Apr 17th, 2013
Connecting with Heart Ma, I am happy to see the feather offering are still tied securely to her vine.
Raven barks in the background. It is nearing dark-time. I have come to seek insight about the Other, but she is very quiet. I feel how I am distracted.
"Let him go for now. He will not forget you, and you can, of course, return to thoughts of him later." I attempt to clear my mind by, instead, focusing on sensations and then posing a question.
"The transition is here, now. And I am still unclear what to teach – I know that something different must be birthed, yet I struggle to give it form," I express to her.
She brings my awareness to my skin and the feeling of my clothes. I have been aware since the weekend that I no longer feel comfortable in my clothes. My energy is shifting, I can feel that.
"What of the teachings, Mother?" I ask.
"Immerse yourself, child, as you did last summer. The teachings and directions will emerge. Your heart knows the path. Immerse yourself."
Then she spoke to my heart, in answer to my unspoken question. "He will be both – support and distraction to your path. Ground yourself even in the midst of the excitement. You can have both."
There is the sound of something rustling behind me. Not animal, not bird, I sense it move quickly. The darkening forest is coming alive with night sounds and creatures. My eyes no longer pick up details, and second sight grows more prominent.
I begin my trek out, and decide to stop at the Sacred Grove. I had felt Storyteller Ma on my way in, and so decide to pay respects and connect with her on my way out. As I touch her, a sensation of motion arises, and I ride the waves of movement for a time.
Then a golden light bathes my inner vision and she says, "Let it grow. Let it surround you."
I let the light grow, and feel a glowing warmth. Thoughts of the Other begin to intrude. I worry I might lose this light, and, sensing my concern she says, "You must build the light even through the thoughts."
Knowing she is training me, I continue for a short while. As night descends into darkness, I decide to wander home. Ma is teaching me to stay centred and on-track with my apprenticeship, even in the midst of this new energy.
Apr 19th, 2013
Little Ma quivers in greeting. I feel my deep fondness for her. Turning to Forest Ma, I ask about the Other.
"You have found your mate. Do not worry for how long. Just enjoy this. You have been brought together – a meeting that was arranged a long time ago. Be clear in your heart about what you want. He needs to be clear in his heart. Do not worry – he will wait."
I ask about the teachings. "My heart does not feel clear yet. There is something amiss."
"Patience, child... Immerse yourself in the teachings – you already know this... The answers will arise."
A few images of possible directions for teaching play through my inner sight. I still feel something is not yet ripe for birthing.
Walking to the top of the hill where Yarrow is just emerging for the season, I notice some of the other spring flowers and plants making their presence known amongst the grasses and rock outcrops.
The wind blows strong amongst the trees. Raven surfs the currents, and I face the gust, opening my heart and asking it to carry a message on my behalf to the Other. My heart is longing to connect more deeply.
A stronger, prolonged gust of wind presses against my body with an image and felt sense of him outside, looking at the hills, sensing me.
I walk to a protected gathering of Ma on the hillside, tucked in the trees. Making formal offerings, I sit in the midst of several emanations of Ma. It has been some time since my last visit with them – not since I was trying to understand the download about the new energy DNA.
“Ma, I feel like I am sitting at a precipice – in relationship, in teaching... There is nothing clear yet – am I to take leaps of faith, or sit here until something becomes clear?”
I connect with a few different vines, and one offers an image of teaching at my home studio part of the week, and being with the Other the rest of the week. I feel excited, happy. I do not know what to do with the feelings – such a rush of joy! I disconnect, and she calls me back to her.
"Can you feel this? Are you willing to be happy, to let your energies blend?"
Another Ma calls me to her. The wind blows in odd gusts around us and I sway with her. Strangely, this helps me root and begin to calm down.
"You cannot grow to where you need without this next step with him. The teachings that will emerge as a result will be potent."
I wonder, silently, if I have much to offer him.
"Your medicine is powerful, do not discount it. More powerful than you realise."
"But he spent 7 years being trained by his teacher," I say, feeling my insecurities.
"And you have been taught by us," she says sternly. "You have been guided and taught by the spirits since you were a child. You have much to offer."
And then it dawns on me – from the time I was three, or perhaps even younger, I have seen and spoken to spirits. The first I remember, aside from the entities who tried to capture me in my bed, was the spirit who lived in the crack of my wall and came out to have long conversations with me. Though I do not remember the specific conversations, I realise the truth of Ma’s words. "They" – the spirits – have been guiding me all along.
"Make your offering and go home. There will be time for us to connect later on."
Connecting with Heart Ma, I am happy to see the feather offering are still tied securely to her vine.
Raven barks in the background. It is nearing dark-time. I have come to seek insight about the Other, but she is very quiet. I feel how I am distracted.
"Let him go for now. He will not forget you, and you can, of course, return to thoughts of him later." I attempt to clear my mind by, instead, focusing on sensations and then posing a question.
"The transition is here, now. And I am still unclear what to teach – I know that something different must be birthed, yet I struggle to give it form," I express to her.
She brings my awareness to my skin and the feeling of my clothes. I have been aware since the weekend that I no longer feel comfortable in my clothes. My energy is shifting, I can feel that.
"What of the teachings, Mother?" I ask.
"Immerse yourself, child, as you did last summer. The teachings and directions will emerge. Your heart knows the path. Immerse yourself."
Then she spoke to my heart, in answer to my unspoken question. "He will be both – support and distraction to your path. Ground yourself even in the midst of the excitement. You can have both."
There is the sound of something rustling behind me. Not animal, not bird, I sense it move quickly. The darkening forest is coming alive with night sounds and creatures. My eyes no longer pick up details, and second sight grows more prominent.
I begin my trek out, and decide to stop at the Sacred Grove. I had felt Storyteller Ma on my way in, and so decide to pay respects and connect with her on my way out. As I touch her, a sensation of motion arises, and I ride the waves of movement for a time.
Then a golden light bathes my inner vision and she says, "Let it grow. Let it surround you."
I let the light grow, and feel a glowing warmth. Thoughts of the Other begin to intrude. I worry I might lose this light, and, sensing my concern she says, "You must build the light even through the thoughts."
Knowing she is training me, I continue for a short while. As night descends into darkness, I decide to wander home. Ma is teaching me to stay centred and on-track with my apprenticeship, even in the midst of this new energy.
Apr 19th, 2013
Little Ma quivers in greeting. I feel my deep fondness for her. Turning to Forest Ma, I ask about the Other.
"You have found your mate. Do not worry for how long. Just enjoy this. You have been brought together – a meeting that was arranged a long time ago. Be clear in your heart about what you want. He needs to be clear in his heart. Do not worry – he will wait."
I ask about the teachings. "My heart does not feel clear yet. There is something amiss."
"Patience, child... Immerse yourself in the teachings – you already know this... The answers will arise."
A few images of possible directions for teaching play through my inner sight. I still feel something is not yet ripe for birthing.
Walking to the top of the hill where Yarrow is just emerging for the season, I notice some of the other spring flowers and plants making their presence known amongst the grasses and rock outcrops.
The wind blows strong amongst the trees. Raven surfs the currents, and I face the gust, opening my heart and asking it to carry a message on my behalf to the Other. My heart is longing to connect more deeply.
A stronger, prolonged gust of wind presses against my body with an image and felt sense of him outside, looking at the hills, sensing me.
I walk to a protected gathering of Ma on the hillside, tucked in the trees. Making formal offerings, I sit in the midst of several emanations of Ma. It has been some time since my last visit with them – not since I was trying to understand the download about the new energy DNA.
“Ma, I feel like I am sitting at a precipice – in relationship, in teaching... There is nothing clear yet – am I to take leaps of faith, or sit here until something becomes clear?”
I connect with a few different vines, and one offers an image of teaching at my home studio part of the week, and being with the Other the rest of the week. I feel excited, happy. I do not know what to do with the feelings – such a rush of joy! I disconnect, and she calls me back to her.
"Can you feel this? Are you willing to be happy, to let your energies blend?"
Another Ma calls me to her. The wind blows in odd gusts around us and I sway with her. Strangely, this helps me root and begin to calm down.
"You cannot grow to where you need without this next step with him. The teachings that will emerge as a result will be potent."
I wonder, silently, if I have much to offer him.
"Your medicine is powerful, do not discount it. More powerful than you realise."
"But he spent 7 years being trained by his teacher," I say, feeling my insecurities.
"And you have been taught by us," she says sternly. "You have been guided and taught by the spirits since you were a child. You have much to offer."
And then it dawns on me – from the time I was three, or perhaps even younger, I have seen and spoken to spirits. The first I remember, aside from the entities who tried to capture me in my bed, was the spirit who lived in the crack of my wall and came out to have long conversations with me. Though I do not remember the specific conversations, I realise the truth of Ma’s words. "They" – the spirits – have been guiding me all along.
"Make your offering and go home. There will be time for us to connect later on."
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