July 11th, 2012
I feel the pull of the Dark Mother this night. Spontaneously I gather items to take to a burning. Carrying them to the porch in front of the burning-pit, I look at the patio seats and table. One leaf per cushion and one leaf on the table have been perfectly arranged by Nature herself.
Words pour out of me without thought.
Dark Mother, there is a balance of dark and light
The clear heart sees this
The dark is as light
Only the distorted heart perceives darkness as poison
The clear heart knows darkness as life
Mother, may I see the balance of dark and light with a clear heart
May the distortions of my heart become food for healing myself and all beings of Nature
Dark Ma, may I consume and become your lessons
My first task is to finally wrap the gifted sage from one of my students into a bundle of obkuryuvannya. When complete, I build a small fire, and as flames burn bright, I light the smoke-herbs and repeat the dedication-words to the smoke. The moment I speak "Dark Ma," a night-moth buzzes against my ear – once, twice. I acknowledge her. Sent by Dark Ma, no doubt! Night moths are the main pollinators of Datura.
Lighting a small, dry spiraling branch of Ma, I set it in the shell I use for indoor burning. Loose fragrant sage is the next ingredient. The ashes will be saved for later use.
Offerings of Frankincense and Paulo Santo resin, gifted to me from a student, are added to the flames – a gesture of gratitude. My intestines begin to grumble, as if cleansing already.
As I complete the burning, what remains of the stick of Ma is placed in the embers of the fire. Tidying the site, I take the shell and go upstairs to my room.
Sitting before the altar, a candle lit in continuation of the fire, I dip a finger in the ash and bring it to my lips to consume a small portion. Another finger-full is painted on my forehead between my eyes for clear-seeing. A vase of water that holds a cutting of Ma sits on the altar. Dipping another finger in, I splash a few drops on face and heart. Then the remaining ash is offered to Dark Ma herself, spreading it at her base.
I immediately begin to feel light-headed, and by the time I crawl into bed, the room is almost spinning. It seems like a long and semi-wakeful night.
July 13th, 2012
2 am. I awaken suddenly to the light pitter-pat of rain on the skylight. Oh... The patio furniture cushions are still outside! With effort, I convince myself to walk downstairs, half-naked and half-asleep, to retrieve them and bring them inside. By the time I arrive at my bed once again, I feel very awake.
My mind turns to memories – I will be travelling back to my old home to visit family and friends in a few weeks, and some part of me is processing old emotions in anticipation. A scenario plays through my mind – words I need to tell myself, to hear, of empowerment and clear-heart-seeing.
I lay in bed as the soft rains continue and a display of light begins... A few rumblings in the sky... Lightning and thunder are a very rare phenomenon here, and I miss them, having spent many years in a part of the country that has numerous wonderful summer storms.
I wait and wait for sleep. I begin to feel cold, so I pull the extra blankets up to cover myself. I turn from one side to the other, hoping this might help.
As I turn to lay on my right side, I notice a light beside the bed, on the floor, distracting me with its glow, keeping me awake. I lean over to look more closely. It is a light on a switch on the floor, belonging to some apparatus put there by a friend who appears in my mind like a memory. I decide to pull the plug out of the wall-socket – hoping to plunge myself into relative darkness as the gentle play of lightning and thunder continue.
I pull the plug out of the socket, but the light does not dim. I turn to the other side. Strangely, the light on the wall-switch is off. Perhaps the power has gone off in the storm? However, the light on the floor continues to brighten the right side of the room, plugged in or not.
An apparition appears in my room, more like a memory, though not clearly formed. I suddenly awaken, not realising I had even been asleep. The extra blankets remain folded at my feet – my body is slightly chilled. The light on the wall-switch to my left has its familiar glow, and there is no light on the floor – not even a socket near my bed – to my right. The lightning and thunder continue to play.
I turn onto my back and pull the extra blankets up, realising I had been hovering in the spirit-dreaming realm. It is a very particular realm of dreaming-reality – what seems to be absolute waking reality – almost indistinguishable, except for a few small details that, at first, I do not question. The spirits are at play with me! Their play is less intense tonight than other dreams in this realm, which usually become progressively more frightening and threatening.
I momentarily think of Dark Ma, and see her plant-form in my mind's-eye. Her spiky seed pods continue to ripen. I wonder if this dreaming has anything to do with the dedication from two nights ago? As I peer at her through my mind’s eye, the larger of the two seed pods opens, and a black-gaseous-spirit begins to ooze from it.
I immediately shift my awareness and turn over again. I know Dark Ma to be Teacher, not frightening or "poisonous" unless something in me is affected or unclear. A few moments later, I realise she continues to teach me in dream-time. The triggered emotions from earlier are distortions and stickiness in my heart, leaving me susceptible to spirit-play. I finally sleep. Soundly.
I feel the pull of the Dark Mother this night. Spontaneously I gather items to take to a burning. Carrying them to the porch in front of the burning-pit, I look at the patio seats and table. One leaf per cushion and one leaf on the table have been perfectly arranged by Nature herself.
Words pour out of me without thought.
Dark Mother, there is a balance of dark and light
The clear heart sees this
The dark is as light
Only the distorted heart perceives darkness as poison
The clear heart knows darkness as life
Mother, may I see the balance of dark and light with a clear heart
May the distortions of my heart become food for healing myself and all beings of Nature
Dark Ma, may I consume and become your lessons
My first task is to finally wrap the gifted sage from one of my students into a bundle of obkuryuvannya. When complete, I build a small fire, and as flames burn bright, I light the smoke-herbs and repeat the dedication-words to the smoke. The moment I speak "Dark Ma," a night-moth buzzes against my ear – once, twice. I acknowledge her. Sent by Dark Ma, no doubt! Night moths are the main pollinators of Datura.
Lighting a small, dry spiraling branch of Ma, I set it in the shell I use for indoor burning. Loose fragrant sage is the next ingredient. The ashes will be saved for later use.
Offerings of Frankincense and Paulo Santo resin, gifted to me from a student, are added to the flames – a gesture of gratitude. My intestines begin to grumble, as if cleansing already.
As I complete the burning, what remains of the stick of Ma is placed in the embers of the fire. Tidying the site, I take the shell and go upstairs to my room.
Sitting before the altar, a candle lit in continuation of the fire, I dip a finger in the ash and bring it to my lips to consume a small portion. Another finger-full is painted on my forehead between my eyes for clear-seeing. A vase of water that holds a cutting of Ma sits on the altar. Dipping another finger in, I splash a few drops on face and heart. Then the remaining ash is offered to Dark Ma herself, spreading it at her base.
I immediately begin to feel light-headed, and by the time I crawl into bed, the room is almost spinning. It seems like a long and semi-wakeful night.
July 13th, 2012
2 am. I awaken suddenly to the light pitter-pat of rain on the skylight. Oh... The patio furniture cushions are still outside! With effort, I convince myself to walk downstairs, half-naked and half-asleep, to retrieve them and bring them inside. By the time I arrive at my bed once again, I feel very awake.
My mind turns to memories – I will be travelling back to my old home to visit family and friends in a few weeks, and some part of me is processing old emotions in anticipation. A scenario plays through my mind – words I need to tell myself, to hear, of empowerment and clear-heart-seeing.
I lay in bed as the soft rains continue and a display of light begins... A few rumblings in the sky... Lightning and thunder are a very rare phenomenon here, and I miss them, having spent many years in a part of the country that has numerous wonderful summer storms.
I wait and wait for sleep. I begin to feel cold, so I pull the extra blankets up to cover myself. I turn from one side to the other, hoping this might help.
As I turn to lay on my right side, I notice a light beside the bed, on the floor, distracting me with its glow, keeping me awake. I lean over to look more closely. It is a light on a switch on the floor, belonging to some apparatus put there by a friend who appears in my mind like a memory. I decide to pull the plug out of the wall-socket – hoping to plunge myself into relative darkness as the gentle play of lightning and thunder continue.
I pull the plug out of the socket, but the light does not dim. I turn to the other side. Strangely, the light on the wall-switch is off. Perhaps the power has gone off in the storm? However, the light on the floor continues to brighten the right side of the room, plugged in or not.
An apparition appears in my room, more like a memory, though not clearly formed. I suddenly awaken, not realising I had even been asleep. The extra blankets remain folded at my feet – my body is slightly chilled. The light on the wall-switch to my left has its familiar glow, and there is no light on the floor – not even a socket near my bed – to my right. The lightning and thunder continue to play.
I turn onto my back and pull the extra blankets up, realising I had been hovering in the spirit-dreaming realm. It is a very particular realm of dreaming-reality – what seems to be absolute waking reality – almost indistinguishable, except for a few small details that, at first, I do not question. The spirits are at play with me! Their play is less intense tonight than other dreams in this realm, which usually become progressively more frightening and threatening.
I momentarily think of Dark Ma, and see her plant-form in my mind's-eye. Her spiky seed pods continue to ripen. I wonder if this dreaming has anything to do with the dedication from two nights ago? As I peer at her through my mind’s eye, the larger of the two seed pods opens, and a black-gaseous-spirit begins to ooze from it.
I immediately shift my awareness and turn over again. I know Dark Ma to be Teacher, not frightening or "poisonous" unless something in me is affected or unclear. A few moments later, I realise she continues to teach me in dream-time. The triggered emotions from earlier are distortions and stickiness in my heart, leaving me susceptible to spirit-play. I finally sleep. Soundly.
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