets, and they are clearly very active here in this forest.  And their food of choice is rodents, including mole.

My husband is strongly affiliated with the owl -- as ally and medicine. He recently ventured into the new owner's house to get something from her. As he waded through the rooms filled with an over-flow of accumulation within a cave-like atmosphere of very dim lighting, and spoke with her, looking through the thick glasses perched on her nose to peer into her eyes, he had a realization that she was a mole.

I also carry owl medicine, though not a strongly as he.  Wherever we go there is some kind of completion, ending, or moving-on -- for relationships that are not functional, for corrupt systems that govern communities, or for people who are in imbalance with the land or living out of integrity with themselves and with others around them.  And if not an ending from imbalance and broken integrity, then an ending because it is time to move on -- whether leaving a place, creating closure, or even death.

An ending of some kind is inevitable here.  There will be no choice.

The owner is a mole -- naturally afraid/ defensive with the owl.  It does not matter what one says or does, or doesn't do for that matter.  Just the very presence of an owl will be a threat to a mole.

The lesson here, then, is to avoid directly stimulating fear or discord -- it will only amplify what is already there naturally.

And once I made this connection, Reflection Tree confirmed, This is your work and lesson for today.  Gather the skulls for some piece of medicine you will make.  And as you do, learn to hear more deeply this important story and lesson.

As I continued to gather and wander, another tree spoke.

This Monday upcoming is important -- it is a final completion of the working on the previous land.

And I thought of my prayers on that land.  The tree spoke again.

Your prayers still live on the land.  This is your gift and your work.  Your prayers are powerful.  Your clear intent and prayer manifested as the sale of the land.  Now, this is important to know and hear.  Prayers that come from anger, that are ill-intended or reactive as some of your husband's prayers were, both stalled and led to the consequence of needing to deal with the court case.  But, take heart, for it will be resolved easily. 

Hear this -- your medicine is prayer.  You must pray and strengthen your prayers.  There will come a day when you are complete here (on this new land), and you will move on to your next assignment.  And it can be easy.  It can be as you pray for.  But you must pray [images of the ovoo and offerings, prayer ties, and Prayer Fires arose in my mind's eye].  Your prayers are powerful, they do manifest, and must and will over-ride any ill-intended prayers offered in reactivity that have been woven by the Other through workings you are involved in.  This is your work.

So, there will inevitably be some sort of ending here -- it is predestined.  And, we must tread with awareness and relaxed clarity.  And I must pray.


May 15, 2017

He did not arrive at court.  As we were ushered into the settlement hearing room, the clerk wondered if we knew where he was.  It was 20 minutes past the appointed court-time.   She opened the file.

He had signed a waiver that releases each party from any claim against the other, and sent it in at the end of the day on Friday, when no one would be able to register it.  Not the clerk, nor the judge, nor ourselves were informed ahead of time.

And I immediately thought of the insight I had had a month earlier -- he will send it in at the last minute. My deeper self knew it would be Friday.  I had kept checking my emails for a response from him all weekend.  I knew it would be Friday -- I just misjudged and thought he would send it directly to us. 

My greatest lessons from the very beginning to end with him:

• Prayer is potent medicine, and the outward gestures of prayer -- prayer ties, offerings, time with Ma and the trees -- all powerful, important, necessary medicine.
• I must listen to, honour, AMPLIFY that "small intuitive voice" of knowing within.

When we arrived home from the court, I thanked the trees and said, "May we land here fully now..."

The  Tree next to the cabin replied, Now you are doing your medicine work [by visiting daily, by "arriving fully"].

I promised to listen to them, their lessons and method of teaching.  I thought of Ma.  I deeply miss her.  I asked, "Is she here?"

Tree said gently, Yes, she will make herself known to you when it is time...

Movements on the Winds

June 3, 2017

I took a very short moment with Tree and Parted Lips Tree.  I expressed how tired I am of feeling tired – that I need to find balance, time to be spacious as I once was or at least to find a balance of time – and that brought to mind my financials.

“I am truly tired of wondering where the next meal will come from, or gas for the truck… Where can I find the answer to this dilemma?” I asked.

“Look within”, they replied in unison. “The answer is within.”

June 4, 2017

I am looking for Ma on the property – I miss her presence.  I spoke to Nursing Mother.  "Go back to the cabin.  Cook dinner, do chores if you are unable to concentrate on your true work.  Come later (when you can be present).”  I paused, thought.  The Other will be home soon, and so “later” will be much later, and I will be far too tired at that time.  “No, I will go and do my work now, as I have been called to,” I replied.

Nearby, I find bones of a deer – they will sit in an natural shrine I am making at the entrance to the fields, in a stump with gnarled roots that are exposed and look like driftwood.

As I walk, I wonder if this is my punishment for not making more time to visit Ma where we were living previously – to now find myself in her absence.

“Soon enough,” I hear the trees whisper. “With some work, when it is time, she will make herself known.  She is (always) near.  You will need to do some work.”

Whisper…  They whisper.  Nursing Mother whispers as I walk on, “Now, now you are stepping into your work.  Now you are initiating yourself here.  She (who you seek) is within.”

“Look within,” Tree said yesterday.  “The answer lies within.”

Another bone – skull of deer.  Walking through the forest, I hear the whispers, “Look, listen, she is near.  Twining, twining – in your heart.  She is twining.”

A curious red plant, dainty, like asparagus, rises out of the forest floor.  It is smooth and succulent.  “Blood of the Earth,” she says to me.  “Let the forest claim you.  It is your home.  You are being swallowed by her.  This too is your home.”

I suddenly feel an urge to void – and so decide to go to the shrine.  I exit the forest, find the shrine roots, place all the bones within the nooks, and then ask permission to leave the journey in order to go to the outhouse and return later with offerings and smoke-herbs.  “No,” the Trees speak to me. “Learn to control even the body urges.”  And so I do.  I pull out tobacco and offer it to the ground and tuck it into one of the shrine nooks.  I make smoke offerings, and speak to the Spirits of this place.

“Ancient one, entities on this land, I ask you to guard our work here in this place.”  Addressing the shrine roots, I ask, “Please guard us and our work here.”  I carry the smoke herbs with me to the entrance of the field, still speaking to the unseen ones, “Please help us with our work here.”  I look at the potential if this site and see through imaginal eyes the herb and flower gardens, the food fields, and the site for the yurt.  Then I look at the neighbour’s fields that form the majority of this bowl-shaped valley, and the small lake at the far end.  As I turn once again to the main path that leads to the yurt and field-site as well as the forest paths, I see a Panther Amanita.  This is the first I have seen here on this property.

As I complete, I walk back along the same forest route, and find more bones – one of which is very gnawed.  I still feel my “missing” of Ma.  The forest speaks, “She is not here, but YOU are. And she is (within) you.

     Stone & bone…

        Stone & bone…

This forest has memory, and your job here, as elsewhere on this land, is to awaken that memory – of the Great Feminine.”

Later in the day, in a momentary conversation with the Father Tree outside of the cabin, he reminded me, “It is your work to be her – to embody her…

    

     She is near…

        She is here…”  And I feel as if he is touching my heart.

June 8, 2017

Bad, ill winds…  Look for the signs.

A few days ago I found a wood/ forest tick on my inner thigh.  My mind immediately thought of spirit attack or invasion.  Though nothing was obvious or amiss around me, my strong sense was that this was a conscious attack.  I always wear long pants, socks, boots, and so on.  The location of the tick seemed odd.  On the same day, the owner’s ailing elder rooster began sleeping on the wooden platform that extends from our cabin front windows. And, we also received an email from a person connected to the dark sorcerers at one of the former farms we lived at.  Yesterday, during errands, we noticed that there was chaos on the roads and downtown – distracted drivers, near-miss accidents, people edgy with one another, misunderstandings, misperceptions, more criss-cross lines with the sorcerers.  Then later, the former landlord drove by our parked truck and circled around the building, twice, seemingly looking for us.

Immediately, my step-daughter began to feel unwell.  She is highly sensitive to these energies.  We went home, got her to bed and prepared for sleep ourselves.  My husband crawled into bed as I finished the last of the chores.  As I walked outside to the outhouse, the warm, erratic winds were blowing.  I paused with Tree.  “Relax,” she said.  “Let go…  Let go…  You must let the tensions release.  For both of your well-being, you must consciously relax and release.”

I went inside, and as I close up for the night, a strange scratching noise on the window begins.  I look.  There are no discernible branches scraping on the windows.  But it persisted.

Then, my step-daughter, extremely restless, cries out. And our cat becomes restless.  I let him out as the Other attends to his daughter.  We all lay down and attempt to sleep.  Winds, sporadic and gusty, blow.  The screeching scratchy noise starts again.  The child cries out jibberish in her sleep.  We feel currents of negativity floating through.

Then hot flashes strike through my body, relentless, non-stop.  The winds die down, all seems calm, and then within another 15 to 20 minutes, everything starts again.  This continues for many hours.  During the small intervals of seeming calm, I fall into fitful dreams.  And I know there are spirit intrusions because the dreams are about the Other being seduced back to drinking.  [At the sorcery-farm, one of the main spells cast on him was drinking, which left him open to spirit intruders and spirit possession.   The sorcerers also influenced the nature-entities on the land to do negative work for them.]  These dreams arise when criss-cross lines, negative intentions and spells are being thrown our way.

On and on through the night, in definite cycles, the winds and sounds, dreams and waking continued.  We did not sleep until the wee hours of the morning, when finally, the crowing of the rooster outside of the window seemed to break the cycle.  When, in the morning, we assessed what plants and items had been thrown about by the winds, only those things of meaning or income production had been affected.  All else was as if nothing had happened.

To many, these might seem as a series of unfortunate yet normal coincidences.  With “other seeing eyes”, these are signs of ill-winds, and the forces and spirits carried on those winds.

The next day, as emotions and events calmed, we met a woman randomly at the laundromat who also had had interactions with the former landlord, and who had also experienced his psychosis.  Her words were a sympathetic force to help untangle the forces of the previous day and night.

June 11, 2017

Last night, in my time with Nursing Mother, I asked for guidance to help heal the 3 year old within me.  I am aware that the 3 year old is sometimes quite triggered by the Other, which spirals us into arguments and discord.  I cannot change him, but I can address her.  Nursing Mother said, “Who are you?  Who is the 3 year old? Do you know her?”

I listed all the things I know about her: “She is the holder of power and magic, the sorceress, the joyful, playful one… I know I cannot eradicate her, nor do I want to – I value her.  I just don’t know how best to heal her.”

I began to walk and came to the Father Tree next to the outhouse.  He said, “You must honour her.  Spend time in the forest, nature walks, the magical, the Teachings.  This is healing to her and honours her both.”

Tonight, I prayed for a young woman I am working with, and for my youngest son – I asked for help in being support to each of them.  And I know that healing my own 3 year old is part of this.

I make offering of smoke herbs, watching the smoke waft to my forehead when my thoughts are positive and aligned, and away from my forehead when they are not.  It is time now, to begin preparations for the Prayer Fire.  To give energy to my work, to the Medicine, rather than to perceived demands.

June 21, 2017

Two days before Prayer Fire.

I am at the “yurt site”.  Only, it will not come to pass.  We have been invited by another to come live on a new, shared property.  We will shift again, soon.

I light the smoke herbs and address the bowl-valley and fields that were holding our visions and intentions.  “The yurt will not come to pass in this place.  I come to offer my farewells and ask that I be held in this space until such time that we leave.  I ask that this be sacred ritual space.”

I approach the West Elder Tree with the smoke.  He speaks, “You are received.  You are received…”  I feel his sadness – something that will not come to pass.  Again, a missing – the loss of honouring all he has welcomed as vision.  He speaks again, “From death will come life.  From death will be life.”  I walk to the Nursing Mother and offer smoke.  “Honour your (other) Elder,” she directs.  I walk to the East Elder Tree, and look up.  A trail of carpenter ants are drawing material from a large, gaping wood-pecker hole.

“Death… Death… It is time to take your leave.  It is time.  It is time to go.”

I walk to Nursing Mother and ask her support for the Prayer Fire, and as a helper for holding ritual space.  She said, “Of course.”

I thought of Ma, and her absence on this property, and understood the duality – that she is not here, I am not to remain here; and that in her absence, I am She – the one who representsss.  So, as I sat with Nursing Mother, her instructions were clear:

“You have not done as you were instructed [going for walks, taking more time for self-care…].

Death will come before your time.  You must do as we instruct.  Now, in this move, you MUST do as we have instructed.  Now is the time.  Now is the time.  For time will take its toll otherwise, and you will not grow as you must and are needed to.”

I ask about how best to leave here.  Nursing Mother offers, “The owner will be happy, relieved.” 

“And the planted field, with all the produce?” I ask.  “Show her what you are doing. Educate her,” she replies.

“What about protecting the field and plants?” I ask.  She replies, “Your work (already) is that protection,  Relax.  All will be well.”

Nature Entities of the Land

May 29, 2017

I am at the Tree near the cabin and have made offerings.  For the first time, I have noticed that the companion tree that grows from the same base/ nursing log has an elongated Yoni.  The parted lips are perhaps 5 feet long from the base of the tree upward.  I place a hand on each tree and stand, listening to both peeper and bull frogs.  It is late night, early on the growing crescent of the new moon.

"Trees, what is my role here on the land?"  I ask.

They reply in unison, To be the medicine.  Pray. Be the medicine.

A series of unformed thoughts and images roll through my mind -- then I ask, "Do we belong here?"

They reply, You belong wherever you are in this moment.  And for this moment, you are here.

I continue my inquiry, "What am I to bring to this place? Who am I to be for it?"

Be the medicine.  And be the Great Feminine. [A remembered "hissssss" arose as an echo of our former conversation.]

I persist, "Will we remain here?"

No.  This is temporary.

I imagined caring for this place, cleaning it up, possibly bringing people here for healing retreats.  And, as they read my thoughts, they said, And... What of the water?  We have not drank the water since our first few days here.  It simply does not taste good -- it smells strange and we do not trust it.  And in my heart, with that one simple question, I knew they were right.

"Where do we go next?"  I asked.

Interior, they said.  Pray.  Someone will find you and take you to the place that will be yours [where you live] and it will be like a gift to you.



June 1, 2017

Little pieces coming together.  A man showed up yesterday trying to convince my husband to move to his land.  While we know it is not the move we want to make, it is a sign of something to come.  When he was there, he said he had visited one before many years ago, and he spoke of the "Grandmothers"who used to live here, walk these lands, whom the current owner had purchased the land from.

Ahhh, the Great Feminine who had graced the land and has gone missing, replaced with the broken masculine and feminine, both.  These Grandmothers must be who the trees remember.  And I, now a grandmother myself, are what they are wanting to have return to the land.

I bring smudge to the yurt site, give blessings to the directions and ancestors, and then bring the smudge to the Nursing Mother.  "How do I become a representative of the Great Feminine/ Grandmothers here?"

She replies, Be strong.  Grow strong in yourself.

I close my eyes and feel what that would mean here -- deeply rooted to the land, and the rhythm of the cosmos, and also rooted to my own centre.  My mind turned to my husband and how quickly I lose that sense of centre and grounding when we are not in sync with one another.

She said, Do not worry about him.  Be true to your own path.  You must be true to yourself and your spiritual path.  All will be well.

Then she said, Listen.  Go deeper yet.  Go even deeper yet.

And I relaxed, let go of thought, and listened to the night and her from my deeper, clear heart as best I could.  As I did so, I sensed entities in the trees -- that I was being watched.  They reminded me of the shadow beings I have seen that past few days and nights in the cabin.

They watch, she said.  They wait.

I could feel that I could easily slip into fear, but I stayed calm, continuing to sense the presences.  And without fully formed questions, Nursing Mother answered me.

They are neither good nor bad.  They are neutral.  They respond to the dominant one here.  They respond to your intentions.  They will be helpers of your work on the land, if that is your intention, and they will support you.  And, if you sway, if you have negative intentions or fall out of harmony or integrity with yourself, or this place, they will be mischievous tricksters.

I know of whom she speaks, these entities -- faeries and Nature Spirits.  I have encountered them for as long as I can remember -- since I was a very young child.  One came to me in my 20's as a beautiful little green light to carry a heartfelt prayer on my behalf.

I thought of the owner, and said "I am not the dominant one here.  I cannot dominate the land."

And Nursing Mother conveyed that it it the one(s) who hold the strongest ties to the land and its well-being -- the ones who assume "ownership" for its care and are claimed by the land.  This is our work, to take on this role.

I then thought of Iceland, and what I have heard about the normalcy of encountering Nature enetities there.  She says, The veil is thin there.

I ask, "Should we thin the veil here?"

Do you think that is wise??  Seek your relationship with the land and the entities.  Make your water offerings in morning, and prayers.  Become the strong feminine.  Then can you seek to thin the veil with them here on this land, and not before.

Then she bid me to lay both hands on her.

I dead, and yet I still give life.  You too can grow strong (of energy, body, heart and spirit) and give life.

Receive the blessings.

An inner image of a bluish-gray light, shifting and moving, began to kaleidescope my inner vision.  And her voice became male. Receive the blessings.

And back and forth, she/ he said over and over, sometimes blending in unison, Receive the blessings.
Receive the blessings. Receive the blessings.

And, after a short while, all slowed, and we were complete.

And they called out to me as I walked away, Return soon, return often...

To Thine Own Nature, Be True

May 20, 2017

I am with the Tree near the cabin.  She is being counselor this night...  I have asked what is required of me to deepen in these teachings and in my own medicine.

Be true to thine own voice.  Do what you need to do for yourself.  Be true to your own Nature.  

For being true to your own Nature can never be wrong.

I walk to the Mystical Forest and stand with Reflection Tree for a moment.  A little nut-hatch lands just above me and begins to climb up and down and up-side down along the trunk and nearby branch, seemingly unconcerned with anything but her search for food.

And as I watch her, I feel her message... Be in your nature, she affirms.

And Reflection Tree agrees.  To create deeper peace, and deeper connection with those around you, be in your Nature.  

To thine own self, be true.
To thine own voice, be true.
To thine own heart, be true.
To thine own medicine, be true.


May 24, 2017

I am at the site that is currently planned for the yurt set-up.  It is morning, and I introduce myself to the site - in particular to the two eldest trees next to where the East and West walls will be.  I offer some of my hair, and incense.  The Elders are quiet.  All that is offered is an image to return later in the evening with smudge and my burning-shell.

~~

It is late now -- 10pm -- dark.  The farm is quiet.  I unwrap my shell, place the smudge inside and light it.  I bathe myself in the smoke, and then offer it to the directions.  And then I walk to the Elder Tree of the West.

I re-introduce myself.  "I ask to be accepted here -- as care-taker, helper, apprentice.  I ask permission for our home to be here, next to you, on this spot."

I hear you.  We [many voices] hear you.  We accept you.

I pass by a stump from which young saplings are growing and quickly offer it an acknowledgement.  Then I walk to the East Elder Tree.  As I offer smudge, I felt his energy... Sad, almost angry. I inquire, "Is my request accepted here, by you?"

East Elder Tree replies, We [voices in unison] hear and accept you...  It has just been sooo long since I have been honoured.

And in that moment I felt something of the history of neglect and disrespect, and the reason for his anger and sadness.

I then offered smudge to the other neighbour trees.  And when complete, I put more smudge in the shell, for now I wanted to receive teachings. I was heading toward the West Elder Tree, but was directed by him to the stump instead.

A nursing stump, still giving life -- life from death.  Nursing Mother.  I placed the smudge-shell on her, and also a small mushroom as offering -- fruit, death, life.

She spoke, I am the history of this place.  I lived, I died, I gave life again.  In this way, life is eternal, it goes on and on in cycles. 

I asked her for teachings.  She said, Listen, deeply, with heart and body.

I relaxed and dropped out of my head and into a receptive heart-body awareness.  I heard sounds becoming gradually more pronounced and even three-dimensional.  And I felt a bit frightened, which surprised me.

Why be afraid? You have received so much medicine this way before.  Relax, and listen always from this place to receive the teachings.

Images of the work I am wanting to deepen, and also flourish within, arose.  I said, "I want to go deeper in the teachings so I can offer them out to those I am working with."

Then you must go deeper and listen from this place!

And then my mind went to an aggitation between my husband and I.

Do not give-in, she said.  You must not give-in.  There is nothing you are doing wrong [when you are in your own nature].  Be peaceful.  Meet him with peace.  And pray for him, from this same place.  This deep-listening place.  Feel the prayer in your heart-body, pray deeply for him, and be at peace.

Return, child, often.  Speak with me here.  I am a gateway.

Repressssent Me

April 12, 2017

I have begun to walk and explore the land.  We do not yet know where we will put up the yurt, after we have finished repairs.  I have walked to the edge of the escarpments -- the view of the neighbouring mountain is so peaceful.  I do not know if I will be able to find a path down into the valley between this escarpment and the mountain -- I will try when I can to find one.  The two forested areas are so distinctly different.  One forest is on a slope -- the trees are so tall!  It is the forest through which we walk to get to the open peat-bog fields full of canary reed grass that will eventually become our gardens.

The second forest is on the far edge of the property -- it is rarely walked, if ever, by any of the inhabitants of the land.  The bases of the trees are so large, and the walk into the heart of this forest takes one through patches of skunk cabbage, moss and forest-edge plants.  As I walk this second forest I feel transported into a protected mystical place with low-hanging branches, owls and owl pellets, gnarled roots and fallen logs.  This, I decide, is where I will take apprentices and clients.


April 15, 2017

I am in the jungle.  We are at a pond.  There are many women indigenous to this place bathing in the water, and I am standing at the edge of the water.  A few elder women are trying to teach me how to use poisonous darts.  In front of me, wrapped tight in a blanket and as pale as the moon floats a young woman.  She wants to die.  She wants me to shoot a dart into her.  I ask her to wait.  I tell her that if she must go through with it, to please, at least, do it as ceremony/ rite of passage.

Then, I am standing in front of our new home -- a wooden round house, like our yurt, only with two stories.  It is nestled in the jungle, with a tall, 10 foot high fence surrounding it, except in the south, which is open as the front entrance.  I walk inside.  The first floor has two fire pits to heat and dry the place, and to cook on -- this floor is our living space.  The second floor has one central fire and is open and spacious.  Light pours in from a central opening.  This floor is for healing and ceremony.  It is very important that the house, fires and fence are specifically aligned to honour and work with the elementals.

I awaken and know that one of my young clients is probably needing support.  I send a message to her mother, and it is confirmed that she is detoxing off heroine, this being the worst day of her symptoms.  And I understand the dream...  I immediately know that I need to make a medicine tool for her, and I also know that whatever it is supposed to be will come when the time is ripe.

I create a small medicine bundle, and tie it to a tree in the back forest of this new place, near the spot I have chosen for my apprentice/ client work.  In it I have written:

Mother, please accept me as student and servant/ keeper in this place.  Please teach me your medicine and wisdom, and show me what is next in this journey.

This great leaning tree has a small pool of water on one side of its base.  It is as if the tree is leaning over and gazing at itself.  Reflection Tree.

I speak my prayer aloud to Reflection Tree.

He replies: Give and be given to... Bring your energy to the land.  Make offerings to us.  Honour the land, and it will give back to you.  Earn the Teachings.


April 21, 2017

We have been living in a tiny cabin, 10x14 feet in size, on the property.  One room.  No kitchen -- just a makeshift space where we cook.  A cord strung from the barn for electricity.  We eat sitting on the bed.  We are waiting for the rains to slow or end so that we can begin repair work on the yurt.  For now, this is home.  Used to homesteading and living off-grid, this is not much different than the 6 months we spent living in a tent when we were learning to build the foundation and floor for the yurt 2 years ago.

I visit the large tree outside the cabin at night.  The peeper frogs are almost deafeningly loud.  My husband and I have been butting heads -- it has been an incredibly challenging few months, and we have landed into a new space that requires intensive cleaning (the land has been neglected for several years), and we are not in our own home.  It is not surprising we are edgy right now.

Tree says, There will never be  "win" with him.  I felt sadness upon hearing this.  Because there will never be a "win", you need to just focus on being happy -- it is the key to your well-being.  Why do you try to squish yourself into some perceived box?  Do what makes you happy -- relax, be at peace -- and watch what happens to your work, your well-being, your relationship...


May 2, 2017

I am speaking with the Tree near the cabin...  Two owls are shrieking at one another in the background, bats are flying and making their mating call, the trees of the forest tower all around me in the darkness of the night.

I ask Tree, "What of my apprenticeship here in this new place?"

Tree replies: Let go of all you know, and all you don't know.  Empty of it all.  Make your roots, make your home, the Teachings will come.  Spend time with the land and trees here. Learn from the forest and you will understand why you are here.  Empty your heart.

I felt an unburdening and letting go.

Let go of your thoughts.
Listen.  Listen.

I listened to the frogs, suddenly chirping louder.  Tree repeated the instructions.  My mind wandered to the events of the day.  Then I thought about the people on this new land, the farm animals, our plants...  The animals clearly have been responding to the distress they sense in the owner of the land, who seems at unease with the changes and clean-up now happening around her...  Years of accumulation of garbage, moldy food bins, and general disarray being cleaned does not sit well with her for some currently unknown reason.  Her sheep keep escaping their pen in rebellion.

When my mind rested with the sheep a bit longer, I heard the slither of a snake nearby. I felt momentary fear -- like I was confronted by POWER.  And then I quickly remembered who snake is for me -- a representative of the Great Feminine (the water version being the Makara, both of whom came to me in dreamtime as the Great Feminine years ago).  And in these moments I asked/realized that this is what is missing and needing healing on the land.

I heard snake speak... What is misssssing here on the land?  Think of the feminine -- that which is needing represssssentation here.

I thought of the owner who feels more like broken masculine energy to me rather than feminine.  I thought of the other women/family who also live here on the land -- who either carry some form of brokenness or over-compensation for the brokenness around them, or both.

Snake said, You musssst root, ground and centre here as a strong repressssentative of the Great Feminine.  You mussssst be that force for the land.

I suddenly felt daunted, humbled, uncertain, and yet simultaneously empowered by this tasking to me...

Heed My Word or Encounter My Shadow Form

Nov. 22, 2016

Two days ago I went on a Medicine Walk.  I entered the forest from the Prayer Tie Tree, and walked the back paths so as not to be seen.  I immediately fell into an ongoing conversation with the Great Mother.  As I walked I found my way toward the lower paths that take me to the Mother Teacher, and emanation of Ma.  My intention was to find bones to be used as in my medicine work making amulets and talismans for healing.  I found a collar bone of what looked like Owl,  I then walked to Ma, and left offerings of respect - it had been so long since I had last visited her.  Too long -- I knew this.

Child, she said, you are guide, teacher, healer, shamanka [female shaman in Slavic traditions]. You need to show up.  Show up and spend time with me, with the forest, so that your heart can open more fully.  

I felt my body and heart -- they were tense, in part from supporting a client client earlier in the morning who is experiencing some intense challenges in her life right now, and in part from my own protective stance on/ for the land.  No wonder the trees and land are holding their breath, as the Medicine-Elder had pointed out...  Because I am not open, relaxed and in my power.  I am reacting rather than being responsive or initiatory.  

As I opened, breathed and walked I could sense the land.  It is reacting as someone who has been violated -- who I am to be for the land is protector and representative of what it is to heal.  I am to represent the inner and outer stance to take -- to not abandon the self, to not step-down from what is called for in order to heal, to stand up to those who would continue to rape the land, to hold boundaries and clarity...

As I continued my walk, I knew I wanted to find the Forest Graveyard where I had once found many skeletons -- of raccoon and deer, and other animals I could not identify.  As I searched I came across a few emanations of Ma.  They were unhappy with me.

Where have you been??!  You must come more often.  Open and be present!

I found a large Ma, twisted and lovely -- donning a prayer feather I had placed on her a year earlier.  I continued to search for the graveyard and felt with each step as my body came into relaxed aliveness.  "Ahhhh, yes, this is what it feels like to be open!"  I squatted near Twisted Ma, for a few moments, feeling the aliveness as it poured into all my tissues and organs.  It was tempting to do something with that energy...  And then I realized it was best to retain the energy, allow it to suffuse me.  And as I made this decision, suddenly more emanations of Ma made their presence known -- ones I had not seen before.

Soon I saw a vertebra on the path, and knew I was close.  I wandered a bit further, and finally found the Forest Graveyard.  I left offerings and took a few small bones.  I then began to walk a deer trail I had not taken before, and saw something extraordinary.

I caught my breath for a moment, for before me was the largest, thickest and oldest Ma I have yet to encounter in all my time apprenticing with her.  I carefully approached and made offerings, fully expecting to have something important unfold.

Return another time, child.  Now is not the time for more lessons.

I was a bit disappointed, but also knew not to question her.  One cannot force the Teachings.

As I walked I kept encountering emanations of Ma -- after a year and a half walking this forest and these lands, why had I not encountered her here before in this way?  I knew this was a pivotal Medicine Walk indeed. 

As I left the shelter of the forest, the rains began.  Ma's directives are always timely.



Dec. 6, 2016

The past few days, the trees keep affirming: You need to pray.  Everything you do, say and be must be prayer.  It is your medicine right now.  Trust us, you must become the prayer.

My morning prayer offerings at the ovoo have been for the healing of this land and all its inhabitants.  I have made prayer for the owner and people of this place...

May he be happy
May he be well
May he be safe
May he be at peace

May all those who work and live on this land, May they be happy
May they be well
May they be safe
May they be at peace

And I pray that someone who truly respects and loves the land will come and make it possible for the land to heal, and that the inhabitants who belong to the land may remain to help steward it.  And that those who do not respect the land may move on and find healing elsewhere.

I know though, that my work my work must deepen.  I know I am not in the forests, with Ma, nearly often enough.  Not as they have counseled me to be.  And I know that something in the background wears away at me -- some knowing I am not willing to admit right now.

We have been invited to sit with the medicine of Peyote and a visiting Marakame.  I decided to ask Prayer Tree yesterday for her thoughts on this, before I said yes or no to the medicine.  Her response was swift and firm.

No, the medicine is not for you at this time.  Do not question me -- trust instead.  Pray, take care of yourself.  Walk these hills twice a day -- it will clear your mind, body and heart.

Last night, in dreamtime, the Marakame came to me and spoke through his translator.  His message was simple.  "You are welcome to sit in circle, but you are not to take the medicine at this time.  And, you need to become vegetarian once again."


Jan 31, 2017

We shift again.  Off this land.  We leave and I know we leave imprints of prayer here, love and care on the land.  The energies have shifted and it is time for us to be called to our medicine work elsewhere.

My husband had been called to a farm-meeting on Dec 15th, where he was told "it's not working out."  He offered to leave, and everything was, apparently, relaxed and clear about timing and logistics.  By the next morning we were issued an email with inflammatory and incorrect comments and information.  We responded with corrections, and completed the interaction with a gesture of acknowledgement -- whatever the owner may try to do, we would always be grateful to him for our time here on this land.


Feb 4, 2017

Our yurt!  Our animals!  The plants and crops!  He has locked us off the land...  Threatened trespassing if we return.


Feb 18, 2017

What an amazingly stressful, difficult and bizarre turn of events.  We have discovered that he has done this to others before.  He tells us we can have access, and then pulls that access away...  Our yurt now stands open to the elements, rain and snow, while he plays power games.  Mother, what am I to understand of this all?

We have, at least, found a new place to eventually land, when the snows recede and we can have access to it.  Our new home will be in trees and bluffs and marsh, and bog and field.

I must learn from what I did not last time.  From the beginning of our time on the previous land, I had a knowing that all was not right.  We did not heed the signs from the land, from our dreams, and from my own inner knowing -- that all was not right with him. And while the prayer work was powerful, I did not make enough time for my work.  And now we fight for the right to obtain our home and belongings, animals and plants.  I must remember what I counsel apprentices and students on this path -- contracts with Spirit are not to be taken lightly.  Heed the words of the Teacher, or risk the Shadow Teachings.

I make a plea to Ma and Dark Ma -- to please help right was is wrong.  I ask that where the owner is out of integrity, where he is lying or being manipulative, may Ma bind herself around him, and may Dark Ma reflect/turn his shadows back on him.  I know I am dabbling with the sorcery I have encountered.  And I know I am also asking that justice and righteousness be served.  I also know that where there are any transgressions in myself, the medicine will turn back on me.  And, conscious of all these things, I employ these tools.


April 2, 2017

Finally, after months living by the grace of good friends and comfortable couches, we complete our move.  My husband was denied access to the land in an attempt to prevent or stall the move.  I ask for the help of friends, and even friends of friends.  Many turn up to work hard in the day and a half it takes to remove our things.  One woman who has never met us donates monies to help pay for the moving truck.  My parents are here on their spring visit, helping.  Our goat has birthed a lovely kid, now 4 weeks old.  We are only able to catch half of our ducks.

We learn that a Wild Bird Care Centre has bought the land and the owner will be moving off in a few months.  We at least breathe easier knowing the land will be honoured and cared for, and our prayer-work was heard.  The land will be protected.

I feel such deep gratitude...  Gratitude to those who came to our aid.  Gratitude to Spirit for protecting the land.  Gratitude that this chapter is now closing.  And Gratitude to Ma and Dark Ma for their Teachings.

Awakening the Memory of the Land

July 26, 2016

I sit in the quiet of the room.  No one has come to class this night.  I decide to sit in meditation...

The question arises in my mind, What of this work? There never seems to be enough time for EVERYTHING -- from homesteading to producing medicine bags to being in medicine on the land...  A true dedication and re-organization is needed.  Where do I start?

Drop deeper child, drop deeper... The Great Mother's voice rings in my ears.

You are birthing your elder-self and need to dedicate to this journey.


Sept 20, 2016

For my 48th birthday, almost a month ago, I set the following intentions:

• to spend time cultivating/ deepening my relationship in love and intimacy
• to spend time dedicated to self-care and body health
• to spend time cultivating my business and work
• to spend time feeding myself -- nourishing myself -- spiritually.  Time with Plant Teachers, time in the forest, and daily offerings and ritual.

As I sit with one of my apprentices, I am reminded how very important these intentions are -- to myself personally, and to myself as teacher.


Sept 25, 2016

I have been feeling a deep need to connect with the Teachers.  I decide to visit Prayer Tree.

She speaks to me, before I even form a question: Bring your heart.  The medicine is real.  Be the medicine.  This is your eldership initiation.  Bring your heart to us.  Be the medicine.  Relax and be comfortable in yourself, your body.  And, only adorn yourself in things of your own making.

I ask, "What of my work with clients and students?"

She says, Trust.  Do as you do.  Do what you do, and trust the unfolding.

In unison I begin to hear all the nearby trees speaking with her -- as if they had always been speaking in unison, bringing emphasis to her/ their message...

Trust.  The answer is immanent, just around the corner.  Watch for the signs, and do your work.  You will be guided.  It is within the realm of what you already do.  Just more of it.

I asked if there were any other requests from her/ them.

Visit us often.  Bring your heart.  Connect with us, grow the connection, bring your heart and open in love to us/ for us.  It will bring healing and deepening. It will help us, and help you in your quests.  And, build an ovoo, and make offerings to it.


Sept 29, 2016

My grandson's 1st birthday!  I go to the Prayer Tree and give thanks for his beautiful life.  And then I address her/ them:

"I have completed the ovoo, and made first offerings (Paulo Santo, Buffalo Sage, and a small gifted piece of cottonwood tree from the Sundance Ceremony up-island).  I connected with all the land I could sense and feel on the property as I made offerings."

They replied, Now make a prayer-bundle for the ovoo.

I was aware of my concerns -- a continual gnawing feeling that we will not be able to stay on this land.  She responded, saying: Do your work -- deepen it, do more, and we will do the rest.

I felt a tingling warmth as if I were being embraced and touched by her/them.  The wind blew more directly and I felt washed over by their assurance.  "Thank you Mother" I offered, as I turned and began to walk away.

I am not done.

I returned to her.

Deepen your roots and grow/strengthen your foundation.

"Financially?" I asked.

Yes, but rather your inner roots and foundation.  The one in you [spiritual core, connection to the land and Teachings].  Grow your roots and connect with ours. An image-feeling arose as she spoke -- of interconnected roots, and micellium -- all connected with my own energetic roots.  And then fear arose -- what if I am uprooted from this place?

She felt this and responded: Do your work, grow your roots, connect to ours, and we will bring or draw that which is needed to help you to remain here in connection with us.

"Thank you Mother.  Is that all?"  I asked

She laughed.  We could spend hours more, but yes, that is all.  I trust you will return often and soon.  She paused, and then, as a directive: Return often and soon.  Do your work often and soon.


Oct. 7, 2016

I have been making daily offerings and had many conversations with Prayer Tree.  It is time, she says, to make a clear plan.  Bring it to us so we can support you.

 Today she said much the same thing, and showed me a jumping spider, just at eye height when I had approached her.  Make the leap!  And go visit Prayer-Tie Tree.  It is time.

I walked to Prayer-Tie Tree, and felt him encourage me under his canopy.  I worked my way under the gnarled branches to an area where I could stand with ease, nestled amongst the hanging branches and tucked close to the trunk.  The work you must do here is experiential.  See, feel and know the land.  Connect with the land and teachings of Nature.  Be in ceremony -- let the things that you do be your offerings -- the farming and land care. Be healed by being in connection.  Live the medicine and teachings experientially. Now, stand here, feel, and be.

As I stood, a small chickadee landed on a branch just in front of my face -- less than a foot away.  It stayed for some time, chirped a few chirps, and then flew away.  As it flew away, a rabbit came out of the nearby bush and was looking for greenery for food.  Then a woodpecker landed about 10 feet away on an old fence post.

Prayer-Tie Tree spoke: Just breathe, feel and observe.  Learn through being, absorbing and receiving.  It is as simple as this.  They accept you as one of them -- one with them -- Nature.

Then he challenged me: What are you willing to do to manifest this [staying on the land here]?  What are you willing to give?  Who are you willing to be? Are you willing to "grow up", stand in yourself, and commit without hesitation to Being your medicine? 

He continued: Yes, make a plan, and do it with the awareness that whatever you create must be a healing, medicine path.  Walk the land with awareness and see, feel and connect with the sacred places -- natural "temples" on the land.  Make your prayer ties in these places, make offerings and recognition.


Oct. 18, 2016

I had emailed the local Medicine Woman-Elder of the tribes who belong originally to these lands.  I have met with her in the past, and now I invite her to come walk the land, offer song and prayers for its healing.  I keep feeling that the land needs to hear from one of those who it remembers...  Even though I have done prayer and ceremony on this land since we arrived, even though it has spoken to me in waking and dreaming time, I feel like it needs to hear from one who will awaken its memory and some part of its spirit that has been lost over time and mis-use.

She walked the land with me.  We started at the yurt.  She stopped half-way to the barn and called/sang-out to the land.  Her voice was piercing, unapologetic in its presence, and without any self-consciousness.  My hair began to stand up on the back of my neck.  My body tingled.  The trees swayed.

We continued to walk, and she called/ sang-out at the barn, and again as we approached to old campsite.  I asked her what her prayers are.  She said her prayer is like the prayer I would have in my own heart-mind.  She does not know what sounds will come from her mouth -- she just allows the sounds to come as an expression of the prayers she holds in her heart-mind.

When we arrived at the old campsite, I explained how truly sad I felt this place was.  How devastated it had been by unconscious logging by the owner.  Some of the trees had been old growth.  Truly old beings.

She made great apologies to the land and trees, addressing them directly.  She spoke her prayer aloud, so that I could also know her words: "We hope healing for the land, we are here to help the land, we hope the owner's mind will be set "right"...  We are sorry for the loss of the trees -- we know that this apology is not enough, but please know the thought is there."  She gave me some of her smudge-herbs for offerings.  As I made my way around to various trees, she drummed on a tiny drum she had been carrying, and danced on the ground.  Then, she gave me a great hug while she sang out.  We were both teary.

At the wetlands, she said prayer for the wetlands, and also the shale and stone that had been deposited here -- our oldest relations who had been displaced from their original home.  She wondered aloud -- "When the wetland is divided and destroyed by this road, where will the beavers and wetland animals go?  Where will the water come from to feed the trees and the land?  Does the owner not know or understand?"  And I expressed this has been our deep concern all along...

And as we turned to walk back, we both felt the shift.  The memory of the land was re-awakening.  The land was breathing once again.