Sept 1st, 2012
I write the dream in my journal at 2:41am, and then return to sleep. At 7:30am I feel groggy and tired upon waking. Without hesitation, or morning rituals for that matter, I do some online searching to find out more about the creature of my dreams. I know that in Indian Tantric symbolism, the white crocodile relates to the second chakra. Though the crocodile of the dream is not white in colour, the cave was...
A bit of searching through Tibetan Tantric information reveals a link to a creature called a Makara, crocodile-like, though sometimes also embodying features from other animals. The head of the Makara can sometimes be found architecturally in India as a water-spout, with water emerging from its snout. In Tibetan Tantra it is often found depicted at the end of each prong of a Vajra, which is an object held in the hands while chanting, visualising and meditating.
Makara rules the deep oceans of our being, much like the Indian symbolism associated with the second chakra. This ocean represents the watery depths of the unconscious and emotions contained within, as well as the source of life and aliveness. It is full of potential – mysterious, vast, at times dangerous, and at other times awe-inspiring. If we find ourselves lost in this realm, we may be swallowed whole by this creature – eaten alive by all-consuming passions, and yet subject to immense transformation in the process of digestion (fire is related to digestion, transformation, and the inner light of awareness; "oily" is the quality of the waters of our physical body and becomes food (soma) for the fire; sugar is a combination of cooling water and earth elements, and builds all the tissues of our body, another form of soma or food).
As ruler of the oceans, Makara regulates the flow of the waters of our being – on all levels (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual). It can stop the flow of water, or release it. It is also associated with the moon and lunar cycles. As such, Makara also rules fertility, sensuality and sexuality.
~*~
It is the late afternoon. I have entered the forest. A sign greets me – Cougar spotted in the area. I think of the Makara.
I have not been here in many weeks and greet Little Ma and Forest-Edge Ma. Little Ma seems joyful. Though not any taller, she has thickened and firmed slightly from her younger, more vulnerable flesh. They are quiet, no teachings to offer. Rather, they welcome me, invite me to be with my forest friends, to restore and nourish myself.
I walk to Grandmother Tree and place offerings in the crevices of her bark. My body does not feel completely well today – there is heat behind my eyes, my muscles are sloggy as if they are not getting enough oxygen, and my heart is lightly racing. I place my hands on Grandmother and she greets me with warmth – literal warmth – that radiates to my hands and into my arms. Her base and trunk stand in the shade all day, so the heat is surprising. I feel like she is offering me healing.
I ask her about my dream. She shows me an image of the Makara – strongly feminine, swimming in graceful swirls and spirals through clear, deep water.
"She is feminine power. Power. Ignore any negative associations given to her – built out of fear of her power. Be with her tonight, make the sweet-oil offering, light a lamp, take her into your body. Swallow her whole."
Grandmother then shows an image of Ma. She wants me to sit with Ma, relax, be quiet, rest.
"Open your heart with the Mother," she says as she brings my awareness to my heart, which is not fully open right now.
Feeling my tiredness, I walk to Ma of the Woods – the Ma I sat with in my first week of meeting the Mother. I have not sat with her since that time. She is dry and parched, like all of the children of the forest right now. We have not seen rains in over 2 months. I make offerings and ask if I might stay awhile. She offers me one of her leaves in return. It is bitter and bites at the back of my throat.
I hold her vine and bring her with me back to my dream, back to the cave.
"Enter the cave," she instructs.
I walk through the entrance, and into the tunnel that leads toward the heart of the cave. I become nervous – I do not, physically, have offerings with me.
Sensing my fear, Ma tells me, "Go deeper into the cave tonight, once you have prepared the fire offerings. For now, return to me, stay a while and rest."
I sit with Ma of the Woods, holding her as I close my eyes and listen to the forest around me. Not fully awake, nor asleep, I enter a light dreaming as I follow and merge with the sounds around me. After a few minutes, I bring myself present, feeling somewhat renewed. I thank Ma and begin to walk.
Traveling deeper into the woods, my mind wanders to the cougar. Around the next bend, I find a bird-kill. Remnants of a small owl lay as a heap of feathers and broken bones. I gather a few feathers, and continue my walk. A short time later, remnants from a hornets’ nest rest on the path – papers with stripes of grey, brown, creamy white. The same colours as the feathers.
Later in the evening, I prepare a mixture of crystalised honey and coconut oil. Cutting some hemp string, I coat it with the mixture and then set it in the sweet-oil. Lighting it, the flame burns for a very short time and then sputters out. Perhaps not enough oil? I am uncertain. I decide to melt some of the mix into a lit candle, and make it as an offering this way. I would love to do a fire-offering outside, but with the forest being so dry, it makes no sense to take that risk.
I first offer the merits of this candle offering to a friend whose heart is hurting this night. Then I close my eyes and re-enter the cave. As I walk to the heart of the cave, I recognise it as the cave I visited when searching for a power animal at the retreat a few months ago. Excitement ignites me! Makara is the power animal!!!
I catch glimpse of a movement to my left, near one wall of the cave. Makara slips into a clear luminescent pool of fresh water that is ocean-deep. I am pre-bleed, my belly has been bloated for 2 weeks, and I am struggling to embrace its softness and fullness.
I step to the edge of the pool, dip my toes in, and then allow my body to slide into the waters. Makara watches from the depths, and once immersed, beckons me to her. She is so large, her skin like wet leather, yet as she moves, grace exudes from her. Holding onto her powerful body, she pulls me through the waters.
Makara asks me, "Why do you dislike your body? Love it, love your body as I love my body! Powerful, so many different forms of the Mother. Some might see me and think I am ugly or frightening. I love my form!!! You are me. I am Makara. Hydrate your body – Makara needs clear waters... Eat simple nourishing foods. Simple. Liquid and goodness.
Merge with me, be me. Swallow me whole, anytime. Ingest me, become me..."
I begin to open my body to invite her in, to swallow her into my being. Un-named fear escapes my insides, and I emerge from the vision before merging with her. I feel at peace, knowing she is my power-animal and guide. Representative of Ma and Dark Ma alike, Makara is taking me into the deep inner waters of my being.
I am at the mouth of a large,
white stone cave, whose surface is smoothed from waters that have flown across
its surface over hundreds or thousands of years. I am aware there is a
mythical creature within – it is perhaps 30 feet long and 12-15 feet high. Part crocodile, part serpent, it embodies pure
raw power. Golden crystallized honey lines the floor around the mouth of
the cave, and I have placed coconut oil to mix with it. Lighting the oil
and honey with the torch in my hand, I am surprised to see the flames flow
along a path on the ground into the cave. Perhaps the fire will root the creature out of the cave? I step
back from the entrance a few steps, so as not to block its possible exit.
Though I want it to emerge from the cave, I also feel vulnerable, concerned for
my safety.
I write the dream in my journal at 2:41am, and then return to sleep. At 7:30am I feel groggy and tired upon waking. Without hesitation, or morning rituals for that matter, I do some online searching to find out more about the creature of my dreams. I know that in Indian Tantric symbolism, the white crocodile relates to the second chakra. Though the crocodile of the dream is not white in colour, the cave was...
A bit of searching through Tibetan Tantric information reveals a link to a creature called a Makara, crocodile-like, though sometimes also embodying features from other animals. The head of the Makara can sometimes be found architecturally in India as a water-spout, with water emerging from its snout. In Tibetan Tantra it is often found depicted at the end of each prong of a Vajra, which is an object held in the hands while chanting, visualising and meditating.
Makara rules the deep oceans of our being, much like the Indian symbolism associated with the second chakra. This ocean represents the watery depths of the unconscious and emotions contained within, as well as the source of life and aliveness. It is full of potential – mysterious, vast, at times dangerous, and at other times awe-inspiring. If we find ourselves lost in this realm, we may be swallowed whole by this creature – eaten alive by all-consuming passions, and yet subject to immense transformation in the process of digestion (fire is related to digestion, transformation, and the inner light of awareness; "oily" is the quality of the waters of our physical body and becomes food (soma) for the fire; sugar is a combination of cooling water and earth elements, and builds all the tissues of our body, another form of soma or food).
As ruler of the oceans, Makara regulates the flow of the waters of our being – on all levels (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual). It can stop the flow of water, or release it. It is also associated with the moon and lunar cycles. As such, Makara also rules fertility, sensuality and sexuality.
~*~
It is the late afternoon. I have entered the forest. A sign greets me – Cougar spotted in the area. I think of the Makara.
I have not been here in many weeks and greet Little Ma and Forest-Edge Ma. Little Ma seems joyful. Though not any taller, she has thickened and firmed slightly from her younger, more vulnerable flesh. They are quiet, no teachings to offer. Rather, they welcome me, invite me to be with my forest friends, to restore and nourish myself.
I walk to Grandmother Tree and place offerings in the crevices of her bark. My body does not feel completely well today – there is heat behind my eyes, my muscles are sloggy as if they are not getting enough oxygen, and my heart is lightly racing. I place my hands on Grandmother and she greets me with warmth – literal warmth – that radiates to my hands and into my arms. Her base and trunk stand in the shade all day, so the heat is surprising. I feel like she is offering me healing.
I ask her about my dream. She shows me an image of the Makara – strongly feminine, swimming in graceful swirls and spirals through clear, deep water.
"She is feminine power. Power. Ignore any negative associations given to her – built out of fear of her power. Be with her tonight, make the sweet-oil offering, light a lamp, take her into your body. Swallow her whole."
Grandmother then shows an image of Ma. She wants me to sit with Ma, relax, be quiet, rest.
"Open your heart with the Mother," she says as she brings my awareness to my heart, which is not fully open right now.
Feeling my tiredness, I walk to Ma of the Woods – the Ma I sat with in my first week of meeting the Mother. I have not sat with her since that time. She is dry and parched, like all of the children of the forest right now. We have not seen rains in over 2 months. I make offerings and ask if I might stay awhile. She offers me one of her leaves in return. It is bitter and bites at the back of my throat.
I hold her vine and bring her with me back to my dream, back to the cave.
"Enter the cave," she instructs.
I walk through the entrance, and into the tunnel that leads toward the heart of the cave. I become nervous – I do not, physically, have offerings with me.
Sensing my fear, Ma tells me, "Go deeper into the cave tonight, once you have prepared the fire offerings. For now, return to me, stay a while and rest."
I sit with Ma of the Woods, holding her as I close my eyes and listen to the forest around me. Not fully awake, nor asleep, I enter a light dreaming as I follow and merge with the sounds around me. After a few minutes, I bring myself present, feeling somewhat renewed. I thank Ma and begin to walk.
Traveling deeper into the woods, my mind wanders to the cougar. Around the next bend, I find a bird-kill. Remnants of a small owl lay as a heap of feathers and broken bones. I gather a few feathers, and continue my walk. A short time later, remnants from a hornets’ nest rest on the path – papers with stripes of grey, brown, creamy white. The same colours as the feathers.
Later in the evening, I prepare a mixture of crystalised honey and coconut oil. Cutting some hemp string, I coat it with the mixture and then set it in the sweet-oil. Lighting it, the flame burns for a very short time and then sputters out. Perhaps not enough oil? I am uncertain. I decide to melt some of the mix into a lit candle, and make it as an offering this way. I would love to do a fire-offering outside, but with the forest being so dry, it makes no sense to take that risk.
I first offer the merits of this candle offering to a friend whose heart is hurting this night. Then I close my eyes and re-enter the cave. As I walk to the heart of the cave, I recognise it as the cave I visited when searching for a power animal at the retreat a few months ago. Excitement ignites me! Makara is the power animal!!!
I catch glimpse of a movement to my left, near one wall of the cave. Makara slips into a clear luminescent pool of fresh water that is ocean-deep. I am pre-bleed, my belly has been bloated for 2 weeks, and I am struggling to embrace its softness and fullness.
I step to the edge of the pool, dip my toes in, and then allow my body to slide into the waters. Makara watches from the depths, and once immersed, beckons me to her. She is so large, her skin like wet leather, yet as she moves, grace exudes from her. Holding onto her powerful body, she pulls me through the waters.
Makara asks me, "Why do you dislike your body? Love it, love your body as I love my body! Powerful, so many different forms of the Mother. Some might see me and think I am ugly or frightening. I love my form!!! You are me. I am Makara. Hydrate your body – Makara needs clear waters... Eat simple nourishing foods. Simple. Liquid and goodness.
Merge with me, be me. Swallow me whole, anytime. Ingest me, become me..."
I begin to open my body to invite her in, to swallow her into my being. Un-named fear escapes my insides, and I emerge from the vision before merging with her. I feel at peace, knowing she is my power-animal and guide. Representative of Ma and Dark Ma alike, Makara is taking me into the deep inner waters of my being.
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