June 2, 2012
The lobby of the downtown building feels cold and
uninviting, despite attempts to include greenery. A tree, known as Angel’s Trumpet (Brugmansia)
is blooming with long pinkish trumpet flowers hanging from its branches, in the
midst of an inner garden in the lobby.
Sometimes called a cousin of Dark Ma (who is also known as Devil’s
Trumpet), this plant does not share any family genetics, but does have a
similar alkaloid profile – hence their association. I try
and be “casual,” a little self-conscious as people walk from here to there
through the lobby. Standing in front of
the blossoming small tree, two feathers in hand, I am not sure how to make this
offering without calling too much attention to myself. I instinctively
know it is important to make this effort.
I stand, and in my heart, ask her to please accept this as an offering to the Dark Mother. A young man walks by, glancing at me and the feathers I hold. I pause. A woman talking on a cell phone decides to sit nearby. Another person carrying a brown paper bag sits on an adjacent bench and pulls out a sandwich to begin eating. I take a deep breath.
The young man walks by again. As soon as he passes, I quickly stick the feathers in the dirt at the base of the Brugmansia and walk away without looking back. I feel a bit deflated – wishing I was less self-conscious. Would a true Mol’farka hesitate this way?
June 2, 2012
The lobby of the college is busy this morning – people passing from one class to another. Summer session is in full-swing. One of my colleagues enters, carrying a small green pot with a plant that is perhaps 6 inches tall. Ohhhh, the Dark Mother!!!! I hug him, so deeply touched!
My work complete, I walk with the Dark Mother to the car. A small leaf falls off in the winds. I stoop to pick it up – I will bring this to Ma in the Sacred Grove! My heart is happy!
~*~
In the evening, I arrive in the grove and pay respects to the Guardians. Carefully, I place the leaf of Dark Ma under the altar to rest with the grey tuft that holds my moon bloods. The edges of my ears begin to burn.
"Chant to the Dark mother at the burning tonight. Ma, ma, ma... Call for the spirit-teacher. Now is the time to get serious – diet, inner preparations, clearing your energy. Let go of any silly drama that steals your centre. Time is short and there is much to do this summer..."
I slide over to Root Mother. Quiet, silence, more quiet. Then she speaks...
"Listen with your heart. Get quiet inside and listen from your heart."
I listen to the wind, trees, birds, myself...
"What are you here for? What are you looking for with me?"
"The deeper medicines," I reply.
"What are you willing to give?" she asks.
"Teachings, time, presence, my heart..." I say.
"What are you willing to give away? These are the deeper teachings. What are you willing to give away?"
I search through my mind. "Teachings? Everything I know," I say, not quite sure this is what she is asking from me.
"Go deeper. What are you willing to give away?"
I hesitate, uncertain if I want to speak the answer that my heart knows to be true. "Everything?"
"Stand in your centre. Everything that enters, give it away freely. Let it all flow through. Imagine standing there, at your centre, all the time, in all circumstances."
A felt-sense arose in me – a fleeting experience of being in my centre in all – ALL – life circumstances, including the most joyful, and also the most challenging, and letting it all flow through me.
"But what about my personality? What about my friendships, and my sons?" I ask. I want to enjoy them, savour them, sink into them... I am afraid that in letting them all flow through me, there would somehow be a loss of that richness. I feel her response arise before the words arise – my deeper heart understands her, my mind even understands her – something young in me is struggling to grasp this teaching...
"Be in them," she says. "Enjoy them, and imagine standing in your centre – this place, your heart – and giving it all away. None of it is yours to own anyway. Give it all away. The trees spoke to you – none of it is for you to own or accumulate or grasp or hold onto or "steal." This is the deeper medicine. Even in, especially in, challenging or confusing circumstances in your life. Open to it all, and let it all flow through – give it all away."
I pause. And then turn to Main Ma. As I connect with her, she turns my eyes to another vine on the same tree. One I have not seen before. Shape shifters... This continues to astound me – for all the times I have visited this grove, it is as if I am unable to see these different emanations of the Mother until it is time – until my heart-eyes are sufficiently opened.
I connect with this new Ma – her energy distinctly different than Main Ma, though they share the same tree companion.
"Listen my child, I will tell you a story. A story of the wind. Listen through your heart – open and listen."
I am uncertain how else to listen with my heart... So, I feel my heart, and feel for edges or boundaries I may have imposed – perhaps some that are there so habitually that I am unaware of them. I allow them to soften, dissolve, at least for these moments. As I do so, a cool wind blows through my heart space as it blows all around me. My body sways with her, pulled by her. Is it the Mother, the wind, or both? I cannot tell – as if we have become indistinguishable.
"Come fly with me, with us, with the wind this night.
And listen. Now is the time to prepare. The medicines are all around you. (A strong image of Cleavers comes to mind.) Clean your inner channels. Get serious in your preparations and studies..."
Rumi's poem also comes to mind...
I stand, and in my heart, ask her to please accept this as an offering to the Dark Mother. A young man walks by, glancing at me and the feathers I hold. I pause. A woman talking on a cell phone decides to sit nearby. Another person carrying a brown paper bag sits on an adjacent bench and pulls out a sandwich to begin eating. I take a deep breath.
The young man walks by again. As soon as he passes, I quickly stick the feathers in the dirt at the base of the Brugmansia and walk away without looking back. I feel a bit deflated – wishing I was less self-conscious. Would a true Mol’farka hesitate this way?
June 2, 2012
The lobby of the college is busy this morning – people passing from one class to another. Summer session is in full-swing. One of my colleagues enters, carrying a small green pot with a plant that is perhaps 6 inches tall. Ohhhh, the Dark Mother!!!! I hug him, so deeply touched!
My work complete, I walk with the Dark Mother to the car. A small leaf falls off in the winds. I stoop to pick it up – I will bring this to Ma in the Sacred Grove! My heart is happy!
~*~
In the evening, I arrive in the grove and pay respects to the Guardians. Carefully, I place the leaf of Dark Ma under the altar to rest with the grey tuft that holds my moon bloods. The edges of my ears begin to burn.
"Chant to the Dark mother at the burning tonight. Ma, ma, ma... Call for the spirit-teacher. Now is the time to get serious – diet, inner preparations, clearing your energy. Let go of any silly drama that steals your centre. Time is short and there is much to do this summer..."
I slide over to Root Mother. Quiet, silence, more quiet. Then she speaks...
"Listen with your heart. Get quiet inside and listen from your heart."
I listen to the wind, trees, birds, myself...
"What are you here for? What are you looking for with me?"
"The deeper medicines," I reply.
"What are you willing to give?" she asks.
"Teachings, time, presence, my heart..." I say.
"What are you willing to give away? These are the deeper teachings. What are you willing to give away?"
I search through my mind. "Teachings? Everything I know," I say, not quite sure this is what she is asking from me.
"Go deeper. What are you willing to give away?"
I hesitate, uncertain if I want to speak the answer that my heart knows to be true. "Everything?"
"Stand in your centre. Everything that enters, give it away freely. Let it all flow through. Imagine standing there, at your centre, all the time, in all circumstances."
A felt-sense arose in me – a fleeting experience of being in my centre in all – ALL – life circumstances, including the most joyful, and also the most challenging, and letting it all flow through me.
"But what about my personality? What about my friendships, and my sons?" I ask. I want to enjoy them, savour them, sink into them... I am afraid that in letting them all flow through me, there would somehow be a loss of that richness. I feel her response arise before the words arise – my deeper heart understands her, my mind even understands her – something young in me is struggling to grasp this teaching...
"Be in them," she says. "Enjoy them, and imagine standing in your centre – this place, your heart – and giving it all away. None of it is yours to own anyway. Give it all away. The trees spoke to you – none of it is for you to own or accumulate or grasp or hold onto or "steal." This is the deeper medicine. Even in, especially in, challenging or confusing circumstances in your life. Open to it all, and let it all flow through – give it all away."
I pause. And then turn to Main Ma. As I connect with her, she turns my eyes to another vine on the same tree. One I have not seen before. Shape shifters... This continues to astound me – for all the times I have visited this grove, it is as if I am unable to see these different emanations of the Mother until it is time – until my heart-eyes are sufficiently opened.
I connect with this new Ma – her energy distinctly different than Main Ma, though they share the same tree companion.
"Listen my child, I will tell you a story. A story of the wind. Listen through your heart – open and listen."
I am uncertain how else to listen with my heart... So, I feel my heart, and feel for edges or boundaries I may have imposed – perhaps some that are there so habitually that I am unaware of them. I allow them to soften, dissolve, at least for these moments. As I do so, a cool wind blows through my heart space as it blows all around me. My body sways with her, pulled by her. Is it the Mother, the wind, or both? I cannot tell – as if we have become indistinguishable.
"Come fly with me, with us, with the wind this night.
And listen. Now is the time to prepare. The medicines are all around you. (A strong image of Cleavers comes to mind.) Clean your inner channels. Get serious in your preparations and studies..."
Rumi's poem also comes to mind...
The clear bead at the centre
changes everything. There
are
no edges to my loving now.
You've heard it said there's
a window that opens from one
heart to another, but if there's
no wall, there's no need for
fitting the window, or the latch.
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