July 8th, 2012
Ravens caw and bark from the surrounding trees at the Sacred Grove – protectors while I am here with Ma. They treat me as one of their tribe– watching out for me, letting me know when anything or anyone approaches.
Moon waters are slowly rising in me this week. I sweat each night, and my belly swells in anticipation of the red waters flowing. I know that some of my emotional responses in life right now are a result of the rising tides.
I bring a vision to Guardian... Me, at 65. How I look, where I live, what I am doing. The first time this vision of my 65 year old self arose was sometime last year. The visions are intensifying, and I know I am dreaming her into my reality now.
"Your vision will come sooner than 65," Ma says.
I switch topics, though also know that it is somehow related. "I feel anxious with all of the current work projects. There is already so much to do, and so little time to do the things that truly feed me."
Ma asks, "If you drop out now, how will students know who you are or where to find you?"
I reply, "They will find me because I've done my personal work?”
"Then that's what this time is about – doing your work. Do your work then," she replies, as if it should be a simple matter.
Circumstances, people, and stories begin to swirl through my mind and heart. Ma responds, "Living with a clear and open heart means speaking truths simply and clearly."
"But what if emotions come?" I ask, thinking of the personally challenging mixture of speaking truths and having emotional responses arise in matters of business. And then I feel the overwhelm of all the added responsibilities and tasks, and I know I will be awash in emotions at work.
"Let them flow through without getting stuck," Ma replies.
"That just seems counter to my nature." I feel my longing for simplicity coupled with depth, and wish it could all be easier. "Never compromise your heart or nature," she says firmly. "Your ‘nature’ is different from what your ‘training’ as a human has been, and that training has not served you. Who said business matters cannot include emotions if they arise within and from the clear heart? Now, sit down and listen deeply to your nature. Act and make decisions from there."
Immediately, Main Ma calls me to her. “Come, child, speak your heart.” I let my feelings flow – sad, stuck and overwhelm.
"Look up.” My eyes turn toward her upper branches some 15-20 feet away. “Many branches, one path can apply to work as well. You do not need to do it all yourself. Give it all away. Be the heart – an open channel to let it all flow through. Be the heart – one task. Give the rest away. You can be a "heart" for this work but you do not need to grip around it and take it all on yourself – it can flow through you. Be at ease. In all areas of your life, in all roles, be the heart and my teachings."
I stand for a moment in the simple and profound truth of her statement. Offering gratitude, I walk to Storyteller. Extending my hand to touch her, a delicious summer breeze begins to blow. My eyes close, and I sense the winds flowing through she and I as colours – life passing through and around us until we are all indistinguishable – wind, vine, myself. Something in my mind shifts for a moment. "What about the teachings of the roots?" I ask, aware that I am only hearing the story of the wind and branches and leaves.
"It is not time yet. Roots are a different story for a different season. Your lessons right now are branches and wind.
Your story. Live the teachings – it is your story. Become the colours of the wind."
I watch and feel life pass through, pass by – days, years, eternity, no time, all pass by.
"Ahhh, child, this is your story in the wind," she says.
I thank Storyteller, and make my way back to Guardian for a final message.
"This is your task, child. Being these teachings in all areas of your life dreams the 65 year old into your "becoming" today. It is your task. Simple lessons are sometimes difficult to live by. This is your work. Remember. Grow as we grow. Love as we love. Be as we be. Remember."
As I walk home I continue to feel Ma's words deep in my body and being. Be the heart, even in my work.
I can be a heart. Somehow this is a revelation to me. The heart that grips tight, compulsively and fervently (thinking I need to do it all, be responsible for it all) – that tight heart is akin to a heart-attack.
Be the teachings, be the clear heart – let life flow from there. Let my heart be my story, blowing in the winds.
Ravens caw and bark from the surrounding trees at the Sacred Grove – protectors while I am here with Ma. They treat me as one of their tribe– watching out for me, letting me know when anything or anyone approaches.
Moon waters are slowly rising in me this week. I sweat each night, and my belly swells in anticipation of the red waters flowing. I know that some of my emotional responses in life right now are a result of the rising tides.
I bring a vision to Guardian... Me, at 65. How I look, where I live, what I am doing. The first time this vision of my 65 year old self arose was sometime last year. The visions are intensifying, and I know I am dreaming her into my reality now.
"Your vision will come sooner than 65," Ma says.
I switch topics, though also know that it is somehow related. "I feel anxious with all of the current work projects. There is already so much to do, and so little time to do the things that truly feed me."
Ma asks, "If you drop out now, how will students know who you are or where to find you?"
I reply, "They will find me because I've done my personal work?”
"Then that's what this time is about – doing your work. Do your work then," she replies, as if it should be a simple matter.
Circumstances, people, and stories begin to swirl through my mind and heart. Ma responds, "Living with a clear and open heart means speaking truths simply and clearly."
"But what if emotions come?" I ask, thinking of the personally challenging mixture of speaking truths and having emotional responses arise in matters of business. And then I feel the overwhelm of all the added responsibilities and tasks, and I know I will be awash in emotions at work.
"Let them flow through without getting stuck," Ma replies.
"That just seems counter to my nature." I feel my longing for simplicity coupled with depth, and wish it could all be easier. "Never compromise your heart or nature," she says firmly. "Your ‘nature’ is different from what your ‘training’ as a human has been, and that training has not served you. Who said business matters cannot include emotions if they arise within and from the clear heart? Now, sit down and listen deeply to your nature. Act and make decisions from there."
Immediately, Main Ma calls me to her. “Come, child, speak your heart.” I let my feelings flow – sad, stuck and overwhelm.
"Look up.” My eyes turn toward her upper branches some 15-20 feet away. “Many branches, one path can apply to work as well. You do not need to do it all yourself. Give it all away. Be the heart – an open channel to let it all flow through. Be the heart – one task. Give the rest away. You can be a "heart" for this work but you do not need to grip around it and take it all on yourself – it can flow through you. Be at ease. In all areas of your life, in all roles, be the heart and my teachings."
I stand for a moment in the simple and profound truth of her statement. Offering gratitude, I walk to Storyteller. Extending my hand to touch her, a delicious summer breeze begins to blow. My eyes close, and I sense the winds flowing through she and I as colours – life passing through and around us until we are all indistinguishable – wind, vine, myself. Something in my mind shifts for a moment. "What about the teachings of the roots?" I ask, aware that I am only hearing the story of the wind and branches and leaves.
"It is not time yet. Roots are a different story for a different season. Your lessons right now are branches and wind.
Your story. Live the teachings – it is your story. Become the colours of the wind."
I watch and feel life pass through, pass by – days, years, eternity, no time, all pass by.
"Ahhh, child, this is your story in the wind," she says.
I thank Storyteller, and make my way back to Guardian for a final message.
"This is your task, child. Being these teachings in all areas of your life dreams the 65 year old into your "becoming" today. It is your task. Simple lessons are sometimes difficult to live by. This is your work. Remember. Grow as we grow. Love as we love. Be as we be. Remember."
As I walk home I continue to feel Ma's words deep in my body and being. Be the heart, even in my work.
I can be a heart. Somehow this is a revelation to me. The heart that grips tight, compulsively and fervently (thinking I need to do it all, be responsible for it all) – that tight heart is akin to a heart-attack.
Be the teachings, be the clear heart – let life flow from there. Let my heart be my story, blowing in the winds.
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