Nov 24th, 2012
Entering the Grove, my uterus begins to cramp and I feel heavier bleeding happening. Walking to various emanations of Ma, facing each, I was urged repeatedly to visit Ancient Ma. At first I feel reluctant – I have grown attached to the teachings of this Grove. However, it becomes clear they are not going to teach me today. I wander deeper into the forest along the animal path.
As I arrive, the cramps increase and I know that I will soon spill my red-waters, and so I decide to give my red waters to her. I humbly ask that these waters be accepted as offering as they return to the earth, and then I follow with offerings of herbs and smoke.
Touching Ancient Ma’s gnarled bark, it takes some time to calm and listen for her wisdom. I realise what inhibits me are my feelings of doubt... "How authentic is what I am offering as medicine?"
"Authentic, child. We need you to stand by us, promote us as teachers – to validate our teachings by offering them to others. This is direct knowledge. Look all around you. Learn about the relationships between us – not just the singular plants. Learn from the land itself. The relationships are medicine and key to healing. The medicine is in the connections. Read as much as you can from those who also study our ways. Study in all forms. Our teachings are authentic."
"Please teach me," I implore.
"I will teach you how child, not what," she replies.
I hold her and close my eyes. A drip of water falls on my hairline and forehead, between my eyes. I feel as though she has anointed me, in order to open my inner eye to her teachings. I immediately feel cramping in my right ovary. As I focus on the sensation of pain, it shifts to sensual energy in my womb.
"Make love to the land," she says. "Intimately know it, and let it know you.
Walk this land, be in touch with the elements, be in touch with the land, make monuments and altars to the land, from the land."
I place my forehead on her. Where my forehead rests is a perfect fit from her curve to the curve of my own body.
"Come here often. That is your lesson – you will learn by coming here often."
Dec 9th, 2012
The rains fall steady. Everything hangs heavy and cool with the water and dark grey skies. I am not properly dressed, despite my umbrella, sweaters and shawls. My hands are growing numb.
She told me to visit often, and yet it has been 2 weeks since my last visit... In some ways it feels like just yesterday, and in other ways, it feels like it has been ages. Though I have not been present physically, I have held Ma in my heart. With each day, she winds herself more tightly through my inner space, and as she does, I feel something vital – encoded – in her spirals.
I make offerings to Guardian and Root Ma, and then ask them about their spirals. “You spiral clockwise in your growth, and I am curious why...? I understand the science behind it – there are proteins whose structures cause clockwise growth in your vines. However, that does not tell me "why" you exhibit this – only that this is part of your structure. Why is this structure necessary?”
Guardian Ma responds, "How do you feel?"
And, as though she is conducting a pulsation through my body, I feel my inner energy twining clockwise, and I feel OK – like I am spiraling upwards, or outwards. Then, the spinning reverses to counter-clockwise, and I immediately feel nauseous, dizzy.
"Still, I do not understand..." I say to her.
She replies, "It is our way."
"Your roots too?" I ask.
She shows me an image in my mind of her roots spreading through the ground as if they are searching, spiraling...
"Yes," she says. "We seek, we feel, we grow in this way..."
Momentarily satisfied, I change the topic and ask about my current and on-going work dilemma. I am directed to Root Ma.
"What is in your heart?" she asks.
"Simplicity, my vision for apprenticeship training, teaching on and with the land..."
"You must simply know what is in your heart. Our teachings are always of the heart – this you know."
I turn to Communicator Ma, and she offers the same message. Something is still irritating me – like a sliver that has not been removed as yet. Walking to the edge of the Grove and connecting with Loner Ma, I express, “I fear it will all be too much work, and that I will not see what is needed – what is being asked of me. Things seem to change every day. I have not yet found the clear path.”
"You MUST go with what is in your heart. Can you see yourself doing the same thing for much longer?" Images of the intensity of the work, the lack of "a life," and the feelings of weariness wash over me. "Change is inevitable. Change is needed. We are pushing you in order to preserve you. You are needed in service to us. Change will happen, one way or the other. Go home and vision. What do you want? Create from there."
I thank Loner, and proceed along the animal path toward Turn-in-the-Road. "Will I be able to do it, will I be able to make the change?" Something in me still feels like the timing iss off, the change too drastic. I have made many changes in my life – some very extreme. Yet, my gut usually knows when it is time. I have not had that confirmation yet.
"The spiraling road of growth and change... There may be many turns in the path – you will change what you need to change. Travel with us this winding road. Be clear what you want, make a plan, move forward. No animosity. Be empowered."
Her message complete, I turn toward the deeper forest. My body feels damp and cold. My fingers are growing painful in their numbness.
I approach Ancient Ma, giving her offerings of sage and tobacco, as well as hair at her mossy roots. Sensing what questions are in my heart, she says, "Do not come to me with trivial matters. The other Ma's gave you the guidance. Come to me for deeper medicine."
"What is the medicine of the spirals?"
"It is our nature," she replies. "If it were different, it would not be our nature." It was as if to say there is no other way. Her nature and her expression are inextricably entwined with one another.
I look at her body, and through the gnarled, thick, old bark, little buds of branches sprout. They are mesmerizing. Tiny buds of aliveness! I am so surprised to see how many there are. She has no other branches for many feet up. And it is nearly winter. I wonder if the offerings of the red-waters influenced their growth, as I had not seen buds the last time I visited.
"Even from the old can come the new," she says. "Do not be fooled by outer appearances. From the crone comes the maiden. Renewal.”
Knowing she addresses many levels simultaneously, I realise the insight is being spoken toward my own dilemma, as well as speaking of deeper medicine. Her demeanor soft, she is indirectly leading me toward an answer. I still feel dense. Why am I unable to grasp what she is pointing out regarding my own situation?
"You are being called to do what's in your heart, child," she offered in reply to my inner musings. "Your heart is someplace else." And at once, I understand. My heart is with her teachings, and not fully with my current work.
I feel the spiraling of my energy. And I feel an energetically rooted centre in the midst of the spiraling.
"You must stand for our teachings – stand firmly for them, and in them, and do what's in your heart. To not do so will carry consequences." I do not inquire further – unready, or unwilling, to hear the consequences.
"You are cold and having a difficult time listening deeply. Go do as the other Ma's asked you. Come back more prepared so you can listen. Go."
Entering the Grove, my uterus begins to cramp and I feel heavier bleeding happening. Walking to various emanations of Ma, facing each, I was urged repeatedly to visit Ancient Ma. At first I feel reluctant – I have grown attached to the teachings of this Grove. However, it becomes clear they are not going to teach me today. I wander deeper into the forest along the animal path.
As I arrive, the cramps increase and I know that I will soon spill my red-waters, and so I decide to give my red waters to her. I humbly ask that these waters be accepted as offering as they return to the earth, and then I follow with offerings of herbs and smoke.
Touching Ancient Ma’s gnarled bark, it takes some time to calm and listen for her wisdom. I realise what inhibits me are my feelings of doubt... "How authentic is what I am offering as medicine?"
"Authentic, child. We need you to stand by us, promote us as teachers – to validate our teachings by offering them to others. This is direct knowledge. Look all around you. Learn about the relationships between us – not just the singular plants. Learn from the land itself. The relationships are medicine and key to healing. The medicine is in the connections. Read as much as you can from those who also study our ways. Study in all forms. Our teachings are authentic."
"Please teach me," I implore.
"I will teach you how child, not what," she replies.
I hold her and close my eyes. A drip of water falls on my hairline and forehead, between my eyes. I feel as though she has anointed me, in order to open my inner eye to her teachings. I immediately feel cramping in my right ovary. As I focus on the sensation of pain, it shifts to sensual energy in my womb.
"Make love to the land," she says. "Intimately know it, and let it know you.
Walk this land, be in touch with the elements, be in touch with the land, make monuments and altars to the land, from the land."
I place my forehead on her. Where my forehead rests is a perfect fit from her curve to the curve of my own body.
"Come here often. That is your lesson – you will learn by coming here often."
Dec 9th, 2012
The rains fall steady. Everything hangs heavy and cool with the water and dark grey skies. I am not properly dressed, despite my umbrella, sweaters and shawls. My hands are growing numb.
She told me to visit often, and yet it has been 2 weeks since my last visit... In some ways it feels like just yesterday, and in other ways, it feels like it has been ages. Though I have not been present physically, I have held Ma in my heart. With each day, she winds herself more tightly through my inner space, and as she does, I feel something vital – encoded – in her spirals.
I make offerings to Guardian and Root Ma, and then ask them about their spirals. “You spiral clockwise in your growth, and I am curious why...? I understand the science behind it – there are proteins whose structures cause clockwise growth in your vines. However, that does not tell me "why" you exhibit this – only that this is part of your structure. Why is this structure necessary?”
Guardian Ma responds, "How do you feel?"
And, as though she is conducting a pulsation through my body, I feel my inner energy twining clockwise, and I feel OK – like I am spiraling upwards, or outwards. Then, the spinning reverses to counter-clockwise, and I immediately feel nauseous, dizzy.
"Still, I do not understand..." I say to her.
She replies, "It is our way."
"Your roots too?" I ask.
She shows me an image in my mind of her roots spreading through the ground as if they are searching, spiraling...
"Yes," she says. "We seek, we feel, we grow in this way..."
Momentarily satisfied, I change the topic and ask about my current and on-going work dilemma. I am directed to Root Ma.
"What is in your heart?" she asks.
"Simplicity, my vision for apprenticeship training, teaching on and with the land..."
"You must simply know what is in your heart. Our teachings are always of the heart – this you know."
I turn to Communicator Ma, and she offers the same message. Something is still irritating me – like a sliver that has not been removed as yet. Walking to the edge of the Grove and connecting with Loner Ma, I express, “I fear it will all be too much work, and that I will not see what is needed – what is being asked of me. Things seem to change every day. I have not yet found the clear path.”
"You MUST go with what is in your heart. Can you see yourself doing the same thing for much longer?" Images of the intensity of the work, the lack of "a life," and the feelings of weariness wash over me. "Change is inevitable. Change is needed. We are pushing you in order to preserve you. You are needed in service to us. Change will happen, one way or the other. Go home and vision. What do you want? Create from there."
I thank Loner, and proceed along the animal path toward Turn-in-the-Road. "Will I be able to do it, will I be able to make the change?" Something in me still feels like the timing iss off, the change too drastic. I have made many changes in my life – some very extreme. Yet, my gut usually knows when it is time. I have not had that confirmation yet.
"The spiraling road of growth and change... There may be many turns in the path – you will change what you need to change. Travel with us this winding road. Be clear what you want, make a plan, move forward. No animosity. Be empowered."
Her message complete, I turn toward the deeper forest. My body feels damp and cold. My fingers are growing painful in their numbness.
I approach Ancient Ma, giving her offerings of sage and tobacco, as well as hair at her mossy roots. Sensing what questions are in my heart, she says, "Do not come to me with trivial matters. The other Ma's gave you the guidance. Come to me for deeper medicine."
"What is the medicine of the spirals?"
"It is our nature," she replies. "If it were different, it would not be our nature." It was as if to say there is no other way. Her nature and her expression are inextricably entwined with one another.
I look at her body, and through the gnarled, thick, old bark, little buds of branches sprout. They are mesmerizing. Tiny buds of aliveness! I am so surprised to see how many there are. She has no other branches for many feet up. And it is nearly winter. I wonder if the offerings of the red-waters influenced their growth, as I had not seen buds the last time I visited.
"Even from the old can come the new," she says. "Do not be fooled by outer appearances. From the crone comes the maiden. Renewal.”
Knowing she addresses many levels simultaneously, I realise the insight is being spoken toward my own dilemma, as well as speaking of deeper medicine. Her demeanor soft, she is indirectly leading me toward an answer. I still feel dense. Why am I unable to grasp what she is pointing out regarding my own situation?
"You are being called to do what's in your heart, child," she offered in reply to my inner musings. "Your heart is someplace else." And at once, I understand. My heart is with her teachings, and not fully with my current work.
I feel the spiraling of my energy. And I feel an energetically rooted centre in the midst of the spiraling.
"You must stand for our teachings – stand firmly for them, and in them, and do what's in your heart. To not do so will carry consequences." I do not inquire further – unready, or unwilling, to hear the consequences.
"You are cold and having a difficult time listening deeply. Go do as the other Ma's asked you. Come back more prepared so you can listen. Go."
No comments:
Post a Comment