Nov. 22, 2016
Two days ago I went on a Medicine Walk. I entered the forest from the Prayer Tie Tree, and walked the back paths so as not to be seen. I immediately fell into an ongoing conversation with the Great Mother. As I walked I found my way toward the lower paths that take me to the Mother Teacher, and emanation of Ma. My intention was to find bones to be used as in my medicine work making amulets and talismans for healing. I found a collar bone of what looked like Owl, I then walked to Ma, and left offerings of respect - it had been so long since I had last visited her. Too long -- I knew this.
Child, she said, you are guide, teacher, healer, shamanka [female shaman in Slavic traditions]. You need to show up. Show up and spend time with me, with the forest, so that your heart can open more fully.
I felt my body and heart -- they were tense, in part from supporting a client client earlier in the morning who is experiencing some intense challenges in her life right now, and in part from my own protective stance on/ for the land. No wonder the trees and land are holding their breath, as the Medicine-Elder had pointed out... Because I am not open, relaxed and in my power. I am reacting rather than being responsive or initiatory.
As I opened, breathed and walked I could sense the land. It is reacting as someone who has been violated -- who I am to be for the land is protector and representative of what it is to heal. I am to represent the inner and outer stance to take -- to not abandon the self, to not step-down from what is called for in order to heal, to stand up to those who would continue to rape the land, to hold boundaries and clarity...
As I continued my walk, I knew I wanted to find the Forest Graveyard where I had once found many skeletons -- of raccoon and deer, and other animals I could not identify. As I searched I came across a few emanations of Ma. They were unhappy with me.
Where have you been??! You must come more often. Open and be present!
I found a large Ma, twisted and lovely -- donning a prayer feather I had placed on her a year earlier. I continued to search for the graveyard and felt with each step as my body came into relaxed aliveness. "Ahhhh, yes, this is what it feels like to be open!" I squatted near Twisted Ma, for a few moments, feeling the aliveness as it poured into all my tissues and organs. It was tempting to do something with that energy... And then I realized it was best to retain the energy, allow it to suffuse me. And as I made this decision, suddenly more emanations of Ma made their presence known -- ones I had not seen before.
Soon I saw a vertebra on the path, and knew I was close. I wandered a bit further, and finally found the Forest Graveyard. I left offerings and took a few small bones. I then began to walk a deer trail I had not taken before, and saw something extraordinary.
I caught my breath for a moment, for before me was the largest, thickest and oldest Ma I have yet to encounter in all my time apprenticing with her. I carefully approached and made offerings, fully expecting to have something important unfold.
Return another time, child. Now is not the time for more lessons.
I was a bit disappointed, but also knew not to question her. One cannot force the Teachings.
As I walked I kept encountering emanations of Ma -- after a year and a half walking this forest and these lands, why had I not encountered her here before in this way? I knew this was a pivotal Medicine Walk indeed.
As I left the shelter of the forest, the rains began. Ma's directives are always timely.
Dec. 6, 2016
The past few days, the trees keep affirming: You need to pray. Everything you do, say and be must be prayer. It is your medicine right now. Trust us, you must become the prayer.
My morning prayer offerings at the ovoo have been for the healing of this land and all its inhabitants. I have made prayer for the owner and people of this place...
May he be happy
May he be well
May he be safe
May he be at peace
May all those who work and live on this land, May they be happy
May they be well
May they be safe
May they be at peace
And I pray that someone who truly respects and loves the land will come and make it possible for the land to heal, and that the inhabitants who belong to the land may remain to help steward it. And that those who do not respect the land may move on and find healing elsewhere.
I know though, that my work my work must deepen. I know I am not in the forests, with Ma, nearly often enough. Not as they have counseled me to be. And I know that something in the background wears away at me -- some knowing I am not willing to admit right now.
We have been invited to sit with the medicine of Peyote and a visiting Marakame. I decided to ask Prayer Tree yesterday for her thoughts on this, before I said yes or no to the medicine. Her response was swift and firm.
No, the medicine is not for you at this time. Do not question me -- trust instead. Pray, take care of yourself. Walk these hills twice a day -- it will clear your mind, body and heart.
Last night, in dreamtime, the Marakame came to me and spoke through his translator. His message was simple. "You are welcome to sit in circle, but you are not to take the medicine at this time. And, you need to become vegetarian once again."
Jan 31, 2017
We shift again. Off this land. We leave and I know we leave imprints of prayer here, love and care on the land. The energies have shifted and it is time for us to be called to our medicine work elsewhere.
My husband had been called to a farm-meeting on Dec 15th, where he was told "it's not working out." He offered to leave, and everything was, apparently, relaxed and clear about timing and logistics. By the next morning we were issued an email with inflammatory and incorrect comments and information. We responded with corrections, and completed the interaction with a gesture of acknowledgement -- whatever the owner may try to do, we would always be grateful to him for our time here on this land.
Feb 4, 2017
Our yurt! Our animals! The plants and crops! He has locked us off the land... Threatened trespassing if we return.
Feb 18, 2017
What an amazingly stressful, difficult and bizarre turn of events. We have discovered that he has done this to others before. He tells us we can have access, and then pulls that access away... Our yurt now stands open to the elements, rain and snow, while he plays power games. Mother, what am I to understand of this all?
We have, at least, found a new place to eventually land, when the snows recede and we can have access to it. Our new home will be in trees and bluffs and marsh, and bog and field.
I must learn from what I did not last time. From the beginning of our time on the previous land, I had a knowing that all was not right. We did not heed the signs from the land, from our dreams, and from my own inner knowing -- that all was not right with him. And while the prayer work was powerful, I did not make enough time for my work. And now we fight for the right to obtain our home and belongings, animals and plants. I must remember what I counsel apprentices and students on this path -- contracts with Spirit are not to be taken lightly. Heed the words of the Teacher, or risk the Shadow Teachings.
I make a plea to Ma and Dark Ma -- to please help right was is wrong. I ask that where the owner is out of integrity, where he is lying or being manipulative, may Ma bind herself around him, and may Dark Ma reflect/turn his shadows back on him. I know I am dabbling with the sorcery I have encountered. And I know I am also asking that justice and righteousness be served. I also know that where there are any transgressions in myself, the medicine will turn back on me. And, conscious of all these things, I employ these tools.
April 2, 2017
Finally, after months living by the grace of good friends and comfortable couches, we complete our move. My husband was denied access to the land in an attempt to prevent or stall the move. I ask for the help of friends, and even friends of friends. Many turn up to work hard in the day and a half it takes to remove our things. One woman who has never met us donates monies to help pay for the moving truck. My parents are here on their spring visit, helping. Our goat has birthed a lovely kid, now 4 weeks old. We are only able to catch half of our ducks.
We learn that a Wild Bird Care Centre has bought the land and the owner will be moving off in a few months. We at least breathe easier knowing the land will be honoured and cared for, and our prayer-work was heard. The land will be protected.
I feel such deep gratitude... Gratitude to those who came to our aid. Gratitude to Spirit for protecting the land. Gratitude that this chapter is now closing. And Gratitude to Ma and Dark Ma for their Teachings.
Two days ago I went on a Medicine Walk. I entered the forest from the Prayer Tie Tree, and walked the back paths so as not to be seen. I immediately fell into an ongoing conversation with the Great Mother. As I walked I found my way toward the lower paths that take me to the Mother Teacher, and emanation of Ma. My intention was to find bones to be used as in my medicine work making amulets and talismans for healing. I found a collar bone of what looked like Owl, I then walked to Ma, and left offerings of respect - it had been so long since I had last visited her. Too long -- I knew this.
Child, she said, you are guide, teacher, healer, shamanka [female shaman in Slavic traditions]. You need to show up. Show up and spend time with me, with the forest, so that your heart can open more fully.
I felt my body and heart -- they were tense, in part from supporting a client client earlier in the morning who is experiencing some intense challenges in her life right now, and in part from my own protective stance on/ for the land. No wonder the trees and land are holding their breath, as the Medicine-Elder had pointed out... Because I am not open, relaxed and in my power. I am reacting rather than being responsive or initiatory.
As I opened, breathed and walked I could sense the land. It is reacting as someone who has been violated -- who I am to be for the land is protector and representative of what it is to heal. I am to represent the inner and outer stance to take -- to not abandon the self, to not step-down from what is called for in order to heal, to stand up to those who would continue to rape the land, to hold boundaries and clarity...
As I continued my walk, I knew I wanted to find the Forest Graveyard where I had once found many skeletons -- of raccoon and deer, and other animals I could not identify. As I searched I came across a few emanations of Ma. They were unhappy with me.
Where have you been??! You must come more often. Open and be present!
I found a large Ma, twisted and lovely -- donning a prayer feather I had placed on her a year earlier. I continued to search for the graveyard and felt with each step as my body came into relaxed aliveness. "Ahhhh, yes, this is what it feels like to be open!" I squatted near Twisted Ma, for a few moments, feeling the aliveness as it poured into all my tissues and organs. It was tempting to do something with that energy... And then I realized it was best to retain the energy, allow it to suffuse me. And as I made this decision, suddenly more emanations of Ma made their presence known -- ones I had not seen before.
Soon I saw a vertebra on the path, and knew I was close. I wandered a bit further, and finally found the Forest Graveyard. I left offerings and took a few small bones. I then began to walk a deer trail I had not taken before, and saw something extraordinary.
I caught my breath for a moment, for before me was the largest, thickest and oldest Ma I have yet to encounter in all my time apprenticing with her. I carefully approached and made offerings, fully expecting to have something important unfold.
Return another time, child. Now is not the time for more lessons.
I was a bit disappointed, but also knew not to question her. One cannot force the Teachings.
As I walked I kept encountering emanations of Ma -- after a year and a half walking this forest and these lands, why had I not encountered her here before in this way? I knew this was a pivotal Medicine Walk indeed.
As I left the shelter of the forest, the rains began. Ma's directives are always timely.
Dec. 6, 2016
The past few days, the trees keep affirming: You need to pray. Everything you do, say and be must be prayer. It is your medicine right now. Trust us, you must become the prayer.
My morning prayer offerings at the ovoo have been for the healing of this land and all its inhabitants. I have made prayer for the owner and people of this place...
May he be happy
May he be well
May he be safe
May he be at peace
May all those who work and live on this land, May they be happy
May they be well
May they be safe
May they be at peace
And I pray that someone who truly respects and loves the land will come and make it possible for the land to heal, and that the inhabitants who belong to the land may remain to help steward it. And that those who do not respect the land may move on and find healing elsewhere.
I know though, that my work my work must deepen. I know I am not in the forests, with Ma, nearly often enough. Not as they have counseled me to be. And I know that something in the background wears away at me -- some knowing I am not willing to admit right now.
We have been invited to sit with the medicine of Peyote and a visiting Marakame. I decided to ask Prayer Tree yesterday for her thoughts on this, before I said yes or no to the medicine. Her response was swift and firm.
No, the medicine is not for you at this time. Do not question me -- trust instead. Pray, take care of yourself. Walk these hills twice a day -- it will clear your mind, body and heart.
Last night, in dreamtime, the Marakame came to me and spoke through his translator. His message was simple. "You are welcome to sit in circle, but you are not to take the medicine at this time. And, you need to become vegetarian once again."
Jan 31, 2017
We shift again. Off this land. We leave and I know we leave imprints of prayer here, love and care on the land. The energies have shifted and it is time for us to be called to our medicine work elsewhere.
My husband had been called to a farm-meeting on Dec 15th, where he was told "it's not working out." He offered to leave, and everything was, apparently, relaxed and clear about timing and logistics. By the next morning we were issued an email with inflammatory and incorrect comments and information. We responded with corrections, and completed the interaction with a gesture of acknowledgement -- whatever the owner may try to do, we would always be grateful to him for our time here on this land.
Feb 4, 2017
Our yurt! Our animals! The plants and crops! He has locked us off the land... Threatened trespassing if we return.
Feb 18, 2017
What an amazingly stressful, difficult and bizarre turn of events. We have discovered that he has done this to others before. He tells us we can have access, and then pulls that access away... Our yurt now stands open to the elements, rain and snow, while he plays power games. Mother, what am I to understand of this all?
We have, at least, found a new place to eventually land, when the snows recede and we can have access to it. Our new home will be in trees and bluffs and marsh, and bog and field.
I must learn from what I did not last time. From the beginning of our time on the previous land, I had a knowing that all was not right. We did not heed the signs from the land, from our dreams, and from my own inner knowing -- that all was not right with him. And while the prayer work was powerful, I did not make enough time for my work. And now we fight for the right to obtain our home and belongings, animals and plants. I must remember what I counsel apprentices and students on this path -- contracts with Spirit are not to be taken lightly. Heed the words of the Teacher, or risk the Shadow Teachings.
I make a plea to Ma and Dark Ma -- to please help right was is wrong. I ask that where the owner is out of integrity, where he is lying or being manipulative, may Ma bind herself around him, and may Dark Ma reflect/turn his shadows back on him. I know I am dabbling with the sorcery I have encountered. And I know I am also asking that justice and righteousness be served. I also know that where there are any transgressions in myself, the medicine will turn back on me. And, conscious of all these things, I employ these tools.
April 2, 2017
Finally, after months living by the grace of good friends and comfortable couches, we complete our move. My husband was denied access to the land in an attempt to prevent or stall the move. I ask for the help of friends, and even friends of friends. Many turn up to work hard in the day and a half it takes to remove our things. One woman who has never met us donates monies to help pay for the moving truck. My parents are here on their spring visit, helping. Our goat has birthed a lovely kid, now 4 weeks old. We are only able to catch half of our ducks.
We learn that a Wild Bird Care Centre has bought the land and the owner will be moving off in a few months. We at least breathe easier knowing the land will be honoured and cared for, and our prayer-work was heard. The land will be protected.
I feel such deep gratitude... Gratitude to those who came to our aid. Gratitude to Spirit for protecting the land. Gratitude that this chapter is now closing. And Gratitude to Ma and Dark Ma for their Teachings.
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