Oct 11th, 2012
I awaken and the sense of the merger of our energies stays
with me through the morning – I keep anticipating seeing him walk toward me as
I head to the forest for an early morning hike.
Arriving at the fork in the path before the edge of the forest, I fumble for the apple core, wanting to leave a gift for the forest dwellers with the Guardian near the corner entrance. Still lost in thoughts about the dream, a rabbit interrupts my disjointed energy and darts across the path into the shrubs on the right.
For a few moments I am torn – leave the core at the Guardian, or on the right where the rabbit had disappeared? I decide to turn to the right and toss the core. Watching it bounce and come to rest, I see a large feather. It is under the brush, and looks a bit chewed up, with the colour of a seagull feather. I decide to leave it, as seagull is not a direct ally of mine. I wander the forest, allowing my mind to dwell on the dream and continuing to carry the sense that the man will appear wherever I go.
Eventually I loop back to the same fork, and the same feather. Deciding to take a closer look after some momentary inner-debate, I employ the help of a twig to reach into the underbrush. Moving the feather from under the brush, it turns over and reveals itself as an aged Eagle feather – faded heavily on the upturned side to a silvery colour, with the top edges and tip somewhat chewed.
I stand, gift in-hand, and my eye catches shapes and colours of bone, right next to where the apple core landed. Why had I not seen this before?
I stoop and pick up the bones – two vertebrae and a rib from what I presume was the Eagle to whom the feather belongs.
I make offerings, understanding these to be a sign. The entire walk begins to make sense as I replay it in my mind.
On the way to the forest, while still on the main road, I saw a lovely piece of cedar branch on the roadside. Initially I had walked by it and then felt a calling to turn around and pick it up. I had carried it with me the entire trip. As I had climbed the first hill in the forest, I encountered Sweet Everlasting, part of the family of Pearly Everlasting. There were 4 small stands of this fragrant plant along the hill-path, and I had stopped to ask permission to take some of the seeds and stalks home. It smelled so sweet, and after I picked two dried stalks out of the largest stands, I placed them together with the Cedar. Suddenly it looked like a most lovely bouquet! At the time, it reminded me of a bridal bouquet, and I thought back to an earlier walk in which Ma had instructed me to find a "bridal" bouquet to make as an offering at a Fire burning – marrying myself to my heart, community, teachers and path as Mol'farka.
Further along my walk I had found a stand of pale dried ferns. They were the colour of straw, and yet still somewhat supple. I asked permission to take a few branches, and added these to the bouquet.
~*~
It is later in the evening. Sitting in my room, I bind the plants into an official bouquet for my altar, and then bind the two vertebrae together. The rib and feather are attached to the vertebrae so they hang and can blow in the wind. I knew in my heart, as I stood at the edge of the forest replaying the walk in my memory, that these were gifted to me to attract my mate. Snugged one into the other as individuals, yet also interdependent lovers, I breathe prayers into the bound bones. Sliding the balcony door open, I tie the gift onto a branch of Ma, knowing the feather will call him on the winds.
Oct 13th, 2012
I lay awake in the dark, looking toward the bookstand by my bed that also acts as a small altar. I notice a small white light. It moves smoothly in the air, glowing with soft, almost misty rays of light. Watching it, I am quite certain it is enspirited, “alive.” It hovers for a short time, and then zips through the air toward my open window and disappears.
I turn over and notice a gentle glow of light coming from behind the other nightstand. Leaning on my elbow, I peer closer to see it. There are two light forms this time. They seem delicate, almost snowflake-like, with pure white luminescent, translucent light.
The light forms hover above of me as I lay on my back. I try to sense them – they do not seem like Nature spirits. Neither are they ghosts. They feel other-worldly, and we seem to have a mutual curiosity toward and comfort with one another.
I hear a noise from the hallway and am abruptly brought into waking consciousness. My body feels rigid and almost paralysed. I am not quite "in" it. It is as-if I had been struggling for breath, though I have no sense of not-breathing. What I feel, and what my body feels, seems like two completely separate realities that are only gradually merging back together. Slowly, sensation and breath return, as if I am re-inhabiting my body.
I ponder the experience – its timing and meaning. Is this connected to my studies as Mol'farka? I do not really understand the exact meaning at this time…
Oct 14th, 2012
Ever since the Sweet Everlasting was gifted to me, I have felt the strong need to make prayer-water out of it. I decide this particular prayer-water will act to attract love into my life. In making the prayer-water, my intentions must be very clear – impeccable in each step of the process. Prayers, thoughts and actions must be aligned, deliberate, integral and intentional.
As I lay in bed contemplating this, I feel inner resistance and resignation. Lack of self-worth – who am I to ask for my heart's calling when so many suffer in the world? My head knows that I, like anyone else, has the inherent right to ask for and receive love... Yet, I struggle…
As I swim in inner conflict, clarity begins to dawn – this simple act of alignment and purpose, prayer and intention is a part of my training. It carries rigour – and I am the test subject. This practice will help me to strengthen my ability to be fully aligned in all rituals and healings I conduct, especially on the behalf of others.
It will be both a test, and a rite of passage. The words of the Mother echo through my heart. The prayer-water will be for me personally, and I must give it all away – all the merits for the benefit of others. Do not hold on – it must flow through the open and clear heart.
Oct 19th, 2012
A bowl of water sits on my altar, red sandalwood powder floating on the surface as well as settling to the bottom. Prayers are infused within.
It is morning. Picking up the bowl, I consider where the offering will be made today. Ma, Dark Ma, prayer-stick, Life-Blood Tree?
Life Blood Tree… I walk outside in pajamas and shawl. It has been some time since our last meeting, so I reach out and touch her. She feels cool to the touch, and receptive. “Please accept my prayer and heart offering. May these prayers be carried through roots and branches to Gaia in her fullness. May you and I join as allies in healing. Please guide me as Mol'farka to know how I am needed by Her, how I can best serve. May I have the courage to step fully onto this path."
As I walk away, I hear her call me. "Don't you want your message?"
I turn back to her, and touch her once again, just above the spirit string. "Yes, please." I wait quietly.
"Do not harm, follow your heart."
She grows quiet, and my right ovary begins to throb with a gentle yet insistent pain. I am uncertain – why pain in my ovary? Is this about cronehood, or about intimate love?
"Find your voice.
Sing to us.
Speak on our behalf."
She grows quiet once again, and I know we are complete.
Oct 20th, 2012
The day was full of work tasks and marking homework. It is late. Many inspiring readings are calling to me – when will I have time to read and digest them all? I miss the spaciousness of summer.
I plan to walk to the forest in the morning, to gather Cedar and Salaal for classes on Monday. Students will mix them with the St John's Wort and Comfrey I had dried in the summer to make compresses for this week’s practice.
As I prepare for sleep, I feel excitement to visit Sweet Everlasting, the forest, and Ma. Tomorrow I will make the prayer-water. Ma and Sweet Everlasting, together... Mentally, I gather myself – I will only step into the process of making the prayer-water if I can be completely focussed and intentional. Otherwise I will choose to stop, and wait for another day.
Images of the little lights from my dream waft through my inner sight. A thought pops up in my mind, and my heart feels excitement – were they, perhaps, the spirit of Sweet Everlasting?
Climbing into bed, I whisper a prayer into the quiet of night…
A man is kissing me. A
delicious, slow, exploratory kiss.
Arriving at the fork in the path before the edge of the forest, I fumble for the apple core, wanting to leave a gift for the forest dwellers with the Guardian near the corner entrance. Still lost in thoughts about the dream, a rabbit interrupts my disjointed energy and darts across the path into the shrubs on the right.
For a few moments I am torn – leave the core at the Guardian, or on the right where the rabbit had disappeared? I decide to turn to the right and toss the core. Watching it bounce and come to rest, I see a large feather. It is under the brush, and looks a bit chewed up, with the colour of a seagull feather. I decide to leave it, as seagull is not a direct ally of mine. I wander the forest, allowing my mind to dwell on the dream and continuing to carry the sense that the man will appear wherever I go.
Eventually I loop back to the same fork, and the same feather. Deciding to take a closer look after some momentary inner-debate, I employ the help of a twig to reach into the underbrush. Moving the feather from under the brush, it turns over and reveals itself as an aged Eagle feather – faded heavily on the upturned side to a silvery colour, with the top edges and tip somewhat chewed.
I stand, gift in-hand, and my eye catches shapes and colours of bone, right next to where the apple core landed. Why had I not seen this before?
I stoop and pick up the bones – two vertebrae and a rib from what I presume was the Eagle to whom the feather belongs.
I make offerings, understanding these to be a sign. The entire walk begins to make sense as I replay it in my mind.
On the way to the forest, while still on the main road, I saw a lovely piece of cedar branch on the roadside. Initially I had walked by it and then felt a calling to turn around and pick it up. I had carried it with me the entire trip. As I had climbed the first hill in the forest, I encountered Sweet Everlasting, part of the family of Pearly Everlasting. There were 4 small stands of this fragrant plant along the hill-path, and I had stopped to ask permission to take some of the seeds and stalks home. It smelled so sweet, and after I picked two dried stalks out of the largest stands, I placed them together with the Cedar. Suddenly it looked like a most lovely bouquet! At the time, it reminded me of a bridal bouquet, and I thought back to an earlier walk in which Ma had instructed me to find a "bridal" bouquet to make as an offering at a Fire burning – marrying myself to my heart, community, teachers and path as Mol'farka.
Further along my walk I had found a stand of pale dried ferns. They were the colour of straw, and yet still somewhat supple. I asked permission to take a few branches, and added these to the bouquet.
~*~
It is later in the evening. Sitting in my room, I bind the plants into an official bouquet for my altar, and then bind the two vertebrae together. The rib and feather are attached to the vertebrae so they hang and can blow in the wind. I knew in my heart, as I stood at the edge of the forest replaying the walk in my memory, that these were gifted to me to attract my mate. Snugged one into the other as individuals, yet also interdependent lovers, I breathe prayers into the bound bones. Sliding the balcony door open, I tie the gift onto a branch of Ma, knowing the feather will call him on the winds.
Oct 13th, 2012
I lay awake in the dark, looking toward the bookstand by my bed that also acts as a small altar. I notice a small white light. It moves smoothly in the air, glowing with soft, almost misty rays of light. Watching it, I am quite certain it is enspirited, “alive.” It hovers for a short time, and then zips through the air toward my open window and disappears.
I turn over and notice a gentle glow of light coming from behind the other nightstand. Leaning on my elbow, I peer closer to see it. There are two light forms this time. They seem delicate, almost snowflake-like, with pure white luminescent, translucent light.
The light forms hover above of me as I lay on my back. I try to sense them – they do not seem like Nature spirits. Neither are they ghosts. They feel other-worldly, and we seem to have a mutual curiosity toward and comfort with one another.
I hear a noise from the hallway and am abruptly brought into waking consciousness. My body feels rigid and almost paralysed. I am not quite "in" it. It is as-if I had been struggling for breath, though I have no sense of not-breathing. What I feel, and what my body feels, seems like two completely separate realities that are only gradually merging back together. Slowly, sensation and breath return, as if I am re-inhabiting my body.
I ponder the experience – its timing and meaning. Is this connected to my studies as Mol'farka? I do not really understand the exact meaning at this time…
Oct 14th, 2012
Ever since the Sweet Everlasting was gifted to me, I have felt the strong need to make prayer-water out of it. I decide this particular prayer-water will act to attract love into my life. In making the prayer-water, my intentions must be very clear – impeccable in each step of the process. Prayers, thoughts and actions must be aligned, deliberate, integral and intentional.
As I lay in bed contemplating this, I feel inner resistance and resignation. Lack of self-worth – who am I to ask for my heart's calling when so many suffer in the world? My head knows that I, like anyone else, has the inherent right to ask for and receive love... Yet, I struggle…
As I swim in inner conflict, clarity begins to dawn – this simple act of alignment and purpose, prayer and intention is a part of my training. It carries rigour – and I am the test subject. This practice will help me to strengthen my ability to be fully aligned in all rituals and healings I conduct, especially on the behalf of others.
It will be both a test, and a rite of passage. The words of the Mother echo through my heart. The prayer-water will be for me personally, and I must give it all away – all the merits for the benefit of others. Do not hold on – it must flow through the open and clear heart.
Oct 19th, 2012
A bowl of water sits on my altar, red sandalwood powder floating on the surface as well as settling to the bottom. Prayers are infused within.
It is morning. Picking up the bowl, I consider where the offering will be made today. Ma, Dark Ma, prayer-stick, Life-Blood Tree?
Life Blood Tree… I walk outside in pajamas and shawl. It has been some time since our last meeting, so I reach out and touch her. She feels cool to the touch, and receptive. “Please accept my prayer and heart offering. May these prayers be carried through roots and branches to Gaia in her fullness. May you and I join as allies in healing. Please guide me as Mol'farka to know how I am needed by Her, how I can best serve. May I have the courage to step fully onto this path."
As I walk away, I hear her call me. "Don't you want your message?"
I turn back to her, and touch her once again, just above the spirit string. "Yes, please." I wait quietly.
"Do not harm, follow your heart."
She grows quiet, and my right ovary begins to throb with a gentle yet insistent pain. I am uncertain – why pain in my ovary? Is this about cronehood, or about intimate love?
"Find your voice.
Sing to us.
Speak on our behalf."
She grows quiet once again, and I know we are complete.
Oct 20th, 2012
The day was full of work tasks and marking homework. It is late. Many inspiring readings are calling to me – when will I have time to read and digest them all? I miss the spaciousness of summer.
I plan to walk to the forest in the morning, to gather Cedar and Salaal for classes on Monday. Students will mix them with the St John's Wort and Comfrey I had dried in the summer to make compresses for this week’s practice.
As I prepare for sleep, I feel excitement to visit Sweet Everlasting, the forest, and Ma. Tomorrow I will make the prayer-water. Ma and Sweet Everlasting, together... Mentally, I gather myself – I will only step into the process of making the prayer-water if I can be completely focussed and intentional. Otherwise I will choose to stop, and wait for another day.
Images of the little lights from my dream waft through my inner sight. A thought pops up in my mind, and my heart feels excitement – were they, perhaps, the spirit of Sweet Everlasting?
Climbing into bed, I whisper a prayer into the quiet of night…
Sweet sleep, may you carry
me to the land of dreaming.
May the act of dreaming be
the act of awakening.
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