June 30th, 2012
I spent the night sitting with Ma's answers from yesterday. I have not gone deep. I am spinning in surface circles. I decided, late in the night, that I will once again visit the forest today and bring several other questions.
The sky is gently grey. Unsure of direction as I leave the property, I simply begin to wander down the road. My heart… Why do I feel such isolation and loneliness? What right do I have to feel such way? I have set aside three hours to wander. I struggle, even with this. How many people have this luxury of time?
The road to the ancient trees in the public-park crosses my mind – there will likely be many people once I arrive. With people around, perhaps I will not feel so lonely. Or… I can walk into the forest and explore, knowing I will be alone.
As I approach the curve that will either take me to the forest, or take me to the park, I choose to be alone. I will be able to sit and ask my questions. Walking to the park, I will be on the roadway the entire way, with people around, and will not easily have the freedom to visit the Mother.
Entering the forest, at fork in the path where I had taken the students, I offer a heart-bow to the Gatekeeper. My attention is brought to movement against the grey-sky. Three turkey-vultures circle overhead, along with a raven. Eagle sits atop a tall tree.
I stand in the soft silence and open air for several minutes. The vultures seem so big. Until eagle flies – his wing span roughly two times larger than the vultures.
Now, eleven turkey-vultures circle overhead. Some land in tree-tops. And then, in a whisper, they are gone. The air becomes so consistently soft and silent.
Walking without agenda into the forest, I shortly find myself at the Counsel of Trees. I greet them, touching my heart. "You are here. I see you." Looking around, I salute the vines of Ma whom I can see and lay offerings for them.
Pausing in front of one Ma who has many mature branches, I ask the first question. "My heart is divided, and I struggle with loneliness. Can apprenticeship and love be the same path?" At that moment, I hear a whir in the air. Hummingbird arrives just behind me. Ma replies, "They are the same path, but one – either Mol'farka's apprentice, or love – must stand at the centre. And you know which one if you want true love for self and Other in your life."
I look at her. She has many strong branches – they are not wild – each divides gracefully off the same root and trunk.
"There is only one path. Many branches could potentially be a distraction if you are like Wild One. My teaching to you: Many branches, one path."
I look up. All of her divided branches grow in a common direction – upwards, toward the light.
A nearby Ma calls me. I go to her and ask the second question. "How do I make apprenticeship my centre?" I look – she reaches perhaps some 30 feet in the air. She does not touch her tree companion at all until a large branch, about 20 feet up. How did she get there? She appears to me to be a singular vision of sheer determination and magical faith.
"Trust," she says, "that they are all the same path. That all of your branches, quests, roles and needs are the same path. Put apprenticeship centre, and trust."
As I turn to leave a feather offering that represents human love, I follow her root with my eyes and see the wildness from which she comes. Her particular root is mixed within a mass of wild Ma-vines all growing out of a tall tree stump. I place the feather at her base, and follow with my eyes her singular path through the air to the high branches. “My teaching,” she says, “Many roots, one path.”
I leave the Counsel, and continue my walk in conversation with the forest and find myself wandering off-path again, stumbling into a small grove of vines and trees that I have never seen before. After formalities, I bring my next question... "Why is there this covering over my heart?" I feel the blanket that my heart is wearing. "What are deeper medicines for my heart when I am in this state?"
Ma's reply seems to echo through the brush, trees and other Ma's all around me. "There is no cover over your heart in its natural state. You place one over your heart so you do not feel. Open your heart and feel – your loneliness, sadness, heart-aches, confusion, all feelings..."
Hafiz's poem comes to mind in that moment.
All around me the Ma's form a tangled grove, within which the centre remains clear and open. I make offerings of an old sage I had discovered in my sacred items. I did not know I still had it – it represents the release of darkness.
"Your heart is closed and heavy because you deny it. Do not deny your heart. Listen to and follow your heart at all times."
"How do I know the difference between surface feelings and the deeper heart?"
She replies, "Go under the tangles. Feel for the clear and open space. It does not mean that you will not feel anything. It means look for clear, spacious, true feelings."
I continue my walk, and wander along another hidden path to a grove tucked away from the main path, near a mossy-clearing and small cliff, overlooking trees and the water far below. Before me is a magical tree with a mossy-base and several trunks rising up from it. Fairy-land. I am in fairy-land! There must be twenty or more Ma's dripping off the branches of this fairy-tree, like cascades of water toward the ground.
I make offerings, and ask, "How can I attune-to or know the surface medicine-allies for myself or those I work with?"
She replies, "You know your medicine is of the heart." She pauses to let that sink in. "But, if you must know..." She gives an image of holding someone's hand. "Touch, hold, wait, and ask. If it is for you to know, it will be given."
"Can I journey for the medicines or allies?" "Yes, of course."
I then ask, "Do you have any insight or knowledge of the workings of nature and ourselves that I can use to support greater healing?"
"You already do that. There is nothing new to know."
Distracted by mosquitoes, I change positions and approach another Ma. "What is the path of the clear heart of integrity? There are times I feel clouded or unclear. Especially when there is potential confrontation, or stickiness."
Ma compassionately directs me back to myself. "This is the work for you to do – to come to know and find your clear heart. And when you find it, stand in it fiercely, even when it is different from the path or choices of those around you. You must not compromise your own clear heart."
I thank the magical tree and many Ma’s and begin walking the path home when an older Ma calls me off the path. "Ask your questions, dear."
"When and how do I work with Dark Ma?"
"Her medicines are specific. For now, re-pot her and let her seed." She grows quiet, silent.
"The Spirit Teacher – the one I am not ready to meet. How do I prepare for him?"
"You must live your path consistently. Diligently. Until then, you are not ready. When you whole-heartedly embrace your path, the teacher will come. Right now, you waiver."
I stand with her. She becomes still and silent. We drop into a quiet, deeper space together.
Just past the fork, as I exit the forest, a beautiful adolescent eagle feather lays on the side of the path.
I spent the night sitting with Ma's answers from yesterday. I have not gone deep. I am spinning in surface circles. I decided, late in the night, that I will once again visit the forest today and bring several other questions.
The sky is gently grey. Unsure of direction as I leave the property, I simply begin to wander down the road. My heart… Why do I feel such isolation and loneliness? What right do I have to feel such way? I have set aside three hours to wander. I struggle, even with this. How many people have this luxury of time?
The road to the ancient trees in the public-park crosses my mind – there will likely be many people once I arrive. With people around, perhaps I will not feel so lonely. Or… I can walk into the forest and explore, knowing I will be alone.
As I approach the curve that will either take me to the forest, or take me to the park, I choose to be alone. I will be able to sit and ask my questions. Walking to the park, I will be on the roadway the entire way, with people around, and will not easily have the freedom to visit the Mother.
Entering the forest, at fork in the path where I had taken the students, I offer a heart-bow to the Gatekeeper. My attention is brought to movement against the grey-sky. Three turkey-vultures circle overhead, along with a raven. Eagle sits atop a tall tree.
I stand in the soft silence and open air for several minutes. The vultures seem so big. Until eagle flies – his wing span roughly two times larger than the vultures.
Now, eleven turkey-vultures circle overhead. Some land in tree-tops. And then, in a whisper, they are gone. The air becomes so consistently soft and silent.
Walking without agenda into the forest, I shortly find myself at the Counsel of Trees. I greet them, touching my heart. "You are here. I see you." Looking around, I salute the vines of Ma whom I can see and lay offerings for them.
Pausing in front of one Ma who has many mature branches, I ask the first question. "My heart is divided, and I struggle with loneliness. Can apprenticeship and love be the same path?" At that moment, I hear a whir in the air. Hummingbird arrives just behind me. Ma replies, "They are the same path, but one – either Mol'farka's apprentice, or love – must stand at the centre. And you know which one if you want true love for self and Other in your life."
I look at her. She has many strong branches – they are not wild – each divides gracefully off the same root and trunk.
"There is only one path. Many branches could potentially be a distraction if you are like Wild One. My teaching to you: Many branches, one path."
I look up. All of her divided branches grow in a common direction – upwards, toward the light.
A nearby Ma calls me. I go to her and ask the second question. "How do I make apprenticeship my centre?" I look – she reaches perhaps some 30 feet in the air. She does not touch her tree companion at all until a large branch, about 20 feet up. How did she get there? She appears to me to be a singular vision of sheer determination and magical faith.
"Trust," she says, "that they are all the same path. That all of your branches, quests, roles and needs are the same path. Put apprenticeship centre, and trust."
As I turn to leave a feather offering that represents human love, I follow her root with my eyes and see the wildness from which she comes. Her particular root is mixed within a mass of wild Ma-vines all growing out of a tall tree stump. I place the feather at her base, and follow with my eyes her singular path through the air to the high branches. “My teaching,” she says, “Many roots, one path.”
I leave the Counsel, and continue my walk in conversation with the forest and find myself wandering off-path again, stumbling into a small grove of vines and trees that I have never seen before. After formalities, I bring my next question... "Why is there this covering over my heart?" I feel the blanket that my heart is wearing. "What are deeper medicines for my heart when I am in this state?"
Ma's reply seems to echo through the brush, trees and other Ma's all around me. "There is no cover over your heart in its natural state. You place one over your heart so you do not feel. Open your heart and feel – your loneliness, sadness, heart-aches, confusion, all feelings..."
Hafiz's poem comes to mind in that moment.
Do not surrender your loneliness
so quickly.
Let it ferment and season you
as few human or divine ingredients can.
Something missing in my heart
tonight has made my eyes so soft,
my voice so tender,
my need of God absolutely
clear.
All around me the Ma's form a tangled grove, within which the centre remains clear and open. I make offerings of an old sage I had discovered in my sacred items. I did not know I still had it – it represents the release of darkness.
"Your heart is closed and heavy because you deny it. Do not deny your heart. Listen to and follow your heart at all times."
"How do I know the difference between surface feelings and the deeper heart?"
She replies, "Go under the tangles. Feel for the clear and open space. It does not mean that you will not feel anything. It means look for clear, spacious, true feelings."
I continue my walk, and wander along another hidden path to a grove tucked away from the main path, near a mossy-clearing and small cliff, overlooking trees and the water far below. Before me is a magical tree with a mossy-base and several trunks rising up from it. Fairy-land. I am in fairy-land! There must be twenty or more Ma's dripping off the branches of this fairy-tree, like cascades of water toward the ground.
I make offerings, and ask, "How can I attune-to or know the surface medicine-allies for myself or those I work with?"
She replies, "You know your medicine is of the heart." She pauses to let that sink in. "But, if you must know..." She gives an image of holding someone's hand. "Touch, hold, wait, and ask. If it is for you to know, it will be given."
"Can I journey for the medicines or allies?" "Yes, of course."
I then ask, "Do you have any insight or knowledge of the workings of nature and ourselves that I can use to support greater healing?"
"You already do that. There is nothing new to know."
Distracted by mosquitoes, I change positions and approach another Ma. "What is the path of the clear heart of integrity? There are times I feel clouded or unclear. Especially when there is potential confrontation, or stickiness."
Ma compassionately directs me back to myself. "This is the work for you to do – to come to know and find your clear heart. And when you find it, stand in it fiercely, even when it is different from the path or choices of those around you. You must not compromise your own clear heart."
I thank the magical tree and many Ma’s and begin walking the path home when an older Ma calls me off the path. "Ask your questions, dear."
"When and how do I work with Dark Ma?"
"Her medicines are specific. For now, re-pot her and let her seed." She grows quiet, silent.
"The Spirit Teacher – the one I am not ready to meet. How do I prepare for him?"
"You must live your path consistently. Diligently. Until then, you are not ready. When you whole-heartedly embrace your path, the teacher will come. Right now, you waiver."
I stand with her. She becomes still and silent. We drop into a quiet, deeper space together.
Just past the fork, as I exit the forest, a beautiful adolescent eagle feather lays on the side of the path.
Gifts at the cross-roads.
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