Thursday, 4 May 2023

Pre-Amble to Book 2: The Realms of Sorcery

May 24, 2017





These past four years have been a challenging and unexpected learning in so many ways, and an incredible deepening into the Teachings. 

The realms of sorcery, spirit-possession,  spell-work, as well as working with allies and helper spirits - I do not know how to sum up this time. I did not expect to encounter these forces. I did not expect to have to tread through the webs woven by others... What was revealed was the reflected stickiness in my own heart, and how the resins that exist within become entangled and amplified within these spell-webs, and then become food for the darker entities and forces. Untangling becomes both an inner and outer working, with the aid of allies and spirit helpers,  as well as deep prayer and attention to clearing the heart-space.

And then dealing with spirit-possession - how does one explain all that has been seen and experienced? Demons and dead-ones, manipulated by dark sorcery, who found home in the vessel of others, and attempted to live out their old stories by influencing the actions and behaviour of their captives.  What was taught was a simple lesson - "Listen. Listen with your heart." I shifted my efforts from "battling" these entities to listening to their stories. Once their need to be acknowledged and heard was complete, they released their grip on the one they possessed. It was at times frightening, and yet as I opened myself to compassion, the transfiguration and release was profound, and complete.

When a new adventure began on an expansive piece of land that we called home for 2 years, the Teachings deepened yet again. And the lessons taught were no less challenging, and yet no less rewarding or rich... To watch the reactions of the insects allied with the unconscious sorcerer who was "owner" of that land - who had wreaked havoc on the earth and the Old Ones (trees/ forests) of that place...  Every time he was due to return to the land, though we had no personal communications of his comings and goings, wasps would awaken (in the depths of winter) or would become aggressive and attack our home. Farm animals would become restless, or would escape...  We would pre-dream of the theme and issues of his current disgruntlement and chaotic actions.  And when he dwelt on the land, plants would not germinate, or whither, or be attacked by insects or vermin -- where otherwise they would be healthy and thriving.  Animals would die, be wounded or fall ill. The land and forests would hold their breath, people would be agitated, dreams would be erratic or violent.  His unconscious was on loud-speaker, coating the land with his inner unrest and poisonous thoughts & feelings.  

Unwinding from this was deep prayer-work for the well-being of the land and all who live there, and prayers for the land to have a new and respectful benefactor.  And so it has been granted, though the ricochet was a reprimand to never again deny intuition,instinct, the "inner voice"...  The consequences of having denied these gifts of sight and insight in the beginning of our work on that piece of land were a profoundly difficult move to yet another piece of land with new "players", and undoubtedly new and deeper Teachings.

Appendix: The Wet Spot



The Wet Spot


I was a single mother, in my early 20’s.  I had gone back to university to complete my second degree.  It was an intense year – my youngest son would stay awake until 10pm most nights, so I would not begin my homework until after that time.  My personal practice of yoga and the weekly class I attended had become my sanctity.

One day during the fall, I was in my room walking to the closet, and I stepped on something wet.  The floor was carpeted, and my first thought was that my cat had peed on the floor.  As I knelt down to smell the wet-spot, it smelled clean and fresh.  I touched it.  The spot was sopping wet.  I smelled it again. There was no musty smell, it did not smell like urine – there was, in fact, no smell at all. 

I looked up at the ceiling – maybe something leaked from the roof?  No drips or water stains could be seen.  Then I became worried – what if a water pipe had burst and leaked from underneath?  Yet, there was no sound of water, and no leaks into the room below.  I was perplexed, and simply decided the mystery would likely resolve itself once the water evaporated.

A day went by.  Two days.  Three.  Ten.  The wet-spot did not change – it did not change in size, it did not evaporate, it did not change in scent.  It remained sopping-wet and unaltered.

So, on day 10, Friday evening, after my sons had gone to their father’s for the weekend, I did what any young single mother would do at the beginning of the weekend.  I cleaned my house.

My cat loved the vacuum.  He would chase and attack it as I cleaned the floor.  We methodically worked together to clean the house room by room.  The last room to be vacuumed that night was my bedroom.  I approached the door, which was closed.  The cat stopped in mid-attack as I cracked the door open – his hair stood on-end, he arched into a hiss, and ran downstairs.  Odd, I thought…

As I opened the door further, my hair also stood on end, though I could not perceive to what I was responding.  I began to walk in the room, and with each step I felt a stronger and stronger repulsion – my stomach was turning, and everything in me wanted to run away.  I looked and began to walk toward the wet-spot.  My body began to lurch from the growing spasm in my stomach.  I quickly turned away and ran out of the room, closing the door behind me.

I went downstairs and sat on the couch.  I was distressed and began to panic.  I didn’t know what to do.  My fear seemed silly to me.  After an hour of fretting, I finally decided to go back into the room.  As I walked upstairs, I could feel my mounting fear, and as I opened the door and entered the room, the same feelings of repulsion returned.

I walked toward the wet-spot again, but then felt called to go to my altar, which sat between the window and my bed, some 10 feet away from the wet-spot. On my altar sat a few crystals and stones, pieces of plants and herbs, pictures and trinkets – nothing in any particular order or placement.  There was also a small container of leather bits and pieces.  I picked up this container and a few of the stones and crystals.  I sat on the floor between the altar and the wet-spot.

It was as if someone was whispering in my ear, directing my actions.  I was instructed to lay out the crystals and leather bits in a pattern that looked like a star, with the main lines or rays pointing from the wet-spot to the window.  Then I was to open the window a few inches, and burn sage and cedar, which were drying on my altar.  I took out my shell for burning the herbs in, and lit them so they began to smolder.  I blew into them, and burned so much that the room was filled with smoke.  Then I left the room and closed the door.

I went downstairs for about an hour, distracting myself with food and TV.  When I returned to the room, I walked in and there was no feeling of fear, no hair standing on-end…  And, no wet-spot.

What had remained for 10 days unaltered had disappeared in a mere hour.

I was baffled, and sat to contemplate what had just happened.  Two things became clear to me.  One was that it seemed, to me, that some entity or teacher was making itself known through the wet-spot.  The other was a set of teachings…  About fear and meeting fear, the appearance and nature of reality, my beliefs, and about energy and channeling energy through different means including the use of sacred shapes and designs.



Glossary




Ladanka
An amulet and talisman, worn to ward off intruding spirits, negative thoughts, sorcery, illness, and misfortune and bring well-being, health & healing, empowerment, love, and desired circumstances.  Ladanki (plural) are small bags, containing a variety of substances, generally worn around the neck or sometimes attached to one’s belt (at the solar plexus).*   Some items include herbs, roots or bark from sacred trees, snake skin, animal fur or other dried animal parts, stones, prayers written on paper or other fibre, soil from one’s native land or birthplace (to prevent homesickness and disease, as well as provide a piece of home if one dies while in a foreign land), and basically anything considered useful for one’s spiritual, mental, emotional or physical well-being.  It is not worn displayed, but rather, hidden from view.

*The solar plexus is considered to be the belt-line as Slavic women believe that to wear skirts or belts lower on the torso restricts the flow of energy and causes infertility, menstrual problems, and generally inhibits a woman’s power.


Molfar (masculine)/ Mol’farka (feminine)
Earth medicine practitioner.  Works with nature spirits, elementals, Earth-Mother, weather, ceremony, herbs, prayers, hands-on-healing, land healing, sound and whisper healing, spirit journeys.  Usually born into their abilities, or called into the traditions by the spirits.  Are not fully given the title until they have reached menopause or eldership, having spent many decades developing skills, life wisdom, and experience in their medicine work.


Obkuryuvanya (short for Обкурювання травами (Obkuryuvannya Travamy: Smoke Purification or Fumigation by Herbs))
(Partial translation of an article in Ukrainian, http://3varta.com.ua/obkurjuvannja-travami)

“The ritual of purification can be carried out by means of smoke from herbs, touching the body with dry herbs or the creation of a plant wreath (Vinok). Also, the listed options are combined with the washing of herbs. The option of cleaning by touching the body with dry plants is known to all, it is often practiced in baths. Any plant has a certain property that it can exhibit in the process of curing, in contact with the body, in the manufacture of amulets. Each herb has its own strength, and is used for various needs.

When using smoke, the dried plant is carefully shredded, poured into small dishes (or you can use a sea shell), in which the plant can slowly smother and produce smoke, energy from herbs smoke spreads indoors or on a person. When smoking a person, smoke is allowed in the direction of the heart, then to the head, then to the feet. In the end, the person in a circle bypass three times, smoking it counter clockwise.”

Some common herbs used in Ukraine (a very partial list):

~ Шавлія, Shaviya, Sage
“After sage, it is recommended to use wormwood, as it would neutralize the remnants of \"mental dust\" after sage. Polin [most Artemesia plants are named Polin and commonly used] helps clear the \"atmosphere\" from external influences - someone or your own negative thoughts. A polynomial cure can drive virtually any evil thing from home. It is used to cure the patient's household. If a twig of the wormwood hangs over the front door or put in a vase, then it will be enough to protect your home.”
~ Ялівець, Yavilets, Juniper
~ Звіробій, Zvirobiy, St John’s Wort
~ Коров'як звичайний, Korov’yak zvychaynyy, Mullein
~ Кедр, сосна, Kedr, Sosna, Cedar, Pine
~ Зубрівка, Zubrivka, Sweet Grass
Found naturally in the steppes, Ukraine is a large producer of Sweet Grass seed.  Sweet Grass is traditionally used in ritual-fires of spring, placed in mattresses and on floors for protection and scent, burned in bundles for purification, and also used in bundles to tap a body for health and protection. It is also used to flavour vodka.
~ М'ята, M’yata, Mint
~ Материнка, Materinka, Marjaram
~ Полин, Polin, Wormwood
~ Чебрець, Chebrets, Thyme
~ Рута, Ruta, Rue
~ Кропива, Kropyva, Nettle
~ Розмарин, Rozmarin, Rosemary
~ це полин, Ce Polin, Sagebrush
~ меліса, Melissa, Lemon Balm
~ лаванда, Lavanda, Lavender
~ мучниця, Mučnycja, Bearberry


Vidma (Vedma)
Wise Woman, Witch.  Notice that the two definitions are synonymous.  However, in the 1200’s and later, “Vidma” took on negative connotations – an attempt to erase the wisdom and raw power of those who worked with healing arts, herbs, midwifery, earth traditions and spirituality.  Witch-hunting remains problematic world-wide today, with thousands of people tortured and killed yearly for being (or accused of being) witches.

Vorona (ворона)
Crow…  When I sat with the Teachers, the name I received was the title Vorona Mol’farka.  Crow Molfar is an ancestor entity and Teacher, who likely existed in the region of my grandfather’s birth: Bilche Zolote in Ternopil Oblast, of what was Galicia at the time (now Ukraine).


Contrasts: Dancing with the Dark Mother

June 21st, Solstice, 2013


I stand with Forest Ma soaking in the beauty of this day.  She receives my offering and directs me to Pan. As I walk, I feel and remember the strong energy that passed through the inner gate in my belly when I was with the Other this week. It was so intense I could not sleep for many hours. In my sleeplessness, I questioned if I am the person to meet and match his medicine and energies.

The voice of the Forest – the Great Mother – answers me.
"You are stronger than you know. Your energy is wider and deeper than you are aware. These turmoils are surface distractions designed to keep you from deepening your medicines. The ones whom you struggle with know this on some level, and fear your medicine and strength.  You are stronger than you realise and are the perfect match for the Other. You must cultivate this medicine. Be willing to go deep."

I arrive at Grandmother Tree, one of the Ancient Ones. As I make offerings, I contemplate freedom of choice – who I have been, and how I have been. I play with an image of encountering the feeling of "no freedom" – no right to have myself, no right to my own body or space. This is a very old story – is it even mine? – and yet it lives in me.  I pour from my heart the impact of not spending more time with the Other.  I allow the feeling to amplify and transform.  It evolves into suffocation, and a dream-image of being overpowered arises – my right to my sexual body space taken away by some unseen force.  This feels ancient.  It feels other life-time.  It feels now.

I continue to trace and follow the imaginary lines in an attempt to understand what lives curled up in my own shadow-force.  A scene and understanding unfolds…  My life-force is being given away – my shadow prostitutes my heart and energy as a means of survival. In relationships I give away my power, my "no," my centre.  Even in work – I give away my work and the fruits of my labour, and by doing so I gave away my integrity, my rights and my needs in order that I do not have to face wrathful energy – darker forces from others that would be overpowering.  I do this in order to protect myself from these darker forces.

What did I gain in return in the past? Pseudo affection – being "wanted" or needed – though these rewards were consistently unsatisfying. Pseudo peace – a temporary reprieve from all of the challenges and anger that would be thrown my way. Time to hide-out and not have to show up as my fullness. Better to give myself away first, so as to be in control about it, rather than risk having my centre taken forcefully from me.

When I trade my life-force and power for pseudo-affection and pseudo-peace, I live an illusion of safety.

I have convinced myself that the greater risk is to stand in my power and transform as I know I must.  I allow my fears to become true.  I have feared (and believed) that transforming myself means I must kill or cut off all who have come to rely on who I have been.  I have felt responsible for them, and paradoxically afraid to be killed by them.

Safety – I buy an illusion of safety with my trade-offs.

"Grandmother, how do I transform radically? How do I create my dream?  How do I create what I want with the Other without killing off those who have relied on what's been? I do not want to repeat this pattern."

"Pan will have guidance for you, daughter."


I carry these feelings and insights to Pan.
He speaks before I can ask a question. "Vision your life and speak your truth out loud. Do not prostitute yourself any longer.

Do the work that is necessary. You can manifest. You can make the time and energy to manifest your visions. Do what is necessary."


My heart returns to the Other.
"You must love him, and withdraw your energy from any and all circumstances you no longer fit with. Your combined medicine is more powerful than you know. You are here to love each other and birth this medicine into Being."

"How do I withdraw without killing everything off? I am afraid I have to destroy people, relationships, ties in order to release and create." I feel the distress in my heart.
"Vision, and tell others cleanly – speak from your clear heart this true vision. This is the only way."

"What teachings am I to birth into the world at this time, Pan?"
"Follow your heart, you will know. Follow your heart.
And journey with us tonight."


I feel him indicate his feminine counterpart.

Walking to her, I touch and feel her strength and grace. “Ma, please guide me on the teachings I am to birth.”
Her answer is simple. "Vision, journey, conceive the direction. Open yourself to know what is about to be birthed through you.

See the new teachings as a tool. Do not contort your shape. Be genuine in your offerings. Let it grow from there. Attend to the true direction, not the past direction."

I remember words the Other spoke earlier this week.  He said the only way through is to love those who challenge us in our lives – those who would oppose our change or growth. Anything else provokes them, provokes our inner drama. Love does not mean giving oneself away. Look into the darkness; do not dramatize it, nor play it, nor bring it into relationship.


June 22nd, 2013

The incessant whine of mosquitoes surrounds me. I remove a string tied to Heart Ma.  It is a string I had placed here some weeks ago – a request to bind and protect me from what I perceived as negative forces. I have realised the magic I asked for was not the medicine that was needed. Lighting a match, I burn the string, and instead ask for transformation and support in only the most healthy and loving of ways.

I make more offerings, and then ask Ma for guidance, teachings, help...

"You must move the energy tonight – release your old body as was instructed last weekend. And then vision the new energy body, the new life. And journey. This will be deep and powerful work."

"Is there anything to be aware of as I do this work?"
"Look for the positive as you release."

"The Other?"
"Spend time with him. Make it happen. Make it work."

"Anything else, Mother?"
"Find the vision that lives in your heart, child, and become it. Look into the seeing glass of your heart – the mirror of all creation. Discount none – see it All. Then choose, then choose, then choose..."

"What am I choosing?"

"The bright vision of your journey. Look for the one pathway that your soul alights to. Your heart will know the way."

I leave Ma and wander to the outlook at the end of the path. I hear Ravens caawing, and am surprised when I climb over a knoll to see them standing on the cliff edge only 15 feet from me. I stop, and they look at me and continue to caaw, accepting my presence without fear. They stay for a time, as another Raven circles nearby. Then they all lift off and circle together, calling out. Two Ravens land in a nearby tree, and continue to call in their high pitched voices while the tattered Raven I had seen 2 weeks earlier circles overhead several times. When he finally lands, he joins the caawing with a low pitched and raspy voice. An eagle silently glides overhead and circles just beyond their tree. We all remain in this pattern for ten minutes or more, marveling in each other's presence.




Animal Messengers

June 10th, 2013

I have walked past the Deeper Grove to the edge of forest near the steep rock ridge, where I meet a new emanation of Ma.  Crow Molfar's wind is blowing, warm and wild, as Raven calls in the background.

I have just left 6 iron nails in a circle near Heart Ma, and peed on them. Tomorrow I will feed an offering to an elder Highlander cow on the property where the Other lives.  Just as the Vedic astrologer counselled many years ago – predicting anaemia – I was to pee on iron nails I planted into the ground where I live, and make offerings to cows.

I am asking the new Ma – Tangled Ma – for insight on my current dilemma.
"You must journey with Crow Molfar this night," she says. "And hold your centre. Do not give up your centre. And do not give up what is precious. This love is precious – guard it."

I spy another nearby emanation that appears like a beautiful coiled snake around an arbutus.

The winds begin to blow with fury.

"Find your centre," she says.
I feel unbalanced as the winds tear around me – Spirit seems to blow right through me.

"Pull back your heart from what unbalances you and find your centre."
A dry arbutus leaf bonks me on the nose.

"Is there anything else you would like me to know about this situation, or the teachings?" I ask.
"Develop the medicine teachings. Follow your instincts," she replies.

"And the Other?"
"Love him, be uplifted by him." My body begins to feel like it is literally rising up out of the earth.  I grip Ma more tightly to ground my world.

"And the ones whom I struggle with right now?" I ask.
"They  are shaky. Try not to rock their world too much, but be respectful to your own."

"Anything about your teachings?"
"Clear heart, child. Just practise clear heart."

I turn to leave, and feel Crow Molfar on the winds once again.  Looking up, Raven circles directly above me, caawing as he spreads his tattered feathers and V-shaped tail, surfing directly overhead on an unseen current of wind, barely moving – just suspended in space.

I feel visited and blessed.


June 11th, 2013

The Other hands me a stale loaf of bread to feed to the Highlander cow.  I carry a handful of nails to plant here, at the farm, in the ground – marking my other home.

She stands at the fence, and I reach out with the bread tentatively.  She cranes her head forward to sniff the loaf.  A large greyish tongue extends in a slurping motion. Taking a small step forward, her mouth opens to grasp the bread out of my hand.  After chewing, she looks at me and grunts, as if asking for more... Her eyes are intelligent.


June 14th, 2013

Day 1 of teaching the Plant Spirit course, and we are in the forest.  The students have all dispersed to their teachers.  As I walk the circuit, making offerings along the way and asking the forest to protect and help the students in their journeys, I pass one of the entrances from the meadow to the forest and find a dead snake.

Immediately I feel the snake-like constraint I have been carrying around my heart recently.  Pain still writhes within.  Is this a sign, to let the snake die? Or have I killed the snake that needs to be kept alive and transformed into new energy?

The mid under-belly of the snake is crushed and torn. It probably died a slow death… Placing the snake in the underbrush, I thank its spirit and leave herbs as offering.

I continue around the bend toward Forest Ma.

"Mother, I ask for medicine for all that is happening right now."
"Stay still. Stay calm. Stay in your centre. Stay in your open and clear heart. You are being blown around like the wind. Come back to your centre."  Her voice is soft and comforting.

"Ma, are there medicines for this pain?"
"What do you want to see child?" she asks.

"I want to be clear, open, the Mol'farka," I reply.
She asks a leading question…"To define yourself?"

I think for a moment.  "Yes."
"Spend time defining who you want to be. Journey and vision her. Journey to her often – your heart, your strength. See her, feel her, call her into you, especially in those times of need."

"Is this an initiation, Ma?"  I have been wondering this the past many days.
"Yes," she says. "A time of rooting out the darkness – rooting out all that does not serve you.

Do your battle in the spirit realm – you do not need to take it to the physical realm. Journey, dream and do your battle in That realm – the battle with your inner forces of darkness – with all the forces of darkness that are at play with you."


She offers an image of movement – half dance, half martial art – in the dark.  And I understand that she wants me to achieve healing through this movement – a battle enacted through my body, dark energies released and transmuted on an energetic-cellular level.

"And when you are complete, journey to the home you are building," she says... "The dream you are building. Journey there, feel it, be in it. Call it to you often.

You must build your new Mol'farka's body, and destroy – simultaneously – the old body. Skin was not enough.  You are awash in an old body.  Let it go.  This is the battle – this struggle you have been feeling. It is not personal to anyone – do not get pulled in to anyone else's drama.”

She pauses for a moment, as if collecting her own thoughts.

“As drama unfolds in the personal realm, know what is really happening…  The personal drama is not what's real. It’s only a vehicle.  What is really happening is the battle, which is the deconstruction of the old body. Willingly destroy it, and build your new body. Live it, wear it, be it."

I think of the Other.

"It is possible," Ma says. "What you see and want is possible. You must be willing to step into the vision. Your coming together is much more than just love. The medicine you share and create is much stronger than love alone. The love you experience is the gift and pathway. What is created is medicine.  The medicine includes both of you, and is beyond both of you. Understand and see what is actually happening, beyond the drama, beyond the personal, and step into it.

You must do this work."


As I walk away, she continues transmitting her message.

"Two things can be happening at once – the outer reality and the inner reality. Sometimes they are completely different. You may be called to follow a specific action on the outside, while on the inside you are weaving a different energy. The inner weaving can be completely different from the outer reality and actions. And, sometimes, the outer reflects or enhances the inner. This is also possible. Your job is to do your outer actions impeccably and with the purpose of serving what is at-hand. Simultaneously you will weave a different reality in the inner energy realm. This will be your true purpose, hidden behind outer actions."

June 15th, 2013

Ravens call as we walk in silence toward the forest – guardians announcing our arrival to the forest beings, speaking the forest language.

As I complete walking the circuit, I am thinking of snake as totem. Within a few steps, a snake slithers from path to underbrush just in front of me.

I walk to Forest Ma.
"Ma, I have returned. What medicines can I offer you? How may I serve you?"

"There is danger, child, and you sense it. Do not ignore this. You must clearly choose where and how you will engage your energy.  Poison candy – being nice, trying to please – do not play that game with those who want to hold you to your old image and old roles. You are only poisoning yourself if you do so."

I receive her words and know she speaks truth.  This time of transition and transformation requires my full, unwavering commitment to and embodiment of the teachings.  There is no room for anything else.

Restless, I have a difficult time staying connected.  I step away from Ma to burn some obkuryuvannya.   Feeling a small clearing, I approach Forest Ma again.

As I hold her vine, I think of integrity, truth, and living in my centre. "I will be open, Ma.  I have no choice.  Please, show me the path, the medicine."

"What do you want to experience, child?"

Different "realities" pass through my heart – what I live with the Other, what I can see as possible in living and teaching.
Ma says, "Yes, this is your clear vision. The vision you can call into being."

I then think of other possible paths – teaching for the sole pursuit of money, travel, corporate work…  A Stellar Jay begins to yell at me. He hops angrily from tree to tree yelling.


I pause. I know that "corporate work" is not my truth. The Jay calms as I affirm that. Stellar Jay came to my dreams last night – clearly a messenger. This is my first time seeing a Stellar Jay here in this forest.  "Do not lose your way," it calls as it flutters nearby.

I thank Forest Ma for the messenger.
"We are all here for you, child."


I then feel the interconnected forest energy speaking through her.
"You must get clear with what you want in your teachings and work. You must get clear with what you want with the Other. No games of trying to be nice or pleasing in order to protect yourself from conflict – this is what is dangerous."



Dark Ma Visions

May 18th, 2013

I am restless.  It is taking time to settle and connect with Heart Ma. I have brought another Robin's egg shell, crumbled from traveling in my pocket during the walk.  I also hold a feather in my hand, along with herb offerings.

I open my heart to let her feel my jumble, and many minutes later, her voice emerges.

"You were told to share the teachings with him," she says.

"I know Ma, but I am not his teacher, I do not want to take that role. I cannot.  He has his own teachings, received from his teacher."

"Trust child, just share the teachings. They will be important."

"How do I deepen my connection with the Other? This feels vital to the medicines, though I am unclear how."
"Open your heart, connect with him often, journey to him regularly. Open your vulnerability with him."

"I am also unclear about directions for teaching in this transition.  It feels as if everything is shifting, constantly, and I have no ground. Do you have any insights to share for the teachings?"
"Live with the Other at least half of the time, or more."

"Why is that important to the teachings?"
"It's important to you.
And you are the carrier of the teachings."


"I feel disjointed, unable to connect, even to you."
"Wait child, just wait. Clear your heart, open and wait. All will come."

"Is there any medicine you would like me to work with tonight?"
"Listen to the sky tonight. Listen to the stars, sun and moon. Listen to the rhythms of nature." An image arises of my body rhythms – my Moon cycle – changing, healing.

"Go now child. It is time, go now."



May 19th, 2013

Another restless night.  The light is just dawning – my room still bathed in grey shadows of the earliest hours.  I lie awake.  Sleep will not come. I decide to journey again. 

Imagining myself at the Scared Grove, I ask for a guide.  Dark Ma offers herself. “Not here, child. Come to the Deeper Grove.”  Instantly I find myself at Heart Ma, where I have left a few seeds of Dark Ma.

I become Crow, and we fly to a land of devastation – burnt trees and desolation amongst the grey and dark sky.

"This is the aftermath of trauma," she says.  “Now, walk…  Walk the land.”

As I walk, I am to pick up any bones I find and wear them – bone medicine, the medicine of the Ancestors.  After some time, I stumble upon a spiral labyrinth. 

"Walk the spiral," Dark Ma whispers.  "Let yourself be "real." Walk the spiral.”

I walk the spiraling path inward toward a mossy stone which rests at the centre and sit on the stone. 

Stillness…

My heart feels at peace.

Dark Ma begins to speak. “You are birthing a vision – take time to reflect. Do not be impatient.  Spend time with us, the Plant Teachers, and with the ancestors in order to fully vision the teachings.  Your time with the Other will help.  Connecting and deepening that connection will be medicine.”

The vision completes, and as I open my eyes, grey shadows have been replaced by gentle light. 

Within an hour, a vision of the teachings begins to emerge.

~*~

The graveyard is calling me – a place where I had found several bones a few years earlier. It is also the home of Pan, a particular emanation of Ma.  As I turn toward the field of brush that leads to the graveyard, an animal path I have not seen before jumps out at me. Without hesitation, I begin to walk the path and almost immediately find a partial skull and vertebra strewn to one side. Ahhh… The morning vision-journey – bones of the ancestors. Walking a little further, I find an emanation of Ma. She is old, bark twisting left and vine spiraling right.

“Look at me," she speaks.

She twines upward around a dead tree for 10 feet or so.  At her furthest reach on the dead tree, her main vine branches out into a jumble of many vines.  For a foot or two, she appears to be a tangled mess.  Then, her vines coalesce into a graceful grouping as she leaps across several feet to a nearby living tree, to continue her journey upward to the high canopy.

“I know you carry questions about the Other.  I will speak to what is in your heart.  You are to love one another, fully. Grow through the breakage, the deaths, work through the messiness. You will grow together, share medicine together, make love together."

"What of the new directions for the teachings, Ma?"
"The medicine is the same, child. Grow through the breakage, the deaths, work through the messiness. You will grow, share medicine, share teachings.”

"Ma, where do I find Pan?"
"Keep walking, keep searching, listen to your heart. You know the way."

I meander through the trees and shrubs for some time and find the graveyard.  Within a few moments, I also locate a gnarly emanation of Ma who hangs heavily from its companion tree.  Having visited Pan only once before, I am uncertain if I have actually found him.

"Are you Pan?" I ask.
"Make your offering and see," he says.

I make offerings. 
Pausing, I wait for him to reveal himself. 

He remains quiet. 

I gather myself and silently confirm why I am here – what I am seeking…  Insight.  Insight into the medicines I am to be learning and sharing right now, personally and professionally.

"They are the same, child."
He grows quiet again.

I decide to dig deeper into my heart, to the worry I have been afraid to speak aloud.

"Is Ma – are all of you – still my teacher? Each of you have been mostly quiet lately – am I to learn from someone else?"  I feel my shakiness as I ask.
"You are to learn from the whole forest," he assures.

Images – so many images – rapidly pass through my inner heart-eye…  Various beloved emanations of Ma, the Counsel of Trees, Grandmother and Grandfather Tree, Life-Blood Tree, Dark Ma, Crow Molfar, Vidma, Makara, and countless others, all appearing in a rapid succession of images, each stimulating feelings and memories as they appear.

The experience becomes multi-layered.  I see in my inner-eye webs much like spider webs.  Each teacher – Ma, Dark Ma, Trees, and so on – exists at the centre of their own unique web.  Each web has a unique orientation – some are horizontal, some are upright, others are tilted at various angles.  Each web intersects at least one or more other webs, so that a long, complex multi-dimensional chain of webs forms.  This shape floats freely in space.

"Complex dynamics," Pan says. "That is the medicine you are learning right now.

Complex webs of energy and interaction can pass freely through the truly clear and open heart."


A new image arises – that of a spacious, clear and open heart, through which an endless complex chain of webs flows.  Then, the heart space becomes partially obstructed by emotional debris and sticky unresolved pain – the webs get caught and stuck, collapsing against each other, as they attempt their passage.

"How do I bring this teaching to people?” I ask.  “I’m not even sure I can articulate it…" 

"You have to live it. You are living it.  Be open to the webs. See the tendrils. Feel the connections – across spans of time forward and back… Across all layers and dimensions.  Broaden and deepen your view.”

A few moments pass as I attempt to digest this message.  Though not as intense as the energy DNA download, it feels equally textured and important.

I decide to change the topic to something hopefully lighter…

"The Other?" I ask.
"He is your gift. He is your gift… You are each others’ gift. Smile, laugh, play. Really play. Let go and play."

I thank Pan for his messages.  As I pass a nearby tree with another lovely emanation of Ma, I realize this to be the feminine counterpart to Pan.

She calls out to me.
"Remember his message, child. And follow your path. Follow your path. The forest is your teacher now. The forest is your teacher now. Follow your path..."




There is Nothing Without Purpose

May 11th, 2013

I have the day to myself today.  I set my intention to hunt for Yarrow and Sheppard’s Purse to stop the incessant bleeding.  I know I am low in iron, and stressed.  My womb is spilling her red waters – there is not enough earth in my blood to hold back the flow which comes every day now.

I re-braid my front braids with a prayer. "May I trust myself enough to show both my strength and vulnerability, and remain in my centre as I do so."

Completing my braids, I envision the Great Mother, shimmering in the sun, glistening with different iridescent colours.  "May I embody the shimmering Mother, who radiates all aspects of herself with ease while remaining fully rooted in her centre."

Choosing to take time for a small Prayer Fire, I gather what is needed and light paper, twigs of Ma, a leaf of Dark Ma, Sage, Tobacco, and resins.  Flames begin to dance.  My prayer is simple.  "May I release any remaining baggage and transmute these energies to become a clear space for the medicines and teachings to emerge."

I offer my spirit-strings as well.  I have worn strings on my right wrist for a year, gifted by Forest-Buddhist monks last summer.  With the transitions at this time, it feels right to release the strings.

Tossing the strings into the Fire, I ask, "May I deepen my studies with the Mother, and integrate any teachings from the Other. May our combined medicine thrive and continue to grow."

~*~

I am gathering Yarrow and Sheppard’s Purse near Fairy Ma, part-way to the Deeper Grove.

"Please guide my inner child with the Other?” I ask Fairy Ma. “How do I remain in my strength and centre?"

"Let her come out," she says. "Let her come out, and trust yourself to hold her.  And trust him. He is a safe container. Let her come out.  Be your complexity. He will appreciate that."

I give thanks and slowly wander my way to Heart Ma. After offerings, I address her.

"Ma, you said to embody the teachings to my core. I feel, though, that I need deepening in the teachings. Do you have anything to offer?"

After a pause, she says, "You are learning, child – interdependence and the connected web are your current lessons." Images of those closest to me – friends, family, loved ones – all interconnected and supporting one another through a web arise in my inner eye.

"Look around you, child.”  I open my eyes and gaze at the forest.  “There is nothing here without purpose. Nothing without function. Everything – all beings and all interactions – are connected and with purpose. This is the medicine you are learning now.

What is your purpose?" she asks. I reflect on the Other – what is my purpose with him?

"What about the teachings of interdependence, of the heart?" I ask.

"Your job right now is to open, let the medicine flow through as it needs to, Be the medicine. This is your learning-step right now. This is the heart medicine right now. Be the Deeper medicine.

Be the open heart.

Do not close. Open and be the medicine, let it flow from and through you."
 
I give my thanks and walk to Ancient Ma, asking her for guidance. "How do I convey or deepen the teachings in order to give them to others?"

"Prepare your body so that you can worship the God-force.” She gave images of making love. “Treat each interaction as sacred. No comparison to the past. Be present, worship your partner as sacred, speak to him as an emanation of the sacred. Trust him as the sacred. All of his acts are like the shimmering God. Just as yours. You are the Great Mother, Nature herself. Embody all her forces and expressions."

I feel her words penetrate my heart. 

As I leave, I decide to walk to a nearby hill to gather more Mother Yarrow. On my return, an emanation of Ma calls me to her.  I make offerings and ask the nature of her message.

"Stay a while and we will talk about the teachings of life."
I look at her shape – so many branches, varying in size and age and path.

"This is the path of life," she says. "You must birth these teachings through you alone, and gift them to others through your being. It is then that the magic and alchemy can happen, as your medicine blends with another's. The time has passed for solo – all must be birthed through the open space of interdependence… Merger and blending.  Alchemical transformation. Carry these teachings child."


May 12th, 2013

I am on a medicine walk. Still bleeding on and off, my energy is so low.

I stop and greet Forest Ma, letting her know my intentions – to seek insight about the bleeding and anaemia, and to learn to embody the medicine of the Great Mother as an offering for all whom I serve in life.

"They are the same child. Go sit with the medicines. Gather them. Ask them to come to you and into you, receive their teachings and messages. Heal yourself through communing with them and you will awaken as Ma."

I walk up the long hill, feeling my heart struggle with the lack of oxygen flowing in my blood.  I arrive at Grandmother Yarrow and ask for insight.

"Rivers of blood.
Rivers of blood.
Clear the channels.
Clear the channels."


My head feels like it is expanding. "Clear the channels of my mind?" I ask. "What about my womb?"

Spaciousness and energy arise in my throat.

"Speak the medicines, child.
Speak the medicines to those who will hear – calm, concise, clear."


"What of the womb, Mother?"
Seeming to ignore me she says, "These will be your medicines.

The river runs, the waters flow to empty the vessel. Emptying the shame of the past."


And I finally understand her.

"May I gather you Mother?"
"Take what you need, no more."