May 18th, 2013
I am restless. It is taking time to settle and connect with Heart Ma. I have brought another Robin's egg shell, crumbled from traveling in my pocket during the walk. I also hold a feather in my hand, along with herb offerings.
I open my heart to let her feel my jumble, and many minutes later, her voice emerges.
"You were told to share the teachings with him," she says.
"I know Ma, but I am not his teacher, I do not want to take that role. I cannot. He has his own teachings, received from his teacher."
"Trust child, just share the teachings. They will be important."
"How do I deepen my connection with the Other? This feels vital to the medicines, though I am unclear how."
"Open your heart, connect with him often, journey to him regularly. Open your vulnerability with him."
"I am also unclear about directions for teaching in this transition. It feels as if everything is shifting, constantly, and I have no ground. Do you have any insights to share for the teachings?"
"Live with the Other at least half of the time, or more."
"Why is that important to the teachings?"
"It's important to you.
And you are the carrier of the teachings."
"I feel disjointed, unable to connect, even to you."
"Wait child, just wait. Clear your heart, open and wait. All will come."
"Is there any medicine you would like me to work with tonight?"
"Listen to the sky tonight. Listen to the stars, sun and moon. Listen to the rhythms of nature." An image arises of my body rhythms – my Moon cycle – changing, healing.
"Go now child. It is time, go now."
May 19th, 2013
Another restless night. The light is just dawning – my room still bathed in grey shadows of the earliest hours. I lie awake. Sleep will not come. I decide to journey again.
The vision completes, and as I open my eyes, grey shadows
have been replaced by gentle light.
Within an hour, a vision of the teachings begins to emerge.
~*~
The graveyard is calling me – a place where I had found several bones a few years earlier. It is also the home of Pan, a particular emanation of Ma. As I turn toward the field of brush that leads to the graveyard, an animal path I have not seen before jumps out at me. Without hesitation, I begin to walk the path and almost immediately find a partial skull and vertebra strewn to one side. Ahhh… The morning vision-journey – bones of the ancestors. Walking a little further, I find an emanation of Ma. She is old, bark twisting left and vine spiraling right.
“Look at me," she speaks.
She twines upward around a dead tree for 10 feet or so. At her furthest reach on the dead tree, her main vine branches out into a jumble of many vines. For a foot or two, she appears to be a tangled mess. Then, her vines coalesce into a graceful grouping as she leaps across several feet to a nearby living tree, to continue her journey upward to the high canopy.
“I know you carry questions about the Other. I will speak to what is in your heart. You are to love one another, fully. Grow through the breakage, the deaths, work through the messiness. You will grow together, share medicine together, make love together."
"What of the new directions for the teachings, Ma?"
"The medicine is the same, child. Grow through the breakage, the deaths, work through the messiness. You will grow, share medicine, share teachings.”
"Ma, where do I find Pan?"
"Keep walking, keep searching, listen to your heart. You know the way."
I meander through the trees and shrubs for some time and find the graveyard. Within a few moments, I also locate a gnarly emanation of Ma who hangs heavily from its companion tree. Having visited Pan only once before, I am uncertain if I have actually found him.
"Are you Pan?" I ask.
"Make your offering and see," he says.
I make offerings.
Pausing, I wait for him to reveal himself.
He remains quiet.
I gather myself and silently confirm why I am here – what I am seeking… Insight. Insight into the medicines I am to be learning and sharing right now, personally and professionally.
"They are the same, child."
He grows quiet again.
I decide to dig deeper into my heart, to the worry I have been afraid to speak aloud.
"Is Ma – are all of you – still my teacher? Each of you have been mostly quiet lately – am I to learn from someone else?" I feel my shakiness as I ask.
"You are to learn from the whole forest," he assures.
Images – so many images – rapidly pass through my inner heart-eye… Various beloved emanations of Ma, the Counsel of Trees, Grandmother and Grandfather Tree, Life-Blood Tree, Dark Ma, Crow Molfar, Vidma, Makara, and countless others, all appearing in a rapid succession of images, each stimulating feelings and memories as they appear.
The experience becomes multi-layered. I see in my inner-eye webs much like spider webs. Each teacher – Ma, Dark Ma, Trees, and so on – exists at the centre of their own unique web. Each web has a unique orientation – some are horizontal, some are upright, others are tilted at various angles. Each web intersects at least one or more other webs, so that a long, complex multi-dimensional chain of webs forms. This shape floats freely in space.
"Complex dynamics," Pan says. "That is the medicine you are learning right now.
Complex webs of energy and interaction can pass freely through the truly clear and open heart."
A new image arises – that of a spacious, clear and open heart, through which an endless complex chain of webs flows. Then, the heart space becomes partially obstructed by emotional debris and sticky unresolved pain – the webs get caught and stuck, collapsing against each other, as they attempt their passage.
"How do I bring this teaching to people?” I ask. “I’m not even sure I can articulate it…"
"You have to live it. You are living it. Be open to the webs. See the tendrils. Feel the connections – across spans of time forward and back… Across all layers and dimensions. Broaden and deepen your view.”
A few moments pass as I attempt to digest this message. Though not as intense as the energy DNA download, it feels equally textured and important.
I decide to change the topic to something hopefully lighter…
"The Other?" I ask.
"He is your gift. He is your gift… You are each others’ gift. Smile, laugh, play. Really play. Let go and play."
I thank Pan for his messages. As I pass a nearby tree with another lovely emanation of Ma, I realize this to be the feminine counterpart to Pan.
She calls out to me.
"Remember his message, child. And follow your path. Follow your path. The forest is your teacher now. The forest is your teacher now. Follow your path..."
I am restless. It is taking time to settle and connect with Heart Ma. I have brought another Robin's egg shell, crumbled from traveling in my pocket during the walk. I also hold a feather in my hand, along with herb offerings.
I open my heart to let her feel my jumble, and many minutes later, her voice emerges.
"You were told to share the teachings with him," she says.
"I know Ma, but I am not his teacher, I do not want to take that role. I cannot. He has his own teachings, received from his teacher."
"Trust child, just share the teachings. They will be important."
"How do I deepen my connection with the Other? This feels vital to the medicines, though I am unclear how."
"Open your heart, connect with him often, journey to him regularly. Open your vulnerability with him."
"I am also unclear about directions for teaching in this transition. It feels as if everything is shifting, constantly, and I have no ground. Do you have any insights to share for the teachings?"
"Live with the Other at least half of the time, or more."
"Why is that important to the teachings?"
"It's important to you.
And you are the carrier of the teachings."
"I feel disjointed, unable to connect, even to you."
"Wait child, just wait. Clear your heart, open and wait. All will come."
"Is there any medicine you would like me to work with tonight?"
"Listen to the sky tonight. Listen to the stars, sun and moon. Listen to the rhythms of nature." An image arises of my body rhythms – my Moon cycle – changing, healing.
"Go now child. It is time, go now."
May 19th, 2013
Another restless night. The light is just dawning – my room still bathed in grey shadows of the earliest hours. I lie awake. Sleep will not come. I decide to journey again.
Imagining myself at the Scared
Grove, I ask for a guide. Dark Ma offers herself. “Not here, child. Come to the Deeper Grove.” Instantly I
find myself at Heart Ma, where I have left a few seeds of Dark Ma.
I become Crow, and we fly to a
land of devastation – burnt trees and desolation amongst the grey and dark sky.
"This is the aftermath of
trauma," she says. “Now,
walk… Walk the land.”
As I walk, I am to pick up any
bones I find and wear them – bone
medicine, the medicine of the Ancestors. After some time, I stumble
upon a spiral labyrinth.
"Walk the
spiral," Dark Ma whispers. "Let
yourself be "real." Walk the spiral.”
I walk the spiraling path inward
toward a mossy stone which rests at the centre and sit on the stone.
Stillness…
My heart feels at peace.
Dark Ma begins to speak. “You are birthing a vision – take time to
reflect. Do not be impatient. Spend time
with us, the Plant Teachers, and with the ancestors in order to fully vision
the teachings. Your time with the Other will help. Connecting and
deepening that connection will be medicine.”
Within an hour, a vision of the teachings begins to emerge.
~*~
The graveyard is calling me – a place where I had found several bones a few years earlier. It is also the home of Pan, a particular emanation of Ma. As I turn toward the field of brush that leads to the graveyard, an animal path I have not seen before jumps out at me. Without hesitation, I begin to walk the path and almost immediately find a partial skull and vertebra strewn to one side. Ahhh… The morning vision-journey – bones of the ancestors. Walking a little further, I find an emanation of Ma. She is old, bark twisting left and vine spiraling right.
“Look at me," she speaks.
She twines upward around a dead tree for 10 feet or so. At her furthest reach on the dead tree, her main vine branches out into a jumble of many vines. For a foot or two, she appears to be a tangled mess. Then, her vines coalesce into a graceful grouping as she leaps across several feet to a nearby living tree, to continue her journey upward to the high canopy.
“I know you carry questions about the Other. I will speak to what is in your heart. You are to love one another, fully. Grow through the breakage, the deaths, work through the messiness. You will grow together, share medicine together, make love together."
"What of the new directions for the teachings, Ma?"
"The medicine is the same, child. Grow through the breakage, the deaths, work through the messiness. You will grow, share medicine, share teachings.”
"Ma, where do I find Pan?"
"Keep walking, keep searching, listen to your heart. You know the way."
I meander through the trees and shrubs for some time and find the graveyard. Within a few moments, I also locate a gnarly emanation of Ma who hangs heavily from its companion tree. Having visited Pan only once before, I am uncertain if I have actually found him.
"Are you Pan?" I ask.
"Make your offering and see," he says.
I make offerings.
Pausing, I wait for him to reveal himself.
He remains quiet.
I gather myself and silently confirm why I am here – what I am seeking… Insight. Insight into the medicines I am to be learning and sharing right now, personally and professionally.
"They are the same, child."
He grows quiet again.
I decide to dig deeper into my heart, to the worry I have been afraid to speak aloud.
"Is Ma – are all of you – still my teacher? Each of you have been mostly quiet lately – am I to learn from someone else?" I feel my shakiness as I ask.
"You are to learn from the whole forest," he assures.
Images – so many images – rapidly pass through my inner heart-eye… Various beloved emanations of Ma, the Counsel of Trees, Grandmother and Grandfather Tree, Life-Blood Tree, Dark Ma, Crow Molfar, Vidma, Makara, and countless others, all appearing in a rapid succession of images, each stimulating feelings and memories as they appear.
The experience becomes multi-layered. I see in my inner-eye webs much like spider webs. Each teacher – Ma, Dark Ma, Trees, and so on – exists at the centre of their own unique web. Each web has a unique orientation – some are horizontal, some are upright, others are tilted at various angles. Each web intersects at least one or more other webs, so that a long, complex multi-dimensional chain of webs forms. This shape floats freely in space.
"Complex dynamics," Pan says. "That is the medicine you are learning right now.
Complex webs of energy and interaction can pass freely through the truly clear and open heart."
A new image arises – that of a spacious, clear and open heart, through which an endless complex chain of webs flows. Then, the heart space becomes partially obstructed by emotional debris and sticky unresolved pain – the webs get caught and stuck, collapsing against each other, as they attempt their passage.
"How do I bring this teaching to people?” I ask. “I’m not even sure I can articulate it…"
"You have to live it. You are living it. Be open to the webs. See the tendrils. Feel the connections – across spans of time forward and back… Across all layers and dimensions. Broaden and deepen your view.”
A few moments pass as I attempt to digest this message. Though not as intense as the energy DNA download, it feels equally textured and important.
I decide to change the topic to something hopefully lighter…
"The Other?" I ask.
"He is your gift. He is your gift… You are each others’ gift. Smile, laugh, play. Really play. Let go and play."
I thank Pan for his messages. As I pass a nearby tree with another lovely emanation of Ma, I realize this to be the feminine counterpart to Pan.
She calls out to me.
"Remember his message, child. And follow your path. Follow your path. The forest is your teacher now. The forest is your teacher now. Follow your path..."
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