June 10th, 2013
I have walked past the Deeper Grove to the edge of forest near the steep rock ridge, where I meet a new emanation of Ma. Crow Molfar's wind is blowing, warm and wild, as Raven calls in the background.
I have just left 6 iron nails in a circle near Heart Ma, and peed on them. Tomorrow I will feed an offering to an elder Highlander cow on the property where the Other lives. Just as the Vedic astrologer counselled many years ago – predicting anaemia – I was to pee on iron nails I planted into the ground where I live, and make offerings to cows.
I am asking the new Ma – Tangled Ma – for insight on my current dilemma.
"You must journey with Crow Molfar this night," she says. "And hold your centre. Do not give up your centre. And do not give up what is precious. This love is precious – guard it."
I spy another nearby emanation that appears like a beautiful coiled snake around an arbutus.
The winds begin to blow with fury.
"Find your centre," she says.
I feel unbalanced as the winds tear around me – Spirit seems to blow right through me.
"Pull back your heart from what unbalances you and find your centre."
A dry arbutus leaf bonks me on the nose.
"Is there anything else you would like me to know about this situation, or the teachings?" I ask.
"Develop the medicine teachings. Follow your instincts," she replies.
"And the Other?"
"Love him, be uplifted by him." My body begins to feel like it is literally rising up out of the earth. I grip Ma more tightly to ground my world.
"And the ones whom I struggle with right now?" I ask.
"They are shaky. Try not to rock their world too much, but be respectful to your own."
"Anything about your teachings?"
"Clear heart, child. Just practise clear heart."
I turn to leave, and feel Crow Molfar on the winds once again. Looking up, Raven circles directly above me, caawing as he spreads his tattered feathers and V-shaped tail, surfing directly overhead on an unseen current of wind, barely moving – just suspended in space.
I feel visited and blessed.
June 11th, 2013
The Other hands me a stale loaf of bread to feed to the Highlander cow. I carry a handful of nails to plant here, at the farm, in the ground – marking my other home.
She stands at the fence, and I reach out with the bread tentatively. She cranes her head forward to sniff the loaf. A large greyish tongue extends in a slurping motion. Taking a small step forward, her mouth opens to grasp the bread out of my hand. After chewing, she looks at me and grunts, as if asking for more... Her eyes are intelligent.
June 14th, 2013
Day 1 of teaching the Plant Spirit course, and we are in the forest. The students have all dispersed to their teachers. As I walk the circuit, making offerings along the way and asking the forest to protect and help the students in their journeys, I pass one of the entrances from the meadow to the forest and find a dead snake.
Immediately I feel the snake-like constraint I have been carrying around my heart recently. Pain still writhes within. Is this a sign, to let the snake die? Or have I killed the snake that needs to be kept alive and transformed into new energy?
The mid under-belly of the snake is crushed and torn. It probably died a slow death… Placing the snake in the underbrush, I thank its spirit and leave herbs as offering.
I continue around the bend toward Forest Ma.
"Mother, I ask for medicine for all that is happening right now."
"Stay still. Stay calm. Stay in your centre. Stay in your open and clear heart. You are being blown around like the wind. Come back to your centre." Her voice is soft and comforting.
"Ma, are there medicines for this pain?"
"What do you want to see child?" she asks.
"I want to be clear, open, the Mol'farka," I reply.
She asks a leading question…"To define yourself?"
I think for a moment. "Yes."
"Spend time defining who you want to be. Journey and vision her. Journey to her often – your heart, your strength. See her, feel her, call her into you, especially in those times of need."
"Is this an initiation, Ma?" I have been wondering this the past many days.
"Yes," she says. "A time of rooting out the darkness – rooting out all that does not serve you.
Do your battle in the spirit realm – you do not need to take it to the physical realm. Journey, dream and do your battle in That realm – the battle with your inner forces of darkness – with all the forces of darkness that are at play with you."
She offers an image of movement – half dance, half martial art – in the dark. And I understand that she wants me to achieve healing through this movement – a battle enacted through my body, dark energies released and transmuted on an energetic-cellular level.
"And when you are complete, journey to the home you are building," she says... "The dream you are building. Journey there, feel it, be in it. Call it to you often.
You must build your new Mol'farka's body, and destroy – simultaneously – the old body. Skin was not enough. You are awash in an old body. Let it go. This is the battle – this struggle you have been feeling. It is not personal to anyone – do not get pulled in to anyone else's drama.”
She pauses for a moment, as if collecting her own thoughts.
“As drama unfolds in the personal realm, know what is really happening… The personal drama is not what's real. It’s only a vehicle. What is really happening is the battle, which is the deconstruction of the old body. Willingly destroy it, and build your new body. Live it, wear it, be it."
I think of the Other.
"It is possible," Ma says. "What you see and want is possible. You must be willing to step into the vision. Your coming together is much more than just love. The medicine you share and create is much stronger than love alone. The love you experience is the gift and pathway. What is created is medicine. The medicine includes both of you, and is beyond both of you. Understand and see what is actually happening, beyond the drama, beyond the personal, and step into it.
You must do this work."
As I walk away, she continues transmitting her message.
June 15th, 2013
Ravens call as we walk in silence toward the forest – guardians announcing our arrival to the forest beings, speaking the forest language.
As I complete walking the circuit, I am thinking of snake as totem. Within a few steps, a snake slithers from path to underbrush just in front of me.
I walk to Forest Ma.
"Ma, I have returned. What medicines can I offer you? How may I serve you?"
"There is danger, child, and you sense it. Do not ignore this. You must clearly choose where and how you will engage your energy. Poison candy – being nice, trying to please – do not play that game with those who want to hold you to your old image and old roles. You are only poisoning yourself if you do so."
I receive her words and know she speaks truth. This time of transition and transformation requires my full, unwavering commitment to and embodiment of the teachings. There is no room for anything else.
Restless, I have a difficult time staying connected. I step away from Ma to burn some obkuryuvannya. Feeling a small clearing, I approach Forest Ma again.
As I hold her vine, I think of integrity, truth, and living in my centre. "I will be open, Ma. I have no choice. Please, show me the path, the medicine."
"What do you want to experience, child?"
Different "realities" pass through my heart – what I live with the Other, what I can see as possible in living and teaching.
Ma says, "Yes, this is your clear vision. The vision you can call into being."
I then think of other possible paths – teaching for the sole pursuit of money, travel, corporate work… A Stellar Jay begins to yell at me. He hops angrily from tree to tree yelling.
I pause. I know that "corporate work" is not my truth. The Jay calms as I affirm that. Stellar Jay came to my dreams last night – clearly a messenger. This is my first time seeing a Stellar Jay here in this forest. "Do not lose your way," it calls as it flutters nearby.
I thank Forest Ma for the messenger.
"We are all here for you, child."
I then feel the interconnected forest energy speaking through her.
"You must get clear with what you want in your teachings and work. You must get clear with what you want with the Other. No games of trying to be nice or pleasing in order to protect yourself from conflict – this is what is dangerous."
I have walked past the Deeper Grove to the edge of forest near the steep rock ridge, where I meet a new emanation of Ma. Crow Molfar's wind is blowing, warm and wild, as Raven calls in the background.
I have just left 6 iron nails in a circle near Heart Ma, and peed on them. Tomorrow I will feed an offering to an elder Highlander cow on the property where the Other lives. Just as the Vedic astrologer counselled many years ago – predicting anaemia – I was to pee on iron nails I planted into the ground where I live, and make offerings to cows.
I am asking the new Ma – Tangled Ma – for insight on my current dilemma.
"You must journey with Crow Molfar this night," she says. "And hold your centre. Do not give up your centre. And do not give up what is precious. This love is precious – guard it."
I spy another nearby emanation that appears like a beautiful coiled snake around an arbutus.
The winds begin to blow with fury.
"Find your centre," she says.
I feel unbalanced as the winds tear around me – Spirit seems to blow right through me.
"Pull back your heart from what unbalances you and find your centre."
A dry arbutus leaf bonks me on the nose.
"Is there anything else you would like me to know about this situation, or the teachings?" I ask.
"Develop the medicine teachings. Follow your instincts," she replies.
"And the Other?"
"Love him, be uplifted by him." My body begins to feel like it is literally rising up out of the earth. I grip Ma more tightly to ground my world.
"And the ones whom I struggle with right now?" I ask.
"They are shaky. Try not to rock their world too much, but be respectful to your own."
"Anything about your teachings?"
"Clear heart, child. Just practise clear heart."
I turn to leave, and feel Crow Molfar on the winds once again. Looking up, Raven circles directly above me, caawing as he spreads his tattered feathers and V-shaped tail, surfing directly overhead on an unseen current of wind, barely moving – just suspended in space.
I feel visited and blessed.
June 11th, 2013
The Other hands me a stale loaf of bread to feed to the Highlander cow. I carry a handful of nails to plant here, at the farm, in the ground – marking my other home.
She stands at the fence, and I reach out with the bread tentatively. She cranes her head forward to sniff the loaf. A large greyish tongue extends in a slurping motion. Taking a small step forward, her mouth opens to grasp the bread out of my hand. After chewing, she looks at me and grunts, as if asking for more... Her eyes are intelligent.
June 14th, 2013
Day 1 of teaching the Plant Spirit course, and we are in the forest. The students have all dispersed to their teachers. As I walk the circuit, making offerings along the way and asking the forest to protect and help the students in their journeys, I pass one of the entrances from the meadow to the forest and find a dead snake.
Immediately I feel the snake-like constraint I have been carrying around my heart recently. Pain still writhes within. Is this a sign, to let the snake die? Or have I killed the snake that needs to be kept alive and transformed into new energy?
The mid under-belly of the snake is crushed and torn. It probably died a slow death… Placing the snake in the underbrush, I thank its spirit and leave herbs as offering.
I continue around the bend toward Forest Ma.
"Mother, I ask for medicine for all that is happening right now."
"Stay still. Stay calm. Stay in your centre. Stay in your open and clear heart. You are being blown around like the wind. Come back to your centre." Her voice is soft and comforting.
"Ma, are there medicines for this pain?"
"What do you want to see child?" she asks.
"I want to be clear, open, the Mol'farka," I reply.
She asks a leading question…"To define yourself?"
I think for a moment. "Yes."
"Spend time defining who you want to be. Journey and vision her. Journey to her often – your heart, your strength. See her, feel her, call her into you, especially in those times of need."
"Is this an initiation, Ma?" I have been wondering this the past many days.
"Yes," she says. "A time of rooting out the darkness – rooting out all that does not serve you.
Do your battle in the spirit realm – you do not need to take it to the physical realm. Journey, dream and do your battle in That realm – the battle with your inner forces of darkness – with all the forces of darkness that are at play with you."
She offers an image of movement – half dance, half martial art – in the dark. And I understand that she wants me to achieve healing through this movement – a battle enacted through my body, dark energies released and transmuted on an energetic-cellular level.
"And when you are complete, journey to the home you are building," she says... "The dream you are building. Journey there, feel it, be in it. Call it to you often.
You must build your new Mol'farka's body, and destroy – simultaneously – the old body. Skin was not enough. You are awash in an old body. Let it go. This is the battle – this struggle you have been feeling. It is not personal to anyone – do not get pulled in to anyone else's drama.”
She pauses for a moment, as if collecting her own thoughts.
“As drama unfolds in the personal realm, know what is really happening… The personal drama is not what's real. It’s only a vehicle. What is really happening is the battle, which is the deconstruction of the old body. Willingly destroy it, and build your new body. Live it, wear it, be it."
I think of the Other.
"It is possible," Ma says. "What you see and want is possible. You must be willing to step into the vision. Your coming together is much more than just love. The medicine you share and create is much stronger than love alone. The love you experience is the gift and pathway. What is created is medicine. The medicine includes both of you, and is beyond both of you. Understand and see what is actually happening, beyond the drama, beyond the personal, and step into it.
You must do this work."
As I walk away, she continues transmitting her message.
"Two things can be
happening at once – the outer reality and the inner reality. Sometimes they are
completely different. You may be called to follow a specific action on the
outside, while on the inside you are weaving a different energy. The inner
weaving can be completely different from the outer reality and actions. And,
sometimes, the outer reflects or enhances the inner. This is also possible.
Your job is to do your outer actions impeccably and with the purpose of serving
what is at-hand. Simultaneously you will weave a different reality in the inner
energy realm. This will be your true purpose, hidden behind outer
actions."
June 15th, 2013
Ravens call as we walk in silence toward the forest – guardians announcing our arrival to the forest beings, speaking the forest language.
As I complete walking the circuit, I am thinking of snake as totem. Within a few steps, a snake slithers from path to underbrush just in front of me.
I walk to Forest Ma.
"Ma, I have returned. What medicines can I offer you? How may I serve you?"
"There is danger, child, and you sense it. Do not ignore this. You must clearly choose where and how you will engage your energy. Poison candy – being nice, trying to please – do not play that game with those who want to hold you to your old image and old roles. You are only poisoning yourself if you do so."
I receive her words and know she speaks truth. This time of transition and transformation requires my full, unwavering commitment to and embodiment of the teachings. There is no room for anything else.
Restless, I have a difficult time staying connected. I step away from Ma to burn some obkuryuvannya. Feeling a small clearing, I approach Forest Ma again.
As I hold her vine, I think of integrity, truth, and living in my centre. "I will be open, Ma. I have no choice. Please, show me the path, the medicine."
"What do you want to experience, child?"
Different "realities" pass through my heart – what I live with the Other, what I can see as possible in living and teaching.
Ma says, "Yes, this is your clear vision. The vision you can call into being."
I then think of other possible paths – teaching for the sole pursuit of money, travel, corporate work… A Stellar Jay begins to yell at me. He hops angrily from tree to tree yelling.
I pause. I know that "corporate work" is not my truth. The Jay calms as I affirm that. Stellar Jay came to my dreams last night – clearly a messenger. This is my first time seeing a Stellar Jay here in this forest. "Do not lose your way," it calls as it flutters nearby.
I thank Forest Ma for the messenger.
"We are all here for you, child."
I then feel the interconnected forest energy speaking through her.
"You must get clear with what you want in your teachings and work. You must get clear with what you want with the Other. No games of trying to be nice or pleasing in order to protect yourself from conflict – this is what is dangerous."
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