July 1st, 2012
The roadside walk to the park is constantly punctuated by cars carrying people to their “holiday” outing. The park itself is bustling with people. Regardless, this walk is without an agenda, and simply feels good, despite the traffic. The hills are intense, and my body appreciates the vigorous work. Two and a half hours later, I come home to repot Dark Ma.
In the evening I decide a dedication-burning is needed. I gather resins and herbs and by 9:30pm I am placing twigs and wood into the pit, and chanting as I light the fire:
Pausing as the flames grow in warmth and height, I take a breath. I need to invite my teachers. And with that, I begin to call Ma for a while. “Dedicate the energy you generate here to other people in your life, and then to general world healing,” she says.
My mind grows remarkably quiet… Words drop away. In fact, words or thoughts seem superficial. All I find is my heart. In a wordless flow of feeling, I place apprenticeship centre. For all of my struggles and resistance, it is suddenly simple – to dedicate myself to the path of clear-heart-seeing, the teachings of both Ma and Dark Ma, and preparations for the teacher to come.
Near the end of the burning, I feel, and then see, spirit-forms hovering on the edge of the fire pit and behind me. I do not know who or what they are, though I feel ease in their presence.
With little red glowing embers remaining in the pit, I reach into my pocket and remove two antique iron nails (finally!). Walking to a tree near the pathway, I feel somewhat self-conscious peeing outside on the property. If I were camping, all would seem more natural. Strange, the constructs I have created about behaviour... The moon shines through hazy clouds, making a streak of light on the path in front of me. I stand, step into the ray of moonlight, and know the dedication is complete.
When I enter the house, I look at the clock – 11pm. What happened to the time? That felt no more than 45 minutes – yet twice that amount of time has passed! Time-shifting.
July 2nd, 2012
Rounding the corner through the first path of the forest, I look up-hill to the summit, near the electrical towers.... Oh, a ‘perch’ in the open air! A beautiful view of the hills and valleys! Feeling at peace – no burning questions in my heart – I choose to continue to walk. I will return, I silently promise.
As I approach the fork, a feather is gifted to me. I carry it in my hand as I walk a simple loop through the forest to the meadow and then back-track up to the summit. A walk of enjoyment!
The sun is gentle. I find a rocky outcrop next to scruffy bush and field grasses and sit. A light breeze wafts up the cliff-side to my perch, carrying moist air from the ocean waters below. My mind turns to last night’s fire. All the work with Ma so far has simply been to get to this place, this choice, this dedication.
I attempt to contact Dark Ma in my heart. In my inner-eye, I am brought to a vine of Ma whose tendrils extend to where I am sitting now. The message: just be present.
I open my eyes. A lovely patch of yarrow waves in the breeze adjacent to one of the nearby rocks. I extend a question from my heart: is there anyone who would be willing to come home with me as medicine? Two flower clusters wave a little more vigorously. I walk to the first who has called me, and as I attempt to pluck her, she resists.
I have been wild-crafting most of my adult life – I know that when a plant resists, I have either not listened to her answer of "no" or I have in some way not taken her properly. I usually offer a blessing and gratitude when I pick a plant. Already having broken her stem, I use two hands to pluck her, and then offer some smoke from the obkuryuvannya with an apology.
The next yarrow who had called me was still beckoning. I bring the smoke close to her, let the wisps envelope her flowers for a moment, and then say “Thank you, and blessings.” As I grasp her flower-head, she comes off her stem with ease. I place both of the gathered plants in a small satchel, and, feeling encouraged, I wander to a third cluster some distance away, offering smoke and prayers. Again, she resists. I pause for a moment, respectfully leave her, and turn to a fourth cluster. Smoke, prayer… And then feel gratitude. She releases from her stem with ease.
They are teaching me to be more exact and refined in my gathering now.
I walk toward a different hill on the summit. As I approach the top, another gathering of yarrow plants comes into view. Stepping a bit closer, I am struck by an intense energy as one particular yarrow plant, near the centre of the patch, draws my attention strongly.
My head feels very expansive as I walk closer to her. I squat next to her, extend the obkuryuvannya and watch the smoke curl around her. Without any instruction, I know I am not to pick her. She wants to communicate and connect, not to make sacrifice of herself. I reach out to touch her and gently cradle the flowers in my hand.
Her language is unspoken. I wait silently. A sensation in my heart and throat arises. Actually, it is more like she draws my awareness to the sensation. There is a slight tightness – like the kind one feels when one is sad and wanting to cry but holding back tears. As I become aware of the feeling, I am surprised. Is this always with me and I am just "blind" to it? As the thought arises, the sensation dissipates, and I begin to immediately feel a heat in my temples, and in areas of my face. And then I suddenly feel an urge, like I am about to have diarrhea. It is in that moment that another thought arises – she is showing me her medicines! Heart and throat tightness with sadness, heat in my head, bowel urges… The cycle of sensation repeats itself a few times.
I stand and give great thanks to her, and walk back down to the hill-path. I know I will pass by Ma at the edge of the forest. When I arrive, I pause to connect with her. Feeling open, and yet without any burning questions, I ask if she has any directions or teachings.
She amplifies the spacious feeling within me. "Go home, enjoy the peace inside. Your only task right now is to live the teachings, the choice, and enjoy the peace. Soon enough, more questions will come."
The walk home is slow. Every hill and turn brings quiet beauty.
Arriving home, I look for yarrow in my herbal books. I know to use yarrow for fevers, bleeding, and divinatory uses. I am delighted to find out she is also used for gastro-intestinal issues, including diarrhea. There is also a reference to being used to dispel melancholy.
A memory from many years ago plays through my mind…
I turn to look out the window to the Ma and Dark Ma who live on my balcony, and beyond that, to the trees who surround my home. I used to think the essence of the plant was in their surface medicine. The plants have always been communicating, their essence so much deeper than that – I am only now beginning to listen and hear…
The roadside walk to the park is constantly punctuated by cars carrying people to their “holiday” outing. The park itself is bustling with people. Regardless, this walk is without an agenda, and simply feels good, despite the traffic. The hills are intense, and my body appreciates the vigorous work. Two and a half hours later, I come home to repot Dark Ma.
In the evening I decide a dedication-burning is needed. I gather resins and herbs and by 9:30pm I am placing twigs and wood into the pit, and chanting as I light the fire:
Ohm Asatoma Sat Gamaya
Tamasoma Jyotir Gamaya
Mrityorma Amrittam Gamaya
Ohm Shantih Shantih Shantih
[May we be led from unreality to
reality.
May we be guided through darkness
to inner light.
May we be brought from poison to
the nectar of life.
Ohm peace, peace, forever peace.]
Pausing as the flames grow in warmth and height, I take a breath. I need to invite my teachers. And with that, I begin to call Ma for a while. “Dedicate the energy you generate here to other people in your life, and then to general world healing,” she says.
My mind grows remarkably quiet… Words drop away. In fact, words or thoughts seem superficial. All I find is my heart. In a wordless flow of feeling, I place apprenticeship centre. For all of my struggles and resistance, it is suddenly simple – to dedicate myself to the path of clear-heart-seeing, the teachings of both Ma and Dark Ma, and preparations for the teacher to come.
Near the end of the burning, I feel, and then see, spirit-forms hovering on the edge of the fire pit and behind me. I do not know who or what they are, though I feel ease in their presence.
With little red glowing embers remaining in the pit, I reach into my pocket and remove two antique iron nails (finally!). Walking to a tree near the pathway, I feel somewhat self-conscious peeing outside on the property. If I were camping, all would seem more natural. Strange, the constructs I have created about behaviour... The moon shines through hazy clouds, making a streak of light on the path in front of me. I stand, step into the ray of moonlight, and know the dedication is complete.
When I enter the house, I look at the clock – 11pm. What happened to the time? That felt no more than 45 minutes – yet twice that amount of time has passed! Time-shifting.
July 2nd, 2012
Rounding the corner through the first path of the forest, I look up-hill to the summit, near the electrical towers.... Oh, a ‘perch’ in the open air! A beautiful view of the hills and valleys! Feeling at peace – no burning questions in my heart – I choose to continue to walk. I will return, I silently promise.
As I approach the fork, a feather is gifted to me. I carry it in my hand as I walk a simple loop through the forest to the meadow and then back-track up to the summit. A walk of enjoyment!
The sun is gentle. I find a rocky outcrop next to scruffy bush and field grasses and sit. A light breeze wafts up the cliff-side to my perch, carrying moist air from the ocean waters below. My mind turns to last night’s fire. All the work with Ma so far has simply been to get to this place, this choice, this dedication.
I attempt to contact Dark Ma in my heart. In my inner-eye, I am brought to a vine of Ma whose tendrils extend to where I am sitting now. The message: just be present.
I open my eyes. A lovely patch of yarrow waves in the breeze adjacent to one of the nearby rocks. I extend a question from my heart: is there anyone who would be willing to come home with me as medicine? Two flower clusters wave a little more vigorously. I walk to the first who has called me, and as I attempt to pluck her, she resists.
I have been wild-crafting most of my adult life – I know that when a plant resists, I have either not listened to her answer of "no" or I have in some way not taken her properly. I usually offer a blessing and gratitude when I pick a plant. Already having broken her stem, I use two hands to pluck her, and then offer some smoke from the obkuryuvannya with an apology.
The next yarrow who had called me was still beckoning. I bring the smoke close to her, let the wisps envelope her flowers for a moment, and then say “Thank you, and blessings.” As I grasp her flower-head, she comes off her stem with ease. I place both of the gathered plants in a small satchel, and, feeling encouraged, I wander to a third cluster some distance away, offering smoke and prayers. Again, she resists. I pause for a moment, respectfully leave her, and turn to a fourth cluster. Smoke, prayer… And then feel gratitude. She releases from her stem with ease.
They are teaching me to be more exact and refined in my gathering now.
I walk toward a different hill on the summit. As I approach the top, another gathering of yarrow plants comes into view. Stepping a bit closer, I am struck by an intense energy as one particular yarrow plant, near the centre of the patch, draws my attention strongly.
My head feels very expansive as I walk closer to her. I squat next to her, extend the obkuryuvannya and watch the smoke curl around her. Without any instruction, I know I am not to pick her. She wants to communicate and connect, not to make sacrifice of herself. I reach out to touch her and gently cradle the flowers in my hand.
Her language is unspoken. I wait silently. A sensation in my heart and throat arises. Actually, it is more like she draws my awareness to the sensation. There is a slight tightness – like the kind one feels when one is sad and wanting to cry but holding back tears. As I become aware of the feeling, I am surprised. Is this always with me and I am just "blind" to it? As the thought arises, the sensation dissipates, and I begin to immediately feel a heat in my temples, and in areas of my face. And then I suddenly feel an urge, like I am about to have diarrhea. It is in that moment that another thought arises – she is showing me her medicines! Heart and throat tightness with sadness, heat in my head, bowel urges… The cycle of sensation repeats itself a few times.
I stand and give great thanks to her, and walk back down to the hill-path. I know I will pass by Ma at the edge of the forest. When I arrive, I pause to connect with her. Feeling open, and yet without any burning questions, I ask if she has any directions or teachings.
She amplifies the spacious feeling within me. "Go home, enjoy the peace inside. Your only task right now is to live the teachings, the choice, and enjoy the peace. Soon enough, more questions will come."
The walk home is slow. Every hill and turn brings quiet beauty.
Arriving home, I look for yarrow in my herbal books. I know to use yarrow for fevers, bleeding, and divinatory uses. I am delighted to find out she is also used for gastro-intestinal issues, including diarrhea. There is also a reference to being used to dispel melancholy.
A memory from many years ago plays through my mind…
I had been walking on the back
hill of the property I was living at, gathering wild-medicines...
I sat down in the midst of plants
I was very familiar with – my friends. I closed my eyes, and was
surprised that I could still see everything clearly, as if it was in black and
white (more like browns and white). Called by one plant in particular, I
sat quietly and felt her melting or merging into me, and me into her. I
had a deep awareness in my heart – that if I truly allowed myself to fully
commune with any plant or being (rock, person, etc), the essence of that thing would reveal itself (as my essence would also
be revealed) and in that moment I would also become aware of its healing
potential and properties. At the time I wrote: Though I have yet to
have this full “merger,” I do feel that the more I spend time with plants, the
more familiar their energies become to me and truths will be revealed about
their nature.
I turn to look out the window to the Ma and Dark Ma who live on my balcony, and beyond that, to the trees who surround my home. I used to think the essence of the plant was in their surface medicine. The plants have always been communicating, their essence so much deeper than that – I am only now beginning to listen and hear…
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