Snake, Crow Molfar and the Soul Retrieval

Feb 24th, 2013

The map shows land that is subdivided and being sold.  "There is a 10-acre lot purchased by a man who lives not far from here.  He is Tibetan, and I know he is community and family-oriented.  He's the friend of one of my friends, and I met him a couple of years ago.  I'm thinking of purchasing the 2-acre lot next to his," I speak aloud to my friend.  The lot I am considering is completely forested, with a road that runs along one side of the lot.

My friend, however, suggests a different piece of land.  It is also 2 acres in size, but is long and narrow – island-like, between two roads.  His argument is that it is the same size, but lower in cost.

When I look at the map, my heart sinks.  It does not look appealing.  He says, "Don't judge it until you see it."

I decide to visit and walk the property.  It is still unappealing – the plants are less vital, the trees are more sparse and the ground is somewhat dry.  The road can be seen and heard on either side of this island of land.  As I walk through the mid-section of the property, I sense movement to my right.  Turning to look, a massively large snake – perhaps 30 feet long with a body as thick as my own slithers through the brush.  I do not see its head as it moves away from me and into the thicket along the top of a nearby knoll.

I return home. My house is half open to the forest, and as I am preparing for bed I walk to the far end of the room where forest and floor blend and find a half-eaten snake that is half as thick as my body.  There is an impression in the ground next to its body – the head and large teeth of the snake I saw earlier in the day.

I can sense the large snake left just moments before.  I want to tell my friend.  As he comes into the room, he is "cold" in his demeanor and says he doesn’t want to talk about the property.  I tell him I want to show him the snake.  As we look at the half-eaten body, his mood shifts to semi-interested curiosity.

I, however, am feeling stressed about the larger snake. My friend seems to be passing it off as no big deal.  I show him the sand impression of the head, which begins to rise from the ground and transform into a 3-dimensional skull that towers over me with jaws open.

We lay on opposite sides of a large bed at the other end of the room – a shared bed, though we are not "together," that has several feet of space between us.  I am really worried the snake will attack me in the night.  My friend says if I plan to walk the property at 4:30am each night, then I should wake up at that time and let my eyes adjust to that light before walking.  I am feeling even more frantic and scared now – of walking and encountering the snake.  I feel small, helpless, and afraid to speak – like my feelings may continue to be dismissed.

I awaken and look at my clock – 4:30am.

Taking a breath or two, I replay images from the dream and let feelings, thoughts and worries flow through my mind and heart.  Tears begin to flow.  It is the first time I have cried in a long time.  I feel the similarities – lack of control in my life, feelings and needs that are, at times, dismissed by myself and others.

Later in the morning, I dress for a wander outside. It is wet and cold and I am chilled. My body wants to stay home. I am torn. Knowing I will be doing a Prayer Fire tonight I decide to stay inside and journey with Ma and Dark Ma to the snake.

Settling in front of my altar, still quite chilled, I hold seeds of Dark Ma, branches of Ma and snake skin in my hands.

After closing my eyes, it takes a few moments to drop-in. Deep silence fills me…  Then the chimes on my overhead light tinkle, and I sense Ma.

"You must journey, child."

In my heart, I enter the Sacred Grove, make offerings, and asking to enter the portal there. I am told instead to go to Heart Ma.

As I approach and make offerings, Heart Ma takes me into the nest of moss at her base. I enter the earth with her and we travel deep under the knoll where Ancient Ma resides, past bones of the Crow Molfar, down into the depths of earth. I emerge to a darkened night at the forest's edge, near a beach by the ocean. There are cliffs to one side and I walk toward the towering rocks. A waterfall is there.

I stand, listening and watching the water – it is cold here.

"Walk under, into the waters," Dark Ma directs.

"But it's cold", I say. And I walk in anyway.

As I stand behind the falls, Makara appears and swims around my body.

Dark Ma says, "She is Snake when in her earth form, Makara in her water form. The Great Feminine. You fear to embody her."

I am released from the waters and begin to walk on the beach. I do not know where to go, but feel an imperative to make a Prayer Fire.

The Fire burns strong and bright, and I am uncertain what to offer, and what to pray for.

"Pray for yourself. Pray to embody the snake."  I am not sure who has spoken, Ma or Dark Ma.

I become sleepy and then find myself emerging out of the journey quickly. Too quickly. I am dizzy. I step back into it to try and close with offerings.  I then re-emerge, and take a few moments to breathe and sit quietly.

After a few moments, I decide to journey a second time to the Deeper Grove, and approach Ancient Ma. She immediately directs me to the Crow Molfar's tree stump. I walk to the stump and am swept into the winds with the Molfar who has form and no form simultaneously. At first I am beside him, holding his hand. Then he becomes Crow and I am riding his back, then clinging to his belly. Neither position feels right.

"You can fly, you know," he says. And so I let go and fly beside him.

I ask, "Are we staying in the middle realm?"

Images and feelings of heartache arise, of possible scenarios to come. None of the options that play through my heart feels quite right.

The Crow Molfar's voice whispers in my ear, "We are going to the land of your heart desires."

The Molfar lands, and we are in a place of dense fog.

I wonder why we are here. Then a gentle heart pain emerges. I feel into it.

It is the pain that arises when I am simply being me, in my innocence, in all my joy and awkwardness and pure heart-open love and then I am met in some way with being shut down, rejected, or put-down.

"What is your heart desire?" he asks.

"I want to be loved," I say. "Loved as I am."

I quickly realise that there will be no partner to love "her" in this way – she is just a child.  I perceive her somewhere in the fog.

"Who will love her?" Crow Molfar asks.

"I will," I reply.

"Go to her," he says.

I walk into the fog and find her. She is 5 or 6 years old. Long sandy brown hair. She has been lost for so long – all she knows and sees is fog. She has been in pain. When I embrace her, the fog dissipates and her vision clears. It is warm and we are in a room. There are people there with whom I feel vulnerable, and my job is to protect and love her – it is no one else's job. I must allow her to be herself and stand by her, love her, and re-incorporate her as she has a chance to heal and grow.

As I kneel to hold her, he lifts to fly away. I call to him, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "You must take her and fly home yourself."

I understand in that moment that this is a soul-retrieval – I am retrieving a long lost piece of myself!  I gather her into my arms, and we emerge at the stump.

She is with me, and is now in my care.

As we make an offering of gratitude, the Molfar whispers in the air, "When you have embodied her completely and healed this soul piece, I will hand the role of Vorona Mol'farka to you. For now, you must Journey. This is your first teaching with me."