June 14th, 2012
I feel like my day was spent as the past 8 weeks have been spent – attending to everything else, and not attending to my apprenticeship. I am not in the Sacred Grove as I had hoped, but with Young Mother on the property, next to the laneway. A "second-best" choice given how late it is.
Words of Byron Katie float through my mind... There is nothing that is not perfect as it is.
There are sticky places in my heart. As experiences arise, some get stuck as they attempt passage through my heart. I feel like the bee that came to suck honey and got her feet stuck in it...
I feel some of the stickiness… I want approval. I want to be heard, fully, for who I am.
Ma speaks up. "You want to be seen."
I pause. Yes, she is right… "What do I do with this?"
Ma replies, "See yourself fully as you are. Where you are stuck, where you are open, all of you. You do not need to seek being seen outside of yourself. It is not any Other's job. See yourself fully, and then you will be seen."
"I feel like I am slow (too slow) with this lesson."
"It will take the time it takes. The players are all doing their job, perfectly. All of the experiences that arise simply frame the clear passage, and point to where there is stickiness.
Bow in gratitude to all the players. Deeply. They will continue to do their job until you no longer need the lesson. Step back from the entanglement with the story and have gratitude for their role playing."
She then began to twine into my heart, wrapping herself within and blossoming.
"Are there any other preparations I need to be making?"
"Live the medicine," she replies.
"What about learning how to decipher the surface medicines?"
"Do you really want to know that?" she asks to my heart, not my mind, cutting through another sticky attachment.
"No… No, you are right. It is the deeper medicines I actually long for," I reply.
"You already have a sense of the medicines. Think back to when you were tending the yard today. Hawthorn spoke to you when your heart was hurting – she heals more than the physical heart. She heals the emotional heart as well. The pines and firs whispered to get to know them – identify them for teas and other uses.” She pauses. “Do your burning tonight. This is enough for now."
"Dark Ma – when do I work with her?"
"When it is time," she says, curtly.
"Thank you Mother."
I feel like my day was spent as the past 8 weeks have been spent – attending to everything else, and not attending to my apprenticeship. I am not in the Sacred Grove as I had hoped, but with Young Mother on the property, next to the laneway. A "second-best" choice given how late it is.
Words of Byron Katie float through my mind... There is nothing that is not perfect as it is.
There are sticky places in my heart. As experiences arise, some get stuck as they attempt passage through my heart. I feel like the bee that came to suck honey and got her feet stuck in it...
I feel some of the stickiness… I want approval. I want to be heard, fully, for who I am.
Ma speaks up. "You want to be seen."
I pause. Yes, she is right… "What do I do with this?"
Ma replies, "See yourself fully as you are. Where you are stuck, where you are open, all of you. You do not need to seek being seen outside of yourself. It is not any Other's job. See yourself fully, and then you will be seen."
"I feel like I am slow (too slow) with this lesson."
"It will take the time it takes. The players are all doing their job, perfectly. All of the experiences that arise simply frame the clear passage, and point to where there is stickiness.
Bow in gratitude to all the players. Deeply. They will continue to do their job until you no longer need the lesson. Step back from the entanglement with the story and have gratitude for their role playing."
She then began to twine into my heart, wrapping herself within and blossoming.
"Are there any other preparations I need to be making?"
"Live the medicine," she replies.
"What about learning how to decipher the surface medicines?"
"Do you really want to know that?" she asks to my heart, not my mind, cutting through another sticky attachment.
"No… No, you are right. It is the deeper medicines I actually long for," I reply.
"You already have a sense of the medicines. Think back to when you were tending the yard today. Hawthorn spoke to you when your heart was hurting – she heals more than the physical heart. She heals the emotional heart as well. The pines and firs whispered to get to know them – identify them for teas and other uses.” She pauses. “Do your burning tonight. This is enough for now."
"Dark Ma – when do I work with her?"
"When it is time," she says, curtly.
"Thank you Mother."
"Do not thank me – go do your work."
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