Mar 2nd, 2013
It has been an intense week. Finally, last night, I slept a deep and uninterrupted sleep.
The transition is happening... The community is beginning to know that my work at the college is completing. There is a door wide open now to live and present the teachings in a completely new way.
Shifts are happening quickly. This is where I must become the deeper medicine, know my centre, and live from it.
~*~
I have walked to the Deeper Grove, having greeted many friends along the way. I feel happy, expansive, and nourished in being here.
Sitting with Heart Ma, I ask, "Who do I need to be with all of the intense personal changes?"
"Where is the little girl, your soul piece? Do you know her when she arises? Get to know her well. Take care of her. This is your job now. And live an independent life. Spend time here in the forest. Go out with friends. Make your plans."
Her instructions feel foreign. After 5 years of intensive and consuming work, I no longer remember what it is like to feel independent, or to freely make plans with friends.
A very gentle breeze begins to blow near the forest floor where I crouch with the Mother. The winds begin to pick-up with a familiar resonance. Droplets of water fall from the branches, and soundless footsteps echo through my inner being. Crow Molfar is arriving.
I bring my attention back to Heart Ma. "Is there anything I am to bring of your teachings to the students right now?"
She ignores my question.
"Your teacher is near," she says, referring to Crow Molfar.
I feel his presence. He feels "large" today.
I bring my awareness back to her.
"You must be willing to meet him face to face sometime soon," she offers.
"Yes, though you as my heart teacher – is there a heart teaching for me at this time?" Though I do not feel outwardly afraid to meet the Crow Molfar, my continual diverting of attention back to Ma tells me I actually am.
"Just be true to your heart."
I hear something fall – or climb – from a nearby tree to the forest floor. Is it him??
"Turn to face him," she says.
My voice feeling frozen in my throat, I wonder to myself, Will I be able to see him today?
"Find him with your heart," she directs. Water rains from the tree branches all around me.
I turn back to her, willfully ignoring her directive.
"But is there a heart teaching today?"
Somewhat exasperated with me, she says, "This is your job today – to simply be here, make offerings, be in presence and face him."
I hear the wings of a raven flying nearby. It lands somewhere close.
"Find him with your heart," Ma says. "You must want to find him with your heart."
I stand and wander to where I heard the “falling” sounds. The forest feels different – the trees and plants feel different – less inviting, somehow cold. In my heart I can feel I will not find him here.
I walk a little more and then turn to look at the trees and knoll that house the Deeper Grove. As I gaze, I feel welcomed, warm in my heart. I return to Heart Ma.
"Please teach me to find him with my heart," I ask.
"You must return on a day when you are ready to meet him.
When you are willing to meet him. When your heart is open to meet him.
Go and eat – you are hungry. Go and do your work. Come back tomorrow."
I somehow feel this to be a test. I sit, and affirm to her I am ready.
I hear the wind he rides, and feel him flying, gliding, just above the tree tops. He feels large again – moving stealthfully.
"He waits for no one... Yet he is here for you. He returns for you."
I call to him in my heart. “He lives in the in-between realms,” she says.
"Face me in your heart," Crow Molfar calls. And so I do.
"Where do I find you, Father?"
And then I take that back – how can I call him Father?
"You may call me Father. You know no other term for who I am to you."
I feel a simultaneous wash of sadness and yet healing through my heart, aware that there truly is no word for who he will become for me.
"How will I find you?" I feel my longing for a physical representation of him.
"You must look with different eyes. This is my next lesson to you. Look for me as you walk home."
And somehow I understand that I am to learn to see with my outer and inner eye simultaneously – as I do in ceremony, or when I am teaching or doing healing work, or when I journey. I am to open to the in-between realms and see both worlds layered as one at all times.
I walk to the nearby mound and opening where Cluster Ma lives. As I stand and look at the trees on the perimeter, four Ravens begin whoops, clicks and unusual calls as they fly continuously in large circles at high speed over head. After several minutes of this, they break themselves into pairs. Each pair sit as guardians at different locations surrounding me.
They begin to caw and call. And then one pair continues to fly. I’m sure what Crow Molfar wants me to see or perceive of him? Perhaps to recognize him in this other form?
A shadow movement catches my eye a short distance from me – as though a shadow has flown toward the forest floor in a diagonal line in front of me. At that moment, I feel the Ravens leave and then hear the call of smaller birds. It is time for me to go.
As I leave the forest, the familiar breeze blows – his wind – a reminder to see with both eyes. He will travel with me.
Mar 3rd, 2013
It is a softly grey morning, and I walk to the forest to see my friends. Rounding the corner from the road to the main path, traveling toward the fork and forest where I find Forest Ma, Little Ma, and the Counsel of Trees, shock strikes my heart and body.
The main path is an access road for emergency equipment – a short-cut through the valley – and a service road for the electrical towers. My mind tries to comprehend what I see. To my right, an arbutus tree stands. About 10-15 feet up the tree, a large limb is decimated – frayed ends splayed outward like the frayed end of a rope. Many young Red Cedars to my left are completely destroyed, along with swaths of Salaal. My heart grows very heavy as I leave offerings of tobacco and prayers of healing.
A large chopping machine had come through and "mindlessly" hacked all the plants and small trees along the edges of the road, carving a wide berth of mangled plants at varying heights.
Further along the path, I pick up branches of Cedar – to bring them home as medicine and thus honour these beautiful plants.
My pace quickens as fear strikes me. Rounding the next corner, my dear friends Forest Ma and Little Ma are untouched.
I ask Forest Ma what her needs are.
She is quiet. I stand in silence with her.
I feel a growing sadness and tightness in my throat. My face begins to flatten, as if frozen in terror. Tears begin to well in my eyes. I can sense their feelings – what they felt, rooted in place and unable to be heard in their cries as the great machine swept through the area.
I breathe with her. Then, she says, "Return, gather
the medicines, make offerings, and teach others to value the land." She
grows solemnly quiet again.
~*~
Stars fill the sky. The air is crisp and clean. I have lit a small Prayer Fire, to honour the plants of the forest, to ask for guidance in the transition, and to request visions for how to transform and offer the teachings.
Peeper frogs fill the night air with their calls, and two owls hoot, one nearby, another further away. I listen for a long time.
My heart finds peace as I stand silently next to Lifeblood Tree. She stands in silence with me and I feel my kinship to her.
As I turn to go inside, she says, "All is well."
It has been an intense week. Finally, last night, I slept a deep and uninterrupted sleep.
The transition is happening... The community is beginning to know that my work at the college is completing. There is a door wide open now to live and present the teachings in a completely new way.
Shifts are happening quickly. This is where I must become the deeper medicine, know my centre, and live from it.
~*~
I have walked to the Deeper Grove, having greeted many friends along the way. I feel happy, expansive, and nourished in being here.
Sitting with Heart Ma, I ask, "Who do I need to be with all of the intense personal changes?"
"Where is the little girl, your soul piece? Do you know her when she arises? Get to know her well. Take care of her. This is your job now. And live an independent life. Spend time here in the forest. Go out with friends. Make your plans."
Her instructions feel foreign. After 5 years of intensive and consuming work, I no longer remember what it is like to feel independent, or to freely make plans with friends.
A very gentle breeze begins to blow near the forest floor where I crouch with the Mother. The winds begin to pick-up with a familiar resonance. Droplets of water fall from the branches, and soundless footsteps echo through my inner being. Crow Molfar is arriving.
I bring my attention back to Heart Ma. "Is there anything I am to bring of your teachings to the students right now?"
She ignores my question.
"Your teacher is near," she says, referring to Crow Molfar.
I feel his presence. He feels "large" today.
I bring my awareness back to her.
"You must be willing to meet him face to face sometime soon," she offers.
"Yes, though you as my heart teacher – is there a heart teaching for me at this time?" Though I do not feel outwardly afraid to meet the Crow Molfar, my continual diverting of attention back to Ma tells me I actually am.
"Just be true to your heart."
I hear something fall – or climb – from a nearby tree to the forest floor. Is it him??
"Turn to face him," she says.
My voice feeling frozen in my throat, I wonder to myself, Will I be able to see him today?
"Find him with your heart," she directs. Water rains from the tree branches all around me.
I turn back to her, willfully ignoring her directive.
"But is there a heart teaching today?"
Somewhat exasperated with me, she says, "This is your job today – to simply be here, make offerings, be in presence and face him."
I hear the wings of a raven flying nearby. It lands somewhere close.
"Find him with your heart," Ma says. "You must want to find him with your heart."
I stand and wander to where I heard the “falling” sounds. The forest feels different – the trees and plants feel different – less inviting, somehow cold. In my heart I can feel I will not find him here.
I walk a little more and then turn to look at the trees and knoll that house the Deeper Grove. As I gaze, I feel welcomed, warm in my heart. I return to Heart Ma.
"Please teach me to find him with my heart," I ask.
"You must return on a day when you are ready to meet him.
When you are willing to meet him. When your heart is open to meet him.
Go and eat – you are hungry. Go and do your work. Come back tomorrow."
I somehow feel this to be a test. I sit, and affirm to her I am ready.
I hear the wind he rides, and feel him flying, gliding, just above the tree tops. He feels large again – moving stealthfully.
"He waits for no one... Yet he is here for you. He returns for you."
I call to him in my heart. “He lives in the in-between realms,” she says.
"Face me in your heart," Crow Molfar calls. And so I do.
"Where do I find you, Father?"
And then I take that back – how can I call him Father?
"You may call me Father. You know no other term for who I am to you."
I feel a simultaneous wash of sadness and yet healing through my heart, aware that there truly is no word for who he will become for me.
"How will I find you?" I feel my longing for a physical representation of him.
"You must look with different eyes. This is my next lesson to you. Look for me as you walk home."
And somehow I understand that I am to learn to see with my outer and inner eye simultaneously – as I do in ceremony, or when I am teaching or doing healing work, or when I journey. I am to open to the in-between realms and see both worlds layered as one at all times.
I walk to the nearby mound and opening where Cluster Ma lives. As I stand and look at the trees on the perimeter, four Ravens begin whoops, clicks and unusual calls as they fly continuously in large circles at high speed over head. After several minutes of this, they break themselves into pairs. Each pair sit as guardians at different locations surrounding me.
They begin to caw and call. And then one pair continues to fly. I’m sure what Crow Molfar wants me to see or perceive of him? Perhaps to recognize him in this other form?
A shadow movement catches my eye a short distance from me – as though a shadow has flown toward the forest floor in a diagonal line in front of me. At that moment, I feel the Ravens leave and then hear the call of smaller birds. It is time for me to go.
As I leave the forest, the familiar breeze blows – his wind – a reminder to see with both eyes. He will travel with me.
Mar 3rd, 2013
It is a softly grey morning, and I walk to the forest to see my friends. Rounding the corner from the road to the main path, traveling toward the fork and forest where I find Forest Ma, Little Ma, and the Counsel of Trees, shock strikes my heart and body.
The main path is an access road for emergency equipment – a short-cut through the valley – and a service road for the electrical towers. My mind tries to comprehend what I see. To my right, an arbutus tree stands. About 10-15 feet up the tree, a large limb is decimated – frayed ends splayed outward like the frayed end of a rope. Many young Red Cedars to my left are completely destroyed, along with swaths of Salaal. My heart grows very heavy as I leave offerings of tobacco and prayers of healing.
A large chopping machine had come through and "mindlessly" hacked all the plants and small trees along the edges of the road, carving a wide berth of mangled plants at varying heights.
Further along the path, I pick up branches of Cedar – to bring them home as medicine and thus honour these beautiful plants.
My pace quickens as fear strikes me. Rounding the next corner, my dear friends Forest Ma and Little Ma are untouched.
I ask Forest Ma what her needs are.
She is quiet. I stand in silence with her.
I feel a growing sadness and tightness in my throat. My face begins to flatten, as if frozen in terror. Tears begin to well in my eyes. I can sense their feelings – what they felt, rooted in place and unable to be heard in their cries as the great machine swept through the area.
I breathe with her. Then, she says, "Return, gather
the medicines, make offerings, and teach others to value the land." She
grows solemnly quiet again.~*~
Stars fill the sky. The air is crisp and clean. I have lit a small Prayer Fire, to honour the plants of the forest, to ask for guidance in the transition, and to request visions for how to transform and offer the teachings.
Peeper frogs fill the night air with their calls, and two owls hoot, one nearby, another further away. I listen for a long time.
My heart finds peace as I stand silently next to Lifeblood Tree. She stands in silence with me and I feel my kinship to her.
As I turn to go inside, she says, "All is well."
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