Dec 21st, 2012
Winter Solstice... I no longer remember why it felt important to have a public prayer fire! In all of the burnings over the past 20 years, this will be my first formal public fire. I am excited. I am nervous.
I have spent my day preparing for ceremony, anticipating perhaps 15 people. About an hour before dark, I am pleasantly surprised as car after to car arrives at the property, carrying over 30 people.
As we gather in the studio, friends and students alike fall easily into an expectant quiet. Each person has spent 1-3 days in preparation with simple diet and clean water, good rest and focussed intentions. I speak casually about the importance of Solstice, the spirit of Fire, the meaning of prayer, and what to expect in the unfolding of ceremony.
As we sit in circle, some people sing while I bring the obkuryuvannya smoke to each person. The energy of the circle begins to build. No longer hesitant or nervous, I feel as though something else is acting through me. I am focused and present. Once complete, we move ourselves outdoors to the fire, already lit and skillfully tended to by beloved friends. What would I have done without them? With so many people, our Fire will be longer than I had planned for… What an honour to have them as Fire Keepers. I didn’t even anticipate enough wood for the length of Fire – they ran to the local store to buy more without me even asking. I am aware that accepting their help is a powerful statement in and of itself – I am humbled to be held in their care. Oh, this is why a public Fire is important!
After I make formal offerings to the spirit of Fire, each person takes their turn presenting personal offerings and prayers. For some, it is an emotional experience of connecting with forces and feelings they perhaps have not felt in a long time. Others carry a serious and sombre mood. For a few, the Fire prayers are joyful, light, freeing… Remaining open, the way Ma has taught me, the feelings and moods of each person flow through my heart.
About half-way through, I feel myself – the energies – expanding. My body is vibrating. I hold onto my Ladanka for grounding as I continue to keep my heart open and clear. Finally, at the end, it is my turn.
I make more offerings to the Fires, and then carry the prayers of those who were unable to attend, offering their words to the flames. "May the healing they seek be complete in their hearts and in the hearts of all those they pray for. May we dedicate these energies and the energies we generate to the healing of Gaia and all her inhabitants."
And finally, it is time for me to make a personal prayer. And I realise in all my preparations, I did not formalise a prayer for myself. I reach into my heart and speak simple words:
"May I be a worthy student of my Teachers and embody their teachings, offering them to others as best I can. May I continue to serve my teachers – Ma and Dark Ma – my students, Gaia and All."
The Fire crackles… And with this, sounds of gratitude and the joined voices of the circle fill the air. My body and energy continue to vibrate and feel expansive.
As we disperse to enjoy tea and one another’s company, I am aware that everyone can feel how precious and powerful it was to share this time together.
Dec 22nd, 2012
A gentle light fills the room as my eyes open. I slept deeply. Before I even sit up in bed, a flow of words spills from my heart – my Solstice dedication:
Dec 27th, 2012
Mt time is my own today – no exams to mark, no class preparations. All is complete. Approaching Guardian Ma, she speaks before I have even touched her.
"We are not your main teacher anymore. Your main teacher is a far greater Ma than you have met thus far," she says.
"I understand, and ask that you guide me anyway."
"Make formal offerings first."
I offer tobacco and then light sage. I know sage is one of her favourites. We connect.
"I have many questions – what do I ask first?" This is actually a rhetorical question. She replies anyway.
"Ask them all, we will tell you where to go or which teacher to see."
I have three questions in my heart. "I want to understand more of the spirals and the energy DNA." Before I ask my other questions, I apologise again for contracting in fear when they downloaded the information.
"You were not prepared for the implications of it."
I absorb her words and say, "I was not afraid of what it meant for humanity or as a teaching. I was afraid of my role as bearer of the information. I still question the authenticity of my place within this way of learning. Am I valid? Am I genuinely able to hear, with accuracy, these teachings? What you are teaching is too important to represent incorrectly."
"And now you are ready?" Guardian Ma asks, somewhere between snarky and genuine.
"Yes," I reply. There is still some hesitancy in my voice, which she ignores. I pose my next question, about work and current directions. And then my last, about me personally and love.
"They are all connected, you are aware?" she says, matter-of-factly.
Felt-images of the three separate energy platforms or situations, all interconnected by energetic tendrils, and all moving as one system, arise in my inner eye.
"I am aware on some level, Mother, and yet to me – in my day-to-day – they still appear and feel separate."
"You must get stronger in body and energy. The teachings will be clearer, bigger, more direct if you are clearer."
I vision the spirals of Ma. Guardian Ma has two directions. Her bark grows counter-clockwise to her twining, which is clockwise. I sense into my own heart and feel some contraction.
"Do not fear the changes. Your outer life will conform or change as needed to match the energetic shifts of your inner life. You must act as if they – the questions or situations – are One. See them as connected, as One. It's time for you to go elsewhere to one who can transmit a higher frequency than I. A wider river of energy is needed – Ancient Ma."
Our lesson complete, I bow in respect and feel my fondness and love for her.
Walking to Ancient Ma, I feel high – my visual-sight shifts so that colours and lines are heightened and intense. Greeting Ancient Ma, I leave offerings at her roots and light obkuryuvannya for herself and her companion on the other side of the tree. Leaning my forehead into the perfect curvature of Ancient Ma, I ask about the heart and spirals.
She re-iterates, "Soften your heart and let go of fear. The Coiled Ones will take you deeper on the teachings. Do not fear the shifts."
I imagine myself within the platform of work in the interconnected system of my questions. In the past she has not been open to entertaining questions of a personal nature from me – I ask if she is willing to hear today.
"They are all connected to the questions about deeper medicine. Yes, I will hear your questions," she replies.
“Ma, nothing is resolved, and I ask guidance and directions about work.” Ignoring my current situation, she instead addresses how to bring the teachings forward.
"You must teach from all perspectives – head, heart, body... Teach about direct knowledge and show them the path to it. Affirm it. Do not emphasize one more than the other. They are all important and connected."
Feeling like I have a small window, I press forward and shift to love.
"Open your heart," is all she offers.
I feel, or perhaps intend, a small opening.
"Do not waste my time, child. Open your heart WIDE. Clear. Spacious... and not just receptive but also expressive."
And I understood she was saying "love will come because you open and express love."
"Do your work, and trust, as you open we will bring love to you."
Images of students float through my inner awareness. "Even here, open wide. Let go of fear."
She offers more images, of people in my life I might struggle to open with. Something melts in my heart – a small rivulet of previously frozen emotion melts downward through my heart.
I allow myself to absorb this wordless teaching.
And when complete, I find my way to the Coiled Ones. After formalities, with no response, it seems as if they will be silent today. Or perhaps too many voices for me to hear? I wait, quietly, patiently. By this time, my hands are freezing and painful. I think about leaving. I look around. And then decide to visit an adjacent tree, for a last try, with one who is also coiled, solo, and older.
He (for it feels male to me) is, at first, also silent. Yet I feel him wanting to know something.
"Open," comes the directive, as if his word is law.
My mind obeys and instantly becomes more spacious.
"You do not need to think or visualise (which is what I was doing moments before with the other Coiled Ones). Just open.”
I progressively open my heart-mind, and momentarily feel fear.
"Do not fear," he says. "Allow the transformation. Just open."
Relaxing my caution, my heart and mind continue to clear and open. For the first time I feel the tightness in my body. I have been clearly far too disconnected. And then I feel the tightness of my body, as if it is too small.
"This is your work," he says. "Just open."
I feel the mundane world tugging at me.
"Is there anything else?" I ask.
"This is your practice before you sleep. Just open. Connect heart and mind each night, and open. Come back in 2 days." It is a firm statement. Law – not a request.
Winter Solstice... I no longer remember why it felt important to have a public prayer fire! In all of the burnings over the past 20 years, this will be my first formal public fire. I am excited. I am nervous.
I have spent my day preparing for ceremony, anticipating perhaps 15 people. About an hour before dark, I am pleasantly surprised as car after to car arrives at the property, carrying over 30 people.
As we gather in the studio, friends and students alike fall easily into an expectant quiet. Each person has spent 1-3 days in preparation with simple diet and clean water, good rest and focussed intentions. I speak casually about the importance of Solstice, the spirit of Fire, the meaning of prayer, and what to expect in the unfolding of ceremony.
As we sit in circle, some people sing while I bring the obkuryuvannya smoke to each person. The energy of the circle begins to build. No longer hesitant or nervous, I feel as though something else is acting through me. I am focused and present. Once complete, we move ourselves outdoors to the fire, already lit and skillfully tended to by beloved friends. What would I have done without them? With so many people, our Fire will be longer than I had planned for… What an honour to have them as Fire Keepers. I didn’t even anticipate enough wood for the length of Fire – they ran to the local store to buy more without me even asking. I am aware that accepting their help is a powerful statement in and of itself – I am humbled to be held in their care. Oh, this is why a public Fire is important!
After I make formal offerings to the spirit of Fire, each person takes their turn presenting personal offerings and prayers. For some, it is an emotional experience of connecting with forces and feelings they perhaps have not felt in a long time. Others carry a serious and sombre mood. For a few, the Fire prayers are joyful, light, freeing… Remaining open, the way Ma has taught me, the feelings and moods of each person flow through my heart.
About half-way through, I feel myself – the energies – expanding. My body is vibrating. I hold onto my Ladanka for grounding as I continue to keep my heart open and clear. Finally, at the end, it is my turn.
I make more offerings to the Fires, and then carry the prayers of those who were unable to attend, offering their words to the flames. "May the healing they seek be complete in their hearts and in the hearts of all those they pray for. May we dedicate these energies and the energies we generate to the healing of Gaia and all her inhabitants."
And finally, it is time for me to make a personal prayer. And I realise in all my preparations, I did not formalise a prayer for myself. I reach into my heart and speak simple words:
"May I be a worthy student of my Teachers and embody their teachings, offering them to others as best I can. May I continue to serve my teachers – Ma and Dark Ma – my students, Gaia and All."
The Fire crackles… And with this, sounds of gratitude and the joined voices of the circle fill the air. My body and energy continue to vibrate and feel expansive.
As we disperse to enjoy tea and one another’s company, I am aware that everyone can feel how precious and powerful it was to share this time together.
Dec 22nd, 2012
A gentle light fills the room as my eyes open. I slept deeply. Before I even sit up in bed, a flow of words spills from my heart – my Solstice dedication:
A call to the engaged heart:
A year of living prayer –
service to the Teachers, Gaia and all her inhabitants.
One Earth, All Peoples, Together...
Here and now.
May I inspire others to their
engaged hearts as well.
Dec 27th, 2012
Mt time is my own today – no exams to mark, no class preparations. All is complete. Approaching Guardian Ma, she speaks before I have even touched her.
"We are not your main teacher anymore. Your main teacher is a far greater Ma than you have met thus far," she says.
"I understand, and ask that you guide me anyway."
"Make formal offerings first."
I offer tobacco and then light sage. I know sage is one of her favourites. We connect.
"I have many questions – what do I ask first?" This is actually a rhetorical question. She replies anyway.
"Ask them all, we will tell you where to go or which teacher to see."
I have three questions in my heart. "I want to understand more of the spirals and the energy DNA." Before I ask my other questions, I apologise again for contracting in fear when they downloaded the information.
"You were not prepared for the implications of it."
I absorb her words and say, "I was not afraid of what it meant for humanity or as a teaching. I was afraid of my role as bearer of the information. I still question the authenticity of my place within this way of learning. Am I valid? Am I genuinely able to hear, with accuracy, these teachings? What you are teaching is too important to represent incorrectly."
"And now you are ready?" Guardian Ma asks, somewhere between snarky and genuine.
"Yes," I reply. There is still some hesitancy in my voice, which she ignores. I pose my next question, about work and current directions. And then my last, about me personally and love.
"They are all connected, you are aware?" she says, matter-of-factly.
Felt-images of the three separate energy platforms or situations, all interconnected by energetic tendrils, and all moving as one system, arise in my inner eye.
"I am aware on some level, Mother, and yet to me – in my day-to-day – they still appear and feel separate."
"You must get stronger in body and energy. The teachings will be clearer, bigger, more direct if you are clearer."
I vision the spirals of Ma. Guardian Ma has two directions. Her bark grows counter-clockwise to her twining, which is clockwise. I sense into my own heart and feel some contraction.
"Do not fear the changes. Your outer life will conform or change as needed to match the energetic shifts of your inner life. You must act as if they – the questions or situations – are One. See them as connected, as One. It's time for you to go elsewhere to one who can transmit a higher frequency than I. A wider river of energy is needed – Ancient Ma."
Our lesson complete, I bow in respect and feel my fondness and love for her.
Walking to Ancient Ma, I feel high – my visual-sight shifts so that colours and lines are heightened and intense. Greeting Ancient Ma, I leave offerings at her roots and light obkuryuvannya for herself and her companion on the other side of the tree. Leaning my forehead into the perfect curvature of Ancient Ma, I ask about the heart and spirals.
She re-iterates, "Soften your heart and let go of fear. The Coiled Ones will take you deeper on the teachings. Do not fear the shifts."
I imagine myself within the platform of work in the interconnected system of my questions. In the past she has not been open to entertaining questions of a personal nature from me – I ask if she is willing to hear today.
"They are all connected to the questions about deeper medicine. Yes, I will hear your questions," she replies.
“Ma, nothing is resolved, and I ask guidance and directions about work.” Ignoring my current situation, she instead addresses how to bring the teachings forward.
"You must teach from all perspectives – head, heart, body... Teach about direct knowledge and show them the path to it. Affirm it. Do not emphasize one more than the other. They are all important and connected."
Feeling like I have a small window, I press forward and shift to love.
"Open your heart," is all she offers.
I feel, or perhaps intend, a small opening.
"Do not waste my time, child. Open your heart WIDE. Clear. Spacious... and not just receptive but also expressive."
And I understood she was saying "love will come because you open and express love."
"Do your work, and trust, as you open we will bring love to you."
Images of students float through my inner awareness. "Even here, open wide. Let go of fear."
She offers more images, of people in my life I might struggle to open with. Something melts in my heart – a small rivulet of previously frozen emotion melts downward through my heart.
I allow myself to absorb this wordless teaching.
And when complete, I find my way to the Coiled Ones. After formalities, with no response, it seems as if they will be silent today. Or perhaps too many voices for me to hear? I wait, quietly, patiently. By this time, my hands are freezing and painful. I think about leaving. I look around. And then decide to visit an adjacent tree, for a last try, with one who is also coiled, solo, and older.
He (for it feels male to me) is, at first, also silent. Yet I feel him wanting to know something.
"Open," comes the directive, as if his word is law.
My mind obeys and instantly becomes more spacious.
"You do not need to think or visualise (which is what I was doing moments before with the other Coiled Ones). Just open.”
I progressively open my heart-mind, and momentarily feel fear.
"Do not fear," he says. "Allow the transformation. Just open."
Relaxing my caution, my heart and mind continue to clear and open. For the first time I feel the tightness in my body. I have been clearly far too disconnected. And then I feel the tightness of my body, as if it is too small.
"This is your work," he says. "Just open."
I feel the mundane world tugging at me.
"Is there anything else?" I ask.
"This is your practice before you sleep. Just open. Connect heart and mind each night, and open. Come back in 2 days." It is a firm statement. Law – not a request.
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